On careers and enchiladas

Corey and I are part of the cool-kids club.

We got ourselves a laptop.

This laptop.

A 15" Macbook Pro.

I'll tell you what, that darned talking dog Youtube sensation never looked so good.

Neither did the metal filing cabinet or the wicker patio furniture set I found on Craigslist.

Because that's why you get fancy computers; to make impulse Zappos purchases and watch online sitcoms while your husband forces you to sit through March Madness.

I kid.

Eventually, I plan to get my graphic design on, which was my whole argument for getting this exact model.  It's better at doing...something.

I need training first.  Obviously.

But then it's off to a semi part-time career in freelance work for independent artists (like me!) and non-profit organizations.  Not exactly where the money's at (excuse me, my preposition is showing), but if it covers my Mexican take-out habit I'll be satisfied.

It's all about putting food in the belly.

Food smothered in mole and enchilada sauce.

And that only took me eight years after my college graduation to figure out.  I mean the career part, I've always known tamales were a way of life.

So if you'll excuse me, I need to go figure out what I'm supposed to do with my right-clicking finger if there is no right-clicker.

I can see your roots need a touch-up

I'm coming to you with a new perspective today, one from four-and-a-half inches above.

Literal inches, not like out-of-body-hovering-over-myself-viewing-the-world-in-a-whole-new-way metaphoric inches.

This girl is the proud new owner of a pair of blue, scaled leather Mary Janes from Anthropologie with a heel that just don't quit.  It was one of the few splurges I will allow myself this year, the others being a new dress for the summer and a flavored latte every other month.  I let myself go a little crazy sometimes.

But I'm able to justify my splurges:

• I rarely shop for clothes or shoes for myself
• when I do shop I only buy on clearance
• my closet is a frump paradise in desperate need of updates
• I work two jobs, essentially
• I'm a girl

That last one is important; it's in my genes to want new jeans.

See what I did there?

And now, with my beautiful new shoes I've satisfied an instinctual craving for something pretty, and sassy, and outrageous.  No, I can't actually walk in them, but I can stand in them.

And stand I will.

Until I need to start shopping for my summer dress.

Hello, handsome

I have a new love.

Tall.

Dark.

Incredibly handsome.

And preferably in a size 8, please.

People, this is the boot of my dreams.  Pioneer Woman is giving one pair of the new Fryes away today and I'd prefer it if you did not go over and enter; you'd really spoil my chances.

I just wanted to show you my obsession for the moment.

That's all.

Have a nice day.

...

But don't enter PW's contest.

Thank you.

Weekend Wrap Up: in one word or less

Jewelry.

Aaaaaand now we move on to extreme couponing.

Totally unrelated, but something that has been on my mind.

I love it.

I'm what you might call frugal-minded.

I enjoy the sport of finding a good deal.

So when TLC's Extreme Couponing show aired I was a bit more than intrigued.  And when I finally watched an episode I decided to throw my hat into the mega savings ring.

Except I have no idea how they do it.

Buy $1,200 in groceries and pay $44?  Yes please.

But how??

Dig through the garbage?  No, thank you.  Ask neighbors for their Sunday fliers?  Nuh-uh.  Scour the internets for deals?  Possibly, if I can find eight spare hours in my day.

A tad discouraged, I thought I could still be a moderate couponer and still see a pair of GAP sale jeans worth in savings.

So I started with a few of my own fliers and half an hour.

My success: bottle of Wisk, originally $7-something for $1.49.

Score!!

Except I don't use Wisk.

Eh.

Cyber Monday: Bah Humbug!

I'm just sayin', if I get one more Cyber Monday email I just might toss my phone in the toilet.

Because it's one of those I'm-gonna-do-irrational-things-because-a-whole-lotta-crap-is-goin'-down-all-at-once-and-I'm-not-takin'-it-so-good kinda days.

But thanks anyway Best Buy, Borders, JCrew, LLBean, Barnes and Noble, Banana Republic, Amish Gourds, Victoria's Secret, Amazon, Alpaca Direct, Ebay and the rest of you for letting me know of your awesome, not to be missed, today only, never again deals.  I really do appreciate seeing the things I know I can't buy.

Maybe next year I won't have this give-me-itchy-red-stress-bumps junk going on at a time when I'm supposed to be merry and bright and I can take part in a $2 deal on Garfield: The Movie.

Maybe...

(frowny face)

But on a happier note I have a whole fridge full of dessert at home!

Happy for me, that is.

(smiley face)

I Want UpLIFTing

I am not what you would call "fashion forward."

I'm more of a "fashion circa 1995."

Or "fashion Land's End."

Maybe "fashion shoulder pads and high tops."

But I exaggerate.

No, I am not one to put this top with those pants and this loop-dee-loop with this vest and that scarf over this hair band.

Not because I don't like the look of sassy young things today.  I just don't know how to achieve it effortlessly. 

But in an attempt to take a much delayed step into a probably fading trend, I got me some tall leather boots.

(to ward off any hurt feelings from Corey I should add that he did buy them....with our money....and because he was in the dog house.)

And I went out yesterday in search of skinny jeans.  It took some getting used to, but I started liking the workin'-on-the-farm-in-gunk-so-high-I-need-me-some-tall-foot-protection look.

work it Cameron Diaz.

So to make what was a long story, but then deleted because it was too long, short, I did not end up with skinny jeans.  For some reason the Gap thinks that even though there is much less material needed to make a pair of jeans that clings mercilessly to every single curve, nook, and cranny they can charge as much as they do for normal grown-up pants.  The kind that uses double the fabric and gives your ankles plenty of personal space.

Oh, but they were comfortable.  See, typically when you have to practically paint your clothes on, they tend not to move about.  Which means they aren't riding all up in your business.

The price was just not right.  Instead I left with three sale shirts that are made to be too big.  Go figure.

But, alas, I know those jeans are meant to be mine.  At checkout I was the lucky winner of the random customer survey.

"Fill out your silly little survey and get 20% off my next purchase which will be those jeans I tried on in, like, 20 minutes?  Of course I will!"

Ha.  Little survey my....finger.  After answering questions about where I was, why I was there, what I did, who I saw, where else do I shop, I got this set of questions:

Have you heard of ***** brand?    No.

Have you heard of ***** brand?    Nope.

Have you heard of ***** brand?    Hmmm....thought that was a kind of dish soap.

Where are you going with this, Gap?  Are you trying to tell me something?

What brands do our jeans mostly resemble in fit and quality?

Yeah, ok.  So all of my jeans are so old and worn out in all the right places I can't remember how they fit in better times.  And I've never heard of, let alone own, a pair of 7 degrees of Kevin Bacon or whatever the brand is.  I don't need you to remind me how behind I am in fashion trends.  As you can probably tell by my transaction number I live in upstate New York, the wear-slippers-to-the-grocery-store capital.  So I believe I am qualified to skip this question thanksomuch.

Please answer the question.

Dang, you've got a lotta nerve Gap.  Here I am doing you a  service when all I'm getting out of the deal is a few dollars off a pair of jeans already marked up a-thousand percent and you're going to be all demanding?!

What the heck else could you possibly want to know?!

Touche, Gap.  Touche.  I'll be seeing you Wednesday.

Ahhhh, the Holidays

Within the past few days I have spent more time baking two pies than it takes to make an entire Thanksgiving meal.  I locked myself out twice.  I ate way too much.  I learned how to rue.  I shopped at 3am.  I spent 4 hours standing in lines.

I sat outside of JCPenny with my dad at 2:45 this morning for the super doorbuster deal on a cozy pair of slippers.  We were the first in line.  We were the line. 

It was his "spreadsheet of savings" that brought us to the store, an organizational tactic you see in only the most seasoned Black Friday shoppers.  However, it was our rookie naïveté that lead us to believe we would actually have to fight an angry mob of shoppers for doorbuster cargo pants.

Needless to say, we got everything we needed without incident...but not without embarrassment.

Tips for future Black Friday shopping:

• If you will be standing in line outside, wear layers that can be easily removed.
• Designate a line holder while others shop.
• Fanny pack to hold water, mints, bandaids, air deodorizer.

It's all a waiting game

Who can wait the longest for that $100 46" flat screen TV??

I'll tell you who can: me.

And my dad.

And anyone else who is brave-slash-crazy enough to park it in the dark, in the cold, for 5+ hours with nothing to entertain you but your own wit.

By "wit" I mean sarcastic remarks about frozen snot balls.

We'll be among the first to receive Best Buy's golden ticket of savings, giving us the opportunity to spend $200 and walk away with two microwaves, a DVD player, the first season of House, and a fridge.

This is all complete conjecture, of course.  I have never actually seen this coupon, as they are handed out to only the earliest of early birds.  However, I was offered one two years ago.  For $65.  This leads me to believe it either contains an abundance in savings or it is printed on gold leaf.

No matter, I will have one in my hand at 3:30am Friday. 

In my other hand will be a pastry of some kind.  Maybe a turkey sandwich.