Tuesday, January 5, 2010

My name is Lucky.

I am one of those unfortunate souls who just can't catch a break.  If something could go wrong, it usually does.  Luckily I've become accustomed to my misfortune and can find some humor in most embarrassing situations.

I was reminded of my unlucky streak yesterday as I fell half dressed out of the changing stall I forgot to lock in the YMCA's locker room.

What came to mind, however, had absolutely nothing to do with accidental exposure (although I do forget to zip my fly almost every time we visit Corey's family), or embarrassing falls.

Back in my early 20's, a long, long time ago, I managed to drop things in the toilet at the most inopportune times.  Come to think of it, I don't know that there really is a good time, but I digress.

It was Halloween night, and I spent the evening with friends at a neighbor's house.  My costume: bunny ears and a fluffy tail.  Unoriginal, but super cool.  Anyway, one fateful trip to the bathroom found my fuzzy white tail swimming in a pool of...um, slightly yellow water.

Don't hold this part against me, I was young and under the influence of...uh, orange soda. 

I scooped out my soggy tail, dried it off on a towel (I know, I know....), reattached it with the same faulty safety pin and rejoined my friends.  End of story.  Not too bad.

This next situation is cringe-worthy.  I'm actually cringing right now.

Not too long after the tail incident I spent a weekend with a friend visiting his sister and her family.  As you probably know, in an unfamiliar place your normal routines fly out the window.  Especially when it comes to shower time.

You set a bag of make-up here, a bag of hair supplies there, old clothes on the floor, fresh clothes on the back of the toilet....wait, no the hair supplies should go there, and the make-up on that side of the counter....no that doesn't work either...and so on.

My point is, you're flustered.  You have limited space for all your stuff.  Accidents can happen.  And an accident did happen.

My underwear fell in the toilet.  Fresh underwear.  By then it was my only pair.


It's not like I can announce to everyone, "hey, I just dropped a pair of panties in the toilet...you think they'd go down ok?"

So, of course, I scoop them out and wring the excess water.  Gross, gross, gross, gross, gross.  Gross.

But what now??

Can't dry 'em.

Can't lay 'em out to dry.

"I'll roll them up in toilet paper!!"

Awesome idea 21 year old Stace.

So that's what I do.  I wrap them up in half a roll of toilet paper.  Then I wrap my old clothes around the panty-roll, and set everything on top of my bag in the living room.  We go about our day sight-seeing and come back to find the room rearranged.

"Wait a sec.  Where's my bag?!"

My friend's brother-in-law moved it.

"Why are my old clothes not wrapped the same way?!"

That's right.  My secret was uncovered.

Under the pile of clothes I find my now soggy toilet paper ball which, to him, contained who knows what.

Oh the absolute horror.  And now the agony of deciding whether or not to bring it up.  It was, after all, just underwear.  Not a big deal, right?!

I left the issue hanging.  And to this day he is probably still wondering what was in that soggy mess he accidently touched.

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