Friday, December 31, 2010

Friday Resolutions

As you know, Fridays are my time to confess the embarrassing and stupid.  I feel the need to leave you with frightening pictures of me walking around town with m'zipper wide open (which I still manage to do at least once a week, like yesterday). 

But this is not the time for frightening or embarrassing or self-deprecating.  This is the last post on the last day of the year, people.  I want to leave you with something hopeful.  Something up-lifting.  Something glass-is-half-full-if-I-can-just-do-all-these-dang-things.

So, without further ado, my 2011 Resolutions:

1.  Train for the triathlon in June.

But let's not get crazy here.  The mini triathlon that is manageable for drowners like me.

2.  Break my addiction to carbs and brownies.

And not make "cheat" days "eat a box of brownie mix" days.

3.  Save up enough money for a down payment on the house I love. 

The same house Corey swears we are not buying.  More on that later.

4.  Convince Corey he loves the house too.

Using the powers of persuasion.  I know my sales techniques: "Hey Cor, let's have seven kids!!"  I really just want four.  See what I did there?  Four seems soooo much more manageable now after being compared to seven.

Sales seminar, TBD.

5.  Stop smoking.

Check.  I always throw this one in the mix so I can start the year off having already accomplished something.

6.  Hold Corey and myself to weekly date nights.

Otherwise I might forget what he looks like.

7.  Leave the workforce to raise four kids, wear a frilly apron, and cook homemade pot pies.

You have to throw in one impossible dream even if Sarah Palin will call you a Neanderthall for it.

8.  Finish reading my Bible already.

Sheesh, I started in January and am only at Jeremiah, for goodness sake. (that's barely halfway)  But honestly, I don't know how many more ways God can warn the Israelites the Babylonians are coming.

9.  Find a charity and offer up my services.

These are my available resources: I can drive, I can read, I have a dog that is furry and licks a lot, I like children and grandparents, I am adaptable to warm temperatures, I know how to put together a spreadsheet, and I am not prone to peer pressure.

10.  Enter and win a pie eating contest.

This is a stretch.  But I really love pie.  And I'm pretty sure I could eat a whole one very quickly.  Actually, I just want a reason to eat an entire Mrs. Smith's raspberry pie without having to share.  Don't judge.

...

So, there we are.  Positive wishes for the start of the new year.  If 10 wasn't such a nice round number I would have added a #11: Follow through on all resolutions except for number seven because there really isn't a realistic way to have four kids by the end of the year unless I were to have twins and adopt twins or possibly have triplets and adopt a fourth or a number of other combinations.

But I digress.

Have a safe and happy New Year friends!

Thursday, December 30, 2010

A Close Call

Now why in the H-E-double-hockey-sticks does my car have to be a magnet for 1) ice chunks and 2) highway debris flying through the air??

I apologize for the profanity, but this just peeves me right off.

Some of you newbies who don't have the time, energy, determination, stamina, etc. to read all 400+ previous posts may not know the issues (read: horrible, bad, worst luck) I've had since I've owned my darling little Tucson.

Above, I am referring to two specific incidents: the first happened in the winter of '07.  I was parked in my parents' driveway, closest spot to the house when a chunk of ice the size of you and me slid right off the roof and slammed into the side causing $3,000 in damages.

The second was that next summer as I drove up the highway to the movie theater.  A tire broke loose from a trailer in front of me and went bouncing down the road.  It bounced first on the pavement, which gave it just the boost it needed to jump up onto the hood of my car.  It's a miracle the sucker didn't land right in my lap.

So, what happened yesterday was a combination of the two.  To say I nearly had a heart attack would be an understatement.  To say I peed my pants would be a fact.

But I exaggerate.

Here I am yesterday evening making my way down I-87 after a long, uneventful day at work when a 1" thick (when things are flying toward you you tend to remember such details) chunk of ice twice the surface area of my hand flies off the car in front of me, crashes onto the corner of my windshield and skids up and off the top.

Let me tell you, it ain't so easy re-starting breathing patterns, unclenching every muscle in your body, and assessing damage while traveling at 70mph.

Luckily there was no damage.  Physically.

Mentally I'm a wreck.

This morning I flinched as a small piece of paper floated from car to car.  I don't think you ever get over these things.

**sigh**

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

A few words of wisdom

Don't seal up your Tupperware with leftovers while they're still hot. 

It'll form a suction you're not going to be in the mood to fight tomorrow at lunchtime.

...

Thank me later.

A kitchen without gadgets is like....a kitchen. Without gadgets.

While in TJ Maxx picking up a replacement baking sheet for the one my Christmas quiche destroyed (didn't know a girly breakfast item could be so destructive, did you?), Corey's mom and I had the following conversation:

"So Beetle, do you need anything else for the kitchen while we're here?"

"Um, well we could use some new dish towels."

"Done.  We'll get these.  Anything else?"

"Hmmm, not that I can think of..."

Then later on that day Corey and I drove home and I remembered some things we could have used.  For instance:


...a dish drainer.  Currently, we use a crappy dish towel.  And yes, that is several layers of dishes stack precariously on top of other dishes.  We have had dish avalanches.


We could also use some salt and pepper shakers.  Our current method (pouring salt out of the tube) makes dishes just slightly salty.  And I say that with extreme sarcasm.  At least the pepper has little holes and it is harder to over pepper.  So maybe we just need a salt shaker.  But that's dumb.

I was given rooster shakers (which I l-o-v-e) but Corey has requested something a tad more...normal.


Here is our butter dish.  Quite literally.  We put our butter on a plate.  A regular plate we eat dinner on.  Yes, we eat dinner on paper plates.  For convenience.  When we switch Dixie patterns we do eventually switch our butter "dish."



Next is a double whammy: this is our food-off-chin-wiping-system.  Also known to some as napkins.  As you can see, this is not napkins.  It's a roll of paper towels.  So, 1) we don't have napkins, 2) thus, we don't have a napkin holder, and 3) also no paper towel holder.  Triple whammy, actually.

...

We're pretty kitchen-deficient despite owning three kinds of whisks and a little gadget that squeezes the daylights out of garlic, but somehow we manage to get food in our bellies.

It's called Stouffer's chicken pot pies.

Don't cry for me.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Ten on Tuesday

Here I am.  Back from Christmas and all the cheery chaos and ready to talk about my feet.  But are you ready to read?  Ah ha....

No Roots and Rings button today.  I'm working from home.  Which means I'm fixin' to pour me a bowl of cereal and settle in with Will Smith and his homies in Bel Air.  So click on this link or that link or the one over there because they'll all take you over to Chelsea, our host.


1. What was the number one item on your Christmas wishlist?
I didn't have a wish list, per se.  There were a few things I wanted, but never really expressed as part of "the list."  And then there were items that would have been too big for "the list" anyway.


2. Did you get the number one item on your Christmas wishlist?
I got those too big items.  1) Husqvarna sewing machine that makes fancy letters and plugs into the computer, and 2) a 10-day trip to Washington to see my Aunt Cindy and her family and go on a week-long quilting retreat.

Score for my parents and Corey.

3. How long has it been since you’ve had a pedicure?
Two weeks before my wedding....so, way too long.

4. How cold is it in your city today?
Just got back from walking Oliver-dog.  Eighteen degrees.  Took me ten minutes to get all my layers on and then about five before I regretted putting all those layers on.

5. How many pillows do you sleep with?
I start with two, but then I end up with one very flat pillow.

6. Can you roll your tongue?
You betcha.  People who can't are weird.

7. Do you always buy the same mascara or do you try new ones each tube?
I have no mascara loyalties.  I wear the one that has enough goop in it.

8. What’s your favorite cookbook?
Currently, Pioneer Woman's.  She uses butter liberally, and there ain't nothin' better than a quarter-cup in every bite.

Ew, but that would mean taking just one big bite of butter. 

You know what I mean.

9. What was your first pet?
We had fish when I was in Kindergarten, but if I remember correctly, one of them had babies and another ate them.  So, that was a bit traumatic.  My next pet was an earthworm I found in the gutter after a rainy day.  I accidentally rolled over him with my roller skate.  Since then I have had about the same luck with pets.  I am, to this day, especially sorry over what happened to Neo, my guinea pig.

Long story.

10. Do you wear jewelry on a daily basis?
Besides the "I'm hitched" stuff, I try to wear at least a pair of earrings.  Other than that I think jewelry looks weird on me.  Maybe if I had a fancy haircut...

Friday, December 24, 2010

Friday Confessions

1.  I go to bed around 9:30, but two nights this week I was up until midnight working on jewelry.  I may or may not have kicked Corey one of the next mornings when his alarm went of at 6am on his day off.

2.  I'm going to NYC today.  It's going to be equal parts magically cheerful and stinky-crowded-hot mess.

3.  I may or may not have considered taking back all the gifts I bought and spending the money at the Rockefeller Plaza Antropologie.

4.  I love Antropologie more than life itself.

5.  I have issues.

6.  The hole in my coat is still there.

7.  I cooked Brussels sprouts at my parents' house for my office luncheon.  When they came home they thought one of the dogs had died.

8.  I have ingested more cookies in a week than most people in an entire year.  I am more jittery than a cocker spaniel and I'm pretty sure I'm freakin' out my co-workers.

9.  I felt the need to wear a super cheesy holiday sweater to Corey and my Christmas party Saturday.  Although it wasn't cheesy enough because I got a lot of "Hey, uh, you look...nice."

10.  New Year's Resolution: begin shopping for, and wrapping next year's Christmas gifts in February.

...

I'm a pretty lame blogger this week.  Sorry.  It's Christmas and I've been spreading Christmas cheer!....and eating cookies.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

PSA: Cookies Kill

Hey, so here's something you should not try at home:

Don't make a day out of eating nothing but cookies.

...

Let's say you just happen to have a basket full of those chocolate crackle cookies laying around from a party you threw the previous night.  You know, the kind that are your favorites because they're made almost entirely out of chocolate.  As you wash the dishes the next morning and kick yourself for not use plastic forks it is not a good idea to shove a handful of crackles in your mouth between rinses.

And let's say you have a cookie exchange planned for that afternoon for which you need to make five dozen of your own chocolately fudgie cookies.  It will be detrimental to your health if you 1) eat as you bake, and 2) eat as you exchange.

At this point you would be up to a dozen and a half cookies consumed with, hypothetically, just a slaw dog in your belly as a buffer between rounds.

I'm not sure if this is common knowledge: a slaw dog is a hot dog with cole slaw on top of it.  New to me.  But delish, nonetheless.

Now let's say the stars have aligned in your favor and you just happen to have an open house dessert buffet scheduled for this exact same day.  A buffet that features 46 different dessert items arranged all around your host's house.  Should you decide to load your plate with cheesecakes, cookies and fruit bars in a very unorganized, unladylike fashion, by the end of the night, you will (again, hypothetically) find yourself in a coma, sweating sugar crystals and gurgling the words, "can't....eat....maybe just....one....more."

...

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I speak not from personal experience, only a fool would go an entire day eating nothing (except for the occasional slaw dog) but cookies.  But I come to you out of concern for your health and well-being in this season of cookie overload.  Make smart choices.  Eat celery.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Did She Say...Radio?!

I'm part of a committee at our local performing arts center that is geared toward attracting younger members.  We're essentially a party planning committee.

"Orange is whorish."

I know, that's the first thing I thought of, too.

(before I get The Email, it's a TV reference, mom.)

So for this committee we're planning a Mad Men themed Winter Ball in February in the Hall of Springs, the place where Corey and I got married.  It's going to be all swanky with white leather couches and period costumes.  We'll have a band that may or may not get bombarded with Bon Jovi requests by a certain super Jon Bon fan, and possibly a signature cocktail (read: gin and ice).  I'm psyched.  And everyone in the committee is pretty pumped, too.  But to build excitement outside our group a we have a radio spot planned for January.

Radio.

(shiver)

A mass email was sent out to the committee asking for a few volunteers to be interviewed.

(shiver)

We would be asked questions about the committee and the ball.

(shiver)

To be aired on...the radio.

(shiver)

You may be wondering why I have this seemingly irrational reaction to the possibility of being on the radio.  I have had previous speaking engagements that turned out to be slightly less than totally humiliating:
  1. Engagement #1: At a work function I was not asked to speak in front of an audience of children, their parents, Olympic medalists, a Congressman and his aides, but I decided to get up anyway.  To tell them I didn't have anything to say.
  2. Engagement #2: I was asked to do a radio interview on the importance of colorectal screening.  'Nuff said.
And this is just this year's list.  I have stumbled on the radio before, nervously laughing at every question asked.  I also told the Mayor of Long Beach, CA that my parents thought he looked like the Mayor of Munchkin Land.

I should be banned from any and all speaking opportunities.  There should be one of those helper dogs for people like me who stick their feet in their mouths and practically choke on them.

"So Stacie, how do you feel about America's ties with Israel?"

"Um, well (WOOF, woof, woof, woof, WOOF, WOOF)..."

"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you."

"Whoopsy, my dog knows I was going to say something stupid.  Which I probably did, but you didn't hear it.  Good boy, Randy."

...

Of course I could just try to think before I talk.  Process questions and come up with answers and then just....talk.  But that's just silly.

Ten on Tuesday

I was still awake this side of Tuesday, so there is a very good chance I will not make much sense today.


1. Do you do any volunteer work?
I'm in between volunteer jobs right now.  I was spending Wednesdays at the art museum, Sundays in children's church and other random days doing projects with/for the soup kitchen, but all of that has sorta dissipated.  I can't tell you what my future volunteer plans are beyond the nap I plan to take around 6:30pm tonight.


2. Do you have night and/or morning ritual?
I have a very strict morning ritual.  If I don't follow each step in its exact sequence I forget something important, like deodorant.  At night I'm a little more relaxed.  I give myself about half an hour of "unwind" time after washing my face and brushing my teeth, in which I fall asleep after the first five minutes.

3. Would you rather exercise or diet? Why?
Exercise: because I love carbs too much.  And brownies.  And sometimes I just need a hotdog.

4. If you would rather exercise, do you prefer going to a gym or working out at home?
Gym: I need visual distractions from the pain and agony that is...exercise.

5. What do you think is a huge waste of time?
Television.  I can't tell you how many mornings on my days off I've spent glued to home remodeling projects on HGTV when I've got a million and a half projects waiting.

6. What is one way you save time?
I am a one-tripper. 

"Hey, you have a lot of stuff here, why don't you take two trips?"

"No, see if I balance the dessert tray on my head I can get everything in One Trip..."

7. What is your current obsession?
Feltballs.  I was up until midnight making 60 to be turned into two necklaces and 20 felted acorns.

8. What is a current obsession you can’t wait to pass?
Feltballs.  I was up until midnight making 60 to be turned into two necklaces and 20 felted acorns.

9. Are you currently reading a book? If so, what book? Would you recommend it?
Oooo, I'm reading Shanghai Girls by Lisa See.  It was supposed to be for the library's book club yesterday, but I couldn't finish in time.  I love it.  Love.  It.  It's about these two girls from Shanghai who are forced to get married and move to Los Angeles.  Sounds kinda boring, but Lisa is a good authress.

10. Since we had the 90s question last week, what’s your favorite songs from 00′s?
I secretly loved Brittney Spears and N'Sync, although not so secretly when I would walk around campus doing the "Bye, bye, bye" jump.  You know what I'm talking about.  I also loved that one Lifehouse song, "Hanging by a Moment" and DMB's "No. 41" because they were the love of my second semester, freshman year's favorite songs.
...

Peace out.  I'm going to go day dream about my nap...

Friday, December 17, 2010

Friday Confessions

1.  I am putting my two cents into a much heated debate: Edward is soooo much better than Jacob.

2.  I've been walking around for the past two months with a hole in my coat the size of my fist.

3.  When I drink orange juice in the morning I burp like Tupperware.

4.  Corey stole my chapstick.  I feel naked without it.

5.  This morning I may or may not have touched dog poo.  I'm really not sure.  I hope not.  Those dang poop bags are just too small to fit a full ski glove and one large dump.

6.  My dog has a shrink.

7.  Overdue band reference: a friend of mine mentioned how she still might know how to play Anchors Away on her flute and I practically fell over and shouted from the floor, "THAT'S MY SCHOOL SONG!!"

8.  The complaint department (aka my phone) is closed from now until January 3rd.  I will only accept the following conversations:
  • Merry Christmas
  • You've won a million dollars
  • I love your hair like that
  • Your skirt is tucked into your pantyhose
9.  I've eaten a handful of spinach the past few days and now I can remember what I had for breakfast and whether or not I'm wearing the same outfit two days in a row.

10.  I hate spinach.  When I say I eat handfuls that means I've chopped it up and hid it with much better tasting food.  Like cheese.

.....

Have a Merry Christmassy weekend!  I will not see you as I have more hair pulling, I mean holiday prepping to do...

(Jesus is the reason for the season, Jesus is the reason for the season...)

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Fozzy, Get Your Act Together

Raise your hand if it just ain't Christmas without The 12 Days of Christmas as sung by the Muppets?

(scans crowd)

(scans crowd s'more)

Maybe you just haven't heard it in awhile.  Allow me refresh your memory:



 Now tell me you aren't ready to coat every square inch of your living space with twinkling white lights.

Merrrrrry Christmas!

Happy Panic Mode!

I am officially overextended.

And now I have to take a day off from work to take care of all of my extras that aren't supposed to get in the way of, you know, the job I am actually paid to do.

But, alas, they have.

**sigh**
  1. A friend of mine commissioned me to make a necklace she can give as a gift.  And she wants it before Christmas.  The nerve.
  2. Thanks to my friend Jennifer, who is also a fellow crafter, all of my jewelry is sitting in a boutique waiting to be sold.  But thanks to my friend Jennifer all of my jewelry is sitting in a boutique waiting to be sold!  I have no stock.  I need to felt my heart out.
  3. Sunday I am going to a cookie exchange.  I need to bring five dozen cookies.  Homemade cookies.  The nerve.
  4. Saturday is Corey and my Christmas party, for which I am making a appetizer or two and cleaning my apartment, floor to ceiling, with a toothbrush and q-tip.  I like to be thorough.
  5. Friday my entire office is getting together for a potluck lunch.  I signed myself up to bring an entree and appetizer because I felt I didn't already have enough going on.

Tonight I have a meeting, and tomorrow and Friday night I feel like I have something going on that I just can't remember at the moment.  So if I don't take tomorrow off I will have 12 hours on Saturday to complete the entire list.

**dry heave**

And this list doesn't include the shopping, the wrapping, the fretting, more baking, and card mailing that will go on next week.

Oh dear, Merry Christmas!

(say it with me: Jesus is the reason for the season, Jesus is the reason for the season...)

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Ten on Tuesday

Have I mentioned how much I love these Tuesday posts?  I live for random, and what is more random than cheese?  Go over to Roots and Rings and thank Chelsea for throwing all this business together every week.  And then look at her baby.  A-dor-a-ble.


1. What is your favorite kind of cheese?
Cheddar or mozzarella.  Or whatever kind can go in everything.

Except for American.  I love America, but can't stand our cheese. 

C'mon guys, we can do better than this.
2. Do you prefer fudge with or without nuts?
Yes.  Puh-leeze.

3. How do you feel about cats?
I've always been allergic to cats, so I've never really been around them.  Until, I met Corey.  And his family.  And his family's cats.  On the one hand there was Margarita, a soft, snuggly gray cat that I l-o-v-ed.  Then on the other is Tully, my in-laws' big, scary, I'm-watching-you, S.O.B.

The verdict is in:  I'll take my chances.  I want a kitty.
4. Meg Ryan or Julia Roberts?
I always liked Julia, then I saw some interview where she was acting a little snooty there on her high horse.  So I'm going with Meg Ryan.  We can't deny her cheesy romantic comedy-edness.

5. Do you wear a watch?
I do.  But it's for show.  I have a 12 and a 6 and then two tick marks.  Unless those hands are lined up with any of the four indicators, I'm lost.

6. What are a few of your favorite songs from the 90′s?
Anything Backstreet Boys.  Hey, remember Ace of Base?  Is it lame if I still love them?

7. Do you like scented candles?
I do, but I'm not as diligent in lighting them as Corey.  And I like the girly scents, but since I live with a boy now, we go with the smell of apples or a beach or a campfire.  Eh.

8. What do you like on your hamburger?
Everything imaginable.

9. How often do you cut your fingernails?
I guess every couple weeks, or so.  I like to keep the suckers short.  Long nails creep me out.  Long story.

10. Do you sleep in socks?
I start out in full nighttime regalia: socks to sweatshirt.  But in a matter of hours I'm down to my final layer.  Every day of my life I'm freezing cold at one time or another, and yet I sweat like a water buffalo in my sleep.

That's ten.  Bye now.

Monday, December 13, 2010

If only presents could be gummy bears and hot pockets...

There is a reason Jill and I are friends.  Follow this email if you dare:

Stacie: "thanks for reminding me of something i needed to do in relation to your sorta present that i forgot to do about five hours ago."

Jill: "what's a sorta present? can you give me an example? is it like...say we're driving on the highway to some destination, we've been on the road for a couple of hours, you forgot to fill-up your car with gas because you were busy loading everything in the car, and Oliver had to go for walk so you took him out to pee before he got in the car and then you remembered you left his water dishes and food bowl inside so then you go back inside and while your grabbing Oliver's stuff you decide to grab some cheeze-itz for the road but then Corey starts arguing with you because you're taking all the snack food out of the house and he needs those snack foods to watch the game that's about to come on and then you yell back that you bought them so he can go get his own, and so all your arguing and scrambling made you leave late which made you late in picking me up and you didn't have time to get gas and i didn't eat anything because i was planning on waiting until we arrived at our destination so then when you stopped for gas you decided you would run into the gas station and buy me a soda, gummy bears and a hot-pocket TYPE OF PRESENT??"

Please excuse me as I pick myself up off the floor.  Again.

Empty

I know we've been over this before, but I'll just share what's on my mind:

Sometimes I just don't have anything to say, yo.

And I've had nothing to say All.  Day.

Although technically I could have said things like: Hey, my purse smells like a dirty car.  But where would that have gone?  I'll tell you where, a place I don't normally like to go.

I also could have told you about how I wore my rain boots to work, expecting it to rain, and that it didn't actually rain any more than thirty minutes at 9am.  But would you have cared?

Of course you would have.  You nice souls, you.

(Except for that Stacey girl who posts pictures of me sleeping.)

(Hehe, uh, just kidding Stace.  I kid, I kid....and I'm a little afraid of you.)

We could have delved into the mysteries of the universe and you could have gone on and on about the meaning of our existence on this big rockin' world and I would have said, "funny thing about those hippos, huh?  What's up with that?"  And then you would have gotten mad because you'd realize I'm about as deep as a paper cup.

So, really, it's best that I just keep myself to myself some days.  For both our sake.

Hasta manana, hombres.

Friday, December 10, 2010

I Repeat: No. News.

"Hey Stace, do you want to grab some lunch in about half-an-hour?"

"Sorry, daddy.  I can't.  I actually just got to the office."

"Oh, why?"

"I had a doctor's appointment."

"....oh, really?"

"Yeah."

"Is there anything you want to tell me?"

"...no?"

"No nausea....?"

"Ugh, daddy!  It was just a check up!"

Friday Confessions

1.  I read this in the paper Monday: Iran says it can make yellowcake.  It was not the article I thought it would be...
2.  While brushing my teeth I often wonder if zombies are creeping up behind me.

3.  Last Saturday I spent the day in New York City with a group of people who are very liberal with their f-bombs and other choice words.  After a full day I got back on the train to head home.  I looked in a mirror and noticed my very limp hair and said to myself, "I gotta put this sh#! up."

4.  The last time I was on a train before last weekend was in California when I was around 10 years old.  My family was on our way to San Juan Capistrano when we passed a group of about 30 people all bent over, mooning the train.  So many butts....

5.  My parents are Toby Mac groupies.

6.  This one is embarrassing: Only just recently did I discover people's references to "Big Brother" did not actually have anything to do with the TV show.

7.  I have lost all faith in Doorbusters and Bonus Buys.  Yesterday Bon Ton advertised a Magic Bullet set for "only" $39.97.  They say the original price is $80 when I know for a fact those suckers are only $50.  Who do you think you're fooling Bon Ton??

8.  While sitting at a desk or table, if I see a spot of something that appears to be sticky I feel this irresistible urge to touch it.  This action is always, always, always followed by, "what was I thinking?!"

I'm just curious.

9.  On Wednesday I turned down an entire tray of deviled eggs. 

"Are you sure?  We aren't going to eat them...?"

"Um.  No thanks."

Way to choose that day to be polite.

10.  I have a tendency to avoid change.  Even when the same corner of the locker room I use at the gym starts to smell like pee.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Zombies: End In Sight, But Not The One I Want

This is it.  The recap of the last episode of The Walking Dead.  The last.  Ever.

Until the new season starts.

Which will feel like forever because I am seriously hooked on this show, people.

However I am thanking my lucky stars the folks at AMC had the decency to not leave me hanging.  There was a teeny bit of closure to this finale.  Which is more than every other episode.  All four of them.

Let's see, where did we leave the gang last week?  The CDC?

Ah, yes.  The CDC.

And, scene:

The group enters the CDC building.  Remember, last time they all packed up their gear and dying friend and headed off the mountain to find:
  1. a cure
  2. live people
  3. shelter from the dead ones
Little did they know everyone else was (dum dum duuuuuum) DEAD.  Yes.  At the CDC all we see is, um, Jenner.  That may or may not be his name, but it is unimportant as he is blown to smithereens later.  Wait, I'll get to the massive explosion that destroys the entire CDC facility and all it's occupants.

Ahhh, now you're interested.

Yeah, so Mr. Jenner is it.  Half of the staff left to be with their families, then the other half got depressed and, well, disposed of themselves.  This guy stayed because he "owed it to his wife."  She was a scientist that became infected.

And this is where science comes in and makes the whole zombie take-over possible: your brain gets infected, then your whole system starts shutting down.  In a matter of time, this infection wakes up your brain stem, but just your brain stem so you can walk and eat people and not feel guilty or like getting to know them first.

Jenner shows us the brain scans of a patient.  Patient 19.

"Your wife was patient 19."

Whoa. 

**dabs eyes**

So anyway, what's going on with Shawn and Lori?  A little tension, maybe?  Now that Rick is back, girlfriend wants to be with her husband, and where does that lead the old, very-brief flame, Shawn?  Single.  And jealous.  And angry.  See, when they were finally let into the building and met Jenner, or whatever his name is, they found his stash of food.  Lots of food.  And the vino.

Oh boy did they love the vino!  A little too much.  And that's when we see Shawn get bold.

"I love you,"  he says to Lori as he shoves her against some arcade game.  Because nothing says love like bruises.  What else says love?  Unwanted friskiness.  She, obviously, gets a little upset.  She thinks he lied to her about Rick being dead, and all.

Now let's rewind a sec.  More like 30 minutes because I forgot something crucial here: we didn't really know what happened in that hospital while Rick was there in his coma.  Sunday night we found out.  Oh, it pains me to write this.  It was chaos.  Ultimate chaos.  And at the center of it all was the army.  They were shooting everybody.  So here's Shawn trying to get Rick outta there but he listens for a heartbeat and doesn't find one.

Great.

So he's all upset.  This was his best friend, remember.  He walks out of the room, trying to avoid being seen by both the walkers and the army and shoves a hospital bed in front of the door.

Hmmm....why try to protect a dead guy, Shawn?

Anyway, let's go back to the naughty scene.  Lori's hatred of Shawn, we see, is a tad unfounded.  Yes, throwing yourself on a person is never a good way to win them over, but she was operating under false information that he lied about Rick being dead.  Oh how things might have been different if she only knew...

**sigh**

I have a feeling future meetings around the dinner table are not going to be pleasant in the future.

But I digress.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but what is this countdown?" the old man asks of a digital countdown clock.

"That's the end of the fuel for the generators."  Jenner responds.

"What happens at zero?" someone asks.

"System decontamination." This is where the computer jumps in.  She's like a talking Google.

Decontamination.  This sounds serious.

Uh, yeah.  The place is going to blow up in an hour.  But here's the problem: Jenner locks everyone in.

This is what is so great about the way AMC makes a TV series.  I started to panic.  Like "Ohmigosh we are going to explode!" panic.  Thanks to Oliver's constant breath on my face (read: the smell of death) I was jolted back to reality.

We spend a good amount of time trying to talk Jenner into opening the doors.  And we all know he's going to.  If everyone explodes that's the end of the show.  It was the season finale, not series.

I don't remember what was said.  I'm in this thing for the action not the dialogue.  But eventually he opens the doors to the inner chamber they were in with four minutes to spare.

But not everyone leaves.  A couple of ladies stay because they don't want to die by zombie bites later, but the old guy convinces one of them to come with him.

There's a lot of relationship building here.  But I guess that comes with death and disaster.

So everyone runs to their vehicles and takes shelter and...

And....

AND.......

Boom.

That was a controlled explosion.  Because at the CDC of course they found a way to destroy themselves without destroying everything around it.

And there you have it.  On the road again.  Who knows where.  But we'll find out whenever we're back on for season two.

Lovely Branches, Tree (wink)

"(on phone)...we got our Christmas tree tonight and...(to me) hey beetle, how many fights did we have?"

"Um...None!"

"(on phone again)...and we had NO fights!!"

Surprising, I know.  When you have two people who are 100% correct 100% of the time, you're bound to have slight disagreements when handling projects like this.  Or hooking up a printer, putting furniture together, emptying the dishwasher, walking the dog...you get the idea.

After applying several layers of clothes...

"Corey!  Just how many jackets do you have on under there??"

...we drove out to Hewitt's to pick out the perfect tree.  We were in my car and I drove.  If you know anything about us, this is astonishing.
  1. I am "the worst driver, ever" according to my darling husband
  2. My car is "unsafe" (read: Corey prefers the BMW.  can't blame him)
"For goodness sake Corey, you can stop holding on to the handle."

"It's ok.  I'm....comfortable like this."

...

"Corey, this is MY car.  That means I get to control the radio."

"Yeah, but this is ESPN radio..."

...

"Jeez beetle, you need to get gas!"

"Ugh, I am totally fine.  I have 34 miles left."

...

Luckily, we were the only shoppers in the tree department at Hewitt's.  No one was around to hear the following:

"Oooo, what about this one?"

"No, it's a fraser fir."

"How do you know??"

"Trust me.  I know"

"What about this one?"

"Fraser fir.  What about this?"

"That's the same kind of tree I just showed you!!"

"No it's not.  This is a balsam fir."

"So basically, there is NO difference between a balsam and a fraser??

"Oooo, look at this one."

I have no idea what kind of tree we ended up with, but it smells Dee.  Vine.  It's a little thin for my taste, but it's taller than last year's.  And that's all I was hoping for.

How do I know it's taller?

Well, we may or may not have dug out a measuring tape.  And Corey may or may not have have climbed up the ladder we may or may not have hanging out in our dining room.

Ten.  Feet.  Exactly.



And this was after having the tree guy chop off about seven inches at the very top because it looked like a scary finger.

...

So, after we loaded up the sucker and drove home, I watched as Corey dragged it off my car, up the stairs and through the apartment (read: I took pictures to post here).  A bit of a struggle ensued, Corey vs. the tree, and he eventually got the thing in position to be hoisted up into its stand.

"Will you put the camera down and help?!?"

"Yeah, but I have to document this!"

"Is it for the blog?"

"Yeah..."

"I'll go change."


He walked off and I heard:

"Oh no!"

"What??"

"We lost a crucial piece of the tree!"


...

Now, I have just one more picture to show you, but I was having issues with my phone.  It was going for ethereal while I just wanted to show you what my tree ended up looking like.  I did not win this fight:


I am also fighting with blogger.  Sometimes they don't like to rotate pictures.

I won't get into the whole "light" ordeal.  Let's just say they were done twice and the thing still looks funky.  And Corey and I strongly differ on whether you drape or bury the lights.  It seems to be a combination of drape, bury, and hurry-up-because-my-pigs-in-blankets-are-getting-cold.

But anyway, the tree is up, it's watered, and ready to be decorated. 

Now we just need some decorations!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Oh Where Does The Time Go...

I know you were looking forward to a recap of Sunday's episode of The Walking Dead, but I just haven't gotten around to watching it yet.  Besides, I heard it is the season finale (wha...??  it only just started.) and I'm having a hard time accepting it.

Life, in general, got a tad busier.

I have this thing coming up where I am splitting a table with a friend of mine and we are going to sell our wares.  Our jewelry, that is.  And I have had to spend my "snuggle up with zombies" time putting final touches on necklaces and acorns.

Then I have this other thing tomorrow I'm helping with.  It's a forum about disaster preparedness.  It's getting religious leaders together and pooling resources in case of emergency.  It has the word "epistemic" in the title.

Oh, and you all know about Christmas.  Apparently it's just two-and-something weeks away.  I'd like to say I have a good handle on things, but I don't like to lie this close to the big day.  I do, however, know what I'm getting for others.  Those things just aren't on my person.  Or in close proximity to my person.

And then there are other little things.  Do you know how long it takes to put three layers of clothes on to go outside, only to take them off when you get hot from putting them on?  Or, do you know how long it takes to go through the Sunday fliers that now come most days of the week?  (you never know when The Christmas Tree Shop is going to start stocking that one product you didn't know you couldn't live without.)

So, in other words, I will get to a zombie recap when I can find a 40-minute chunk of uninterrupted, emotionally vacant time.

Later gators.

Ten on Tuesday



1. What do you order at Starbucks?
Tall chamomile tea.  Blech.  What I really want is something creamy with chocolate in it, but since I usually waste my chocolate points on actual chocolate bars I'm stuck with gross flavored water.

2. Where is your favorite place to eat breakfast?
Since breakfast is my most favorite meal of the day I have so many places I love.  There is a restaurant that serves nothing but crepes, or creeps as my dad calls them, both savory and sweet.  Then there is a bakery that has my fav-or-ite muffin, the raspberry corn.  And of course there's Denny's.

3. Are you on Twitter? Why or why not?
Yes, but I don't know how it works.  I signed myself up, started reading about @ functions and gave up.

4. What is your favorite Christmas movie?
Christmas Vacation.  Corey and I watch it and say all the lines and it never gets old!!

5. Are you a good gift giver?
No, I'm terrible!!  I never seem to be able to read a person's likes and really likes.  I end up getting functional gifts like "here's a set of weights because you said you were fat!"

6. Do you like your handwriting? Bonus points for posting a picture.
Sometimes.  I'm just glad it's legible.

ps. I've posted this picture on here before.  Weird.

7. Is your signature legible?
No way!  It goes something like St-squiggle L-squiggle.  But before I was married I was signing StD.  ew.

8. Have you ever been to New York during Christmas season?
See yesterday's post.  But even better than that, Corey and I sometimes go down on Christmas Eve!  We have lunch at the cafe right in Rockefeller Plaza and watch the skaters.  One year, a guy proposed to his girlfriend right there on the ice!  The rink staff cleared everyone off the ice but the couple.  After skating around a few more minutes and her going "what the heck is going on here...?" he knelt down in the middle and did the whole thing with the box, but it was a necklace and he could NOT get the sucker on.  He either gave up, or she did it herself, I can't remember, and another staff person came out with a whole lot of roses.   It was so cute I just about died of romance overload.

9. Are there any items that you are completely brand loyal?
Definitely.  I will not be convinced any other toothpaste is better than Crest.

10. Who is your favorite public speaker?
I'm not exposed to speakers too often these days.  Now that I'm a high school grad and all.  James McDonald was the first person who popped into my head.  We saw him earlier this year.  He talked about trials and hard stuff and cancer and more hard stuff but not in a "man, life sux" kind of way.  Plug:  if you don't know Mr. McDonald, look him up.  Another plug:  if you don't know Jesus, look him up too.

Peace, out.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Wrap It Up: NYC Edition

Hmmm, how do I break down my weekend without making this post the size of Texas?

...

.....

I know.

Bullets.

We all love bulleted lists.  They're short.  Simple.  And short.

Let's start with Friday:
  • I don't remember Friday.
Saturday:
  • Hellloooo 5:00am.
  • Wake up, shower, dress, eat, drive, board train by 7:00am.
  • Giggle at how much I love and miss train rides.
  • Act like it hasn't been 18 years since the last time I was on a real train.
  • Arrive in NYC.
  • Act like it isn't the first time walking around the city by myself.
  • Giggle at how cool it is to be a big girl.
  • Walk fast like locals.
  • Find Rockefeller Plaza.
  • Stare at huge tree.
  • Stare at people.
  • Freeze.
  • Find heaven on earth (read: 2-story Antropologie)
  • Find NBC studio store.
  • Find NBC studio cafe.
  • Find place to sit right at the window where I can stare at people without them knowing I'm staring at them.
  • Wait two hours.
  • Surprise BFF Jill as she walks in the NBC store (her birthday "party" was a NYC scavenger hunt)
  • Take tour of NBC.
  • Wave at SNL cast members.
  • Giggle about almost meeting famous people.
  • Walk to FAO Schwartz.
  • Wait.
  • Wait.
  • Wait.
  • Get in, find two more friends, watch big piano show, hear "let's go find a bar."
  • Walk to bar which was actually a speakeasy.  I just had water.  It's legal.
  • Find Scottish restaurant and eat best crabcake ev-er.
  • Eat chicken.
  • Eat cake.
  • Eat haggis.  Find out what it's made of.  Turn green.
  • Down two pints of beer.  In five and a half hours.
  • Giggle at everything.
  • Realize my train leaves in 30 minutes.
  • Run to Penn Station.  In boots that were barely made for walking.
  • Board train with 6 minutes to spare.
  • Use bathroom on board.  Gag and giggle.
  • Curl up on two seats with scarf over my face.
  • Fall asleep then wake up abruptly no less than 5 times, scared I missed my stop.
  • Reach Albany, find Corey waiting.
  • Drive home, put on pjs, crawl into bed, fall asleep at 3:00am.
Sunday:
  • I don't remember Sunday.
That was easy.  I may choose to expand on some of these activities at a later date.  A date my brain can produce full sentences; any amount of the drink gives me the stupid hat for awhile.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Friday Confessions

Many apologies for missing last week's round of confessions.  I have since crawled out of my trypto-coma and can now carry on with the sharing and caring:

1.  Much to Corey's amazement I watched several hours of a Star Wars marathon Sunday night.

"You're STILL watching this??  Who are you??"

2.  When I lived in California I was under the impression the men building the house at then end of the block would shoot staples at people who said negative things about the house.  So each and every time I rode by on my bike I stopped and said to myself very loudly, "Wow, this is a niiiiiiice house."

3.  I am afraid of slow moving cars.  There has not been a drive-by in Saratoga Springs since the days of the Revolutionary War, and yet as I stand on the sidewalk while my dog does his business I can't help but to think the car creeping toward the stop sign at the end of my street (just yards from my house) is full of MC-13s on a mission.

4.  I may be a little eccentric.

5.  Corey won an iPod and gave it to me (thanks!), and when I went to the computer to set it up and download songs I noticed on his music library the amount of times certain songs were played.  Journey was popular, as were his "track" songs.  Then I scrolled down further and found the most listened to song.  Love Story by Taylor Swift.  I have discovered after five years my husband is a romantic.

6.  Don't dress in all red from now until Christmas unless you want me to call you Santa.

7.  Inappropriateness alert: After being asked to help come up with ideas to decorate tables for a World AIDS Day event the first idea that popped into my head was condoms.

8.  Sassy Stacie is coming back.  I'm painting my nails brown tonight.

9.  When I was planning our wedding I registered for a website called The Knot.  It was full of tips and helpful ideas for wedding planning, but little did I know I was also signing up for The Knot's sister sites: The Nest and The Bump, sites for newlyweds and pregos, respectively.  Recently, my mother stumbled onto my (empty) The Bump profile; thus continues my struggle to convince her we are not expecting.

10.  However, my parents do need grandchildren ASAP.  Today they are borrowing our friend's baby to take him to a Disney magic show in town.

Merry Christmas Shopping!!!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Time for a Little Zombie Action

Actually, we didn't see too many zombies in this last episode of The Walking Dead.

You'd think that would cut down on the gross factor.  It didn't.  See below:

Here we are, the day after the zombies found camp and tried to eat a bunch of people. 

Now, everybody knows once you're bit by a zombie you become a zombie.  Even if that zombie chews on your jugular and you die from blood loss instead of "the fever."  I'm not necessarily into zombies and even I knew that.  You learn it in school, or something.

So now the remaining live people have to bury their dead.  But first they have to make sure their dead don't get up and try to eat them.  This is when it gets gross, because to "kill" a zombie you have to, um, dismantle their brains.  Method of choice:  pick ax.

"Ok, there's no way they can show her put that ax through her husband's skull....OHMIGOSHTHEYSURECAN!!!

And then there was ooze.  Lots and lots of ooze.

Moving right along, there were a lot of little things that happened that leads you to think something will develop later.

Like the best cop friend, Shawn (I told you I'd start remembering names) taking the other cop, Rick, out into the woods to check the perimeter for "walkers" as they call the zombies.  (Shawn was the one who told Rick's wife, um, Lori? that Rick was dead and started to, uh, have relations with her.  Not sure yet if Shawn is a good cop or a bad cop.)  They fight about Rick's plan to move everybody off the mountain and Shawn points his gun at Rick when Rick isn't looking.

Ooooo, what's this all about guys?

They come back from the woods and announce they are packin' it up and moving to the CDC building where they are sure it is safe and people working on a cure (the "I had a dream" guy got bit and is currently dying, Rick thinks they can save him but they end up leaving him by the side of the road...foreshadooooow).

Little do they know, at the CDC building only ONE MAN REMAINS.  What the...?  He's going crazy too.  Apparently he's a scientist trying to figure this zombie disease out, but ends up screwing everything up when the lab is automatically destroyed because he contaminates himself.  Dummy.

So we see the convoy arrive at the CDC to a bunch of dead bodies, and I mean dead, not zombie dead.  There are tanks and barricades, so you know something went down.  The group starts to lose hope when they get to the front doors and find them sealed shut.

Of course they're losing hope.  They drove 100 miles, are out of gas, the sun is going down, zombies start showing up, and they can't get in the dang building.

Rick goes a little berserk.  Can't blame him.  This whole thing was his idea.  But the crazy CDC fellow sees him through the little camera.  At first he seems a little hesitant.  I didn't get this.  The guy is going nuts thinking he is the only one left but he doesn't want other survivors to keep him company?

Just as Shawn grabs Rick to drag them back through the zombies to their cars, crazy man opens the sealed doors.

Aaaaaand that's it.

Ugh.  I hate cliffhangers.  This episode wasn't as exciting, but I believe we are being set up for some action next week.  We'll see.

PS. Still no sign of Merle.

Ten on Tuesday

Tuesday is one day closer to Friday!  WooHoo let's celebrate by reading about me!!


1. Where are you from? Have you lived there your whole life?
HA!  You opened a box, my friend: I currently live in Saratoga Springs, New York, which is what I tell people when they say "where'ya from?" because most people don't want to go into the whole story that is I was born in Long Beach, California where I lived amongst the bullets and crime for 11 years when I moved to Elkhart, Indiana where I lived for another 11 years before moving here.  I can't say where my hometown or "from" is because I lived almost the exact same amount of time in two places.


2. How would you classify your clothing style?
What Not To Wear, pre-makeover.  But I do own a pair of leather boots, so every other week I'm cool.

3. What kind of car do you drive?
2006 Hyundai Tucson.  I secretly love it to pieces.

4. What would your dream home look like if you could have it?
It would have lots of windows, lots of land, French doors, a couple dozen fireplaces, and two sinks in the bathroom so Corey and I don't have to shove each other out of the way every morning.

5. Do you have kids, and if so, how many and how old were you when you had them?
I have no kids, I'm 28-years-old and not gettin' any younger.

(ahem)

6. What is your favorite hobby?
I like making funky jewelry, but sometimes I get paid for it, so does that still make it a hobby?  Other than that my favorite hobby is actually a tie between baking and eating.

7. Are you going to have any New Year’s resolutions for 2011?
Yes, I need to floss more.

8. What is something, if anything, that you’d want to change about yourself?
I'd like a little extra patience.  I have some, but a little more would help me in those situations when a certain someone needs an ice pack for an ingrown nose hair while I can hardly walk on my newly bummed knee.

9. What is something that you love about yourself?
Oooo, I don't know!

10. Pick one of the following: Someone to cook for you, someone to do your laundry, or someone to do your dishes.
DISHES, dishes, dishes.  I don't mind any other chore as much as I do dishes.  But as much as I hate washing them, putting them away is worse.  I'm gagging right now I hate dishes so much.

But I exaggerate.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Corey Sez

While clearing off my jewelry stand:

"Hey Beetle, is there supposed to be another one of these long earring things somewhere?"

"No Corey.  That's a bobby pin."

"Oh..."

Cyber Monday: Bah Humbug!

I'm just sayin', if I get one more Cyber Monday email I just might toss my phone in the toilet.

Because it's one of those I'm-gonna-do-irrational-things-because-a-whole-lotta-crap-is-goin'-down-all-at-once-and-I'm-not-takin'-it-so-good kinda days.

But thanks anyway Best Buy, Borders, JCrew, LLBean, Barnes and Noble, Banana Republic, Amish Gourds, Victoria's Secret, Amazon, Alpaca Direct, Ebay and the rest of you for letting me know of your awesome, not to be missed, today only, never again deals.  I really do appreciate seeing the things I know I can't buy.

Maybe next year I won't have this give-me-itchy-red-stress-bumps junk going on at a time when I'm supposed to be merry and bright and I can take part in a $2 deal on Garfield: The Movie.

Maybe...

(frowny face)

But on a happier note I have a whole fridge full of dessert at home!

Happy for me, that is.

(smiley face)

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Visions of Pink Pineapples Danced in My Head

I have weird dreams most nights, and rarely do I share them because a very wise man named George Carlin once said: "No one gives a..."

Well, you get the idea.

This one, however, I think you might enjoy.

It is one of the more random and bizarre, and very brief:

I walk into a spa and ask a front desk girl for a short massage, a 16 minute massage to be exact.  My shoulders, specifically, were very sore.  She sets me up with a hair dresser who takes me to a dentist chair and leans me back.  I tell her to concentrate on my shoulders and then close my eyes.  This is when 10 people come in and surrounded me in my chair and start telling me a story about a pink pineapple.  Each person told part of the story and it ended with just one person left next to my chair who put half of a donut on my face.

It felt like a very serious moment, but all I could think of was the donut.  It was a chocolate frosted.  And I tried to eat it while lying there.

Weird.

But not as bad as me riding naked in a laundry basket through Egypt.

Daddy Skills

While visiting with Corey's family Thanksgiving night, everyone seemed to notice how good he was with his cousin's two young nieces.

It was like he was prepping for some of his own.

"Hey, Cooooorrrey...come and get us (giggle, giggle)"

"That's it.  I'm locking you in the basement."

"NOOOOOO!!!  Not the basement!!"

I'm scared.

Friday, November 26, 2010

I'm Thankful For Fridays Off

Happy Post Turkey Day, everyone!  I hope you all are recovering nicely.

I, myself, still have a five-pound turkey/stuffing/pumpkin pie rock simmering in my stomach.  It's my second dinner waiting for my first dinner to complete digestion before it can hop on into the intestine train.

Too much?

We had a great day.  I ran in the Turkey Trot in the morning to get the ol' metabolism warmed up while Corey made several batches of cranberry sauce.

"Hey Beetle, can you wash the dishes?"
"Are you kidding??  I have to go run now!"

"You don't get it, I have a lot to do this morning."

"Oh for heaven's sake, you're boiling cranberries!!"

I was unable to beat my last time of some embarrassing number, but in my defense the first two miles were practically all uphill.

I limped back home afterward.  Old age has given me bad knees as an early Christmas present.

Thanks, a lot.

Corey eventually finished he cranberry project, not before making me stick my head in the pot half a dozen times:

"Can you smell this?!"

"Come here and smell this!!"

"This smells so good, come over here!"

It did smell sooo good.  From the other end of the apartment.  But apparently you don't get the full effect unless your nose is literally sucking up jelled cranberries.

We finished all of our baking projects late morning and drove down to my friend Liz's house where my family and hers were meeting.  There is never a dull moment when my family is present:

"These are nice glasses," my mom is talking about Liz's set of curved drinking glasses, "do they spoon when you put them in the cupboard??"

"What does 'spoon' mean?" asks Liz's 10-year-old stepdaughter.

"Uh, well..."

The food was very good, and I must say the stuffing was perfectly mushy.

Corey and I gobbled down a few slices of pie, then headed out for round two just 15 miles away with Corey's family.  Also, never a dull moment
  • 25 people
  • children under the age of 7
  • dogs
  • gingerbread houses
  • football
  • Brussels sprouts
  • and more
By eight o'clock my eyes were drooping and my buttons were struggling to hold on.  We left, and I passed out.  There was no way I would have been able to get up for my dad's and my traditional Black Friday shopping trip.  So I didn't.  We called it off this year, but to be resumed next year.

So here we are.  Recovery day.  To be spent....recovering.

I think I'll start with a bite to eat...

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

It's Almost Here!

Happy Thanksgiving Eve!!

...and happy turkey prepping,

cranberry boiling,

pumpkin squashing (yes, you squash the squash),

grocery shopping,

stretchy-pant searching,

table decorating,

recipe finding,

and "I'm thankful for..." contemplating

because it's all in preparation for the Second Best Holiday Ever*!!!



*Christmas is number one.  Duh.


Tuesday, November 23, 2010

A Morning Encounter

"Hey Corey, I made you two sandwiches.  They're in the fridge."

"Wait, did you use this bread?"

"Uh, yeah."

"It's outdated."

"No it isn't!"

"What's the date on it?"

"The 23rd."

"And what is today?"

"The 23rd."

"Exactly."

This is Where I Talk About Zombies

This is weird, I know, but I'm so hooked on AMC's The Walking Dead.

It is embarrassing as a post-teen to be hooked on a show about zombies.

It's embarrassing as a no-longer-super-nerd to be hooked on a show about zombies.

But I guess it could be worse.  I could have "I Heart Rob Pattinson" tattooed on my forearm.

Sheesh, vampires are sooooo childish.

Anywho, I am going to give you a wrap up of Sunday night's episode just so I can relive it...because I may be more of a nerd than I claim:

Here we are, following a pack of NZ's (non-zombies) that strayed from the main group hidden high on a hill just outside Atlanta to search for a lost member who was actually not-so-lost, just chained to a pipe on the top of a building.

I could go into detail on how he became chained to that particular building but that was two episodes ago and, frankly people, we just don't have the time.

So we see the stray four NZ's reach the top of the building only to find a pair of handcuffs dangling from the pipe.  Empty.  On the ground below: a severed hand.  AAAAHHHHH!!!

It wasn't that scary.  Just gross.

See, the guy is some ubber conservative, racist, mountain man who knows how to survive with a chopped off limb.  Later we see fixin's for stump cauterization.  Very clever Merle.  Oh, his name is Merle, by the way.

Now we see two girls from the main group whose names I forget because I'm bad with names.  They're fishing in the quarry, being all nostalgic about their their dad (which I think is dangerous when, you know, everyone has turned into zombies including, quite possibly, their parents) who taught them about knots and lures and stuff.  They get all sappy and you see how happy they are that, at least, they each other.  So sad that one of them dies at the end.

Oops.

So next we see another guy.  I promise to have names down at some point, should I continue these recaps for my own benefit.  He's digging holes.  Lots and lots of holes.  But he has no idea why.  See, he had some kind of dream, and he needed to dig holes.

Best last line of a TV show: "I remember my dream now."

Corey thinks it's cheesy.  What does he know about drama, anyway?

So now we go back to the city where the stray pack is looking for Merle (why is it his name is the only one I can remember?) and a bag of guns left on the street.  Just as....Glen!  another name, so just as Glen is about to reach the guns, a pack of gang members show up, their own guns drawn and demand them.  A scuffle ensues, someone gets shot in the butt and Glen is taken in taken away in a funky Cadillac.  But, alas!  One of theirs is left behind!

Yikes!  The plot thickens!

The group goes after the gang and has to infiltrate their lair, which turns out to be an old folks home.  The gang leader: the old folks home janitor.  I swear, they made it seem super scary, but in the end they became friends.  Awwww.

This is where the plot twists: Merle is nowhere to be found.  The group heads back to the outskirts of the city where they parked the van they drove in on and now it is nowhere to be found.

It's Merle.  He took it.  And according to his brother who was part of the pack sent out to rescue him, he was heading back to camp with a whole heckuva lot of hate in him.

Oh great, I'm thinking as the camera heads back up to camp, where the others are sitting around a campfire, eating and telling stories.  Here I'm thinking this bad guy is going to come up and start all kinds of chaos, but no.

The girl from before gets up to use the facilities in the RV they managed to acquire.  You see another from the group resting in his tent (I won't get into his wife-beating tendencies that lead to a "you deserved it buddy" from me later on), and then you see a swarm of bloody, snotty, guts-hanging-out zombies who have found their camp and are....hungry.

One of them eats the wife-beater but no one notices.  Then the girl comes out of the RV, laughing about the lack of toilet paper and WHAM! she get's attacked (insert gory details here) and she dies.

Who was expecting that?  No one.  That's why it's called a twist.

So she get's eaten, then another guy gets eaten, and another, while everyone else is trying to beat the zombies or shoot them, or hide from them.  It's chaos.  Blood and guts kind of chaos, but made-for-TV kind of blood and guts.

Now, the whole camp wasn't eaten.  Just half of them.  Eventually the group that left to find Merle comes back and helps beat down the zombies.  Everyone is panicked and crying.  They take an inventory of who is left.

That's when you hear the line:  "I remember my dream now."


Oooooo.
 
But, where the heck is Merle?

Ten on Tuesday

Ohmigoodnessgracious, it's Tuesday again.  Dangit.  Shoulda seen that coming.



1. What are your plans for the holidays? Do you travel at Thanksgiving? If you celebrate Christmas, do you travel then, too?
We will be traveling for both holidays and will manage to see all family members.  Shenanigan free.  Somehow, it works.


2. How do you make the plans for the holiday? If you have a significant other, how do you decide which family to visit?
We have the same plans every year: whoever eats first, that's where we'll be.

3. Do you have your Thanksgiving meal at lunch or later in the day?
Corey and I have two meals every Thanksgiving.  First usually at my parents' house where I stuff myself because I can't help it.  Then at Corey's aunt and uncle's house an hour later where I usually stuff myself because I can't help it.  They are both sometime between 2:00 and 5:00.

4. Do you have a favorite Thanksgiving tradition?
When we lived in California, my family would pack our teeny little 2-bedroom house with all of our friends and family.  I remember once having to crawl under the tables to get to my bedroom.  Then in Indiana the five of us would eat, then fall asleep on the couch to an Indiana Jones movie.

No New York traditions yet.  But I'm really hoping this 2-meal thing becomes one...
5. After a big meal do you lounge around or get up and take a walk?
I lounge hard.  In other words, I sleep.

6. Do you shop on “Black Friday” or do you avoid it?
Oh yes.  You can read an abbreviated account of last year's Black Friday event here.  But in a nutshell, my dad and I camp outside the most ridiculous stores because we really don't understand the concept of, "you wait so you can get the items everyone wants, not fuzzy slippers."  My dad combs through Thanksgiving Day flyers, I go along for the experience...and breakfast.

7. When do you usually finish your Christmas shopping?
Early December.  And I would say I'm on track for this year.  All that's left to get is Kimberlie's iPad. 

Dream on, sista.

8. Do you and your significant other exchange gifts? Is there a budget?
We exchange gifts and it's all kinds of willy nilly.  He handles our finances so any money I spend he can see.  So it always ends up that I get really nice surprise gifts and he gets the things on his list, like white t-shirts.  I'm lobbying for one big gift we go in on, like....a new house.

9. When do you decorate for the holidays?
Friday.  And if Corey wasn't working that day I would drag him to the tree store to get our Christmas tree.  It's my turn to pick it out this year, and I ain't wastin' time on no nine-footers.

10. Do you go “all out” with the decor or do you keep it simple?
I'm a "all out" kind of gal.  Lucky for Corey all we have is a box of lights, some red bulbs and a small red berry wreath (He just can't handle the decorations!  Channeling A Few Good Men there).  But so help me James, I will have a very merry collection of decorations some day and my house will be transformed into the winteriest wonderland you never did see!!  Muahahaha!

Fail.  Evil laughs don't fit in with Christmas talk.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Christmas Preview: China Please

This is going to sound crazy, and weird, and like something you would expect to come from my little fingers:

I want a completely mismatched set of china.

...

Corey just had a face-to-palm moment.

Bonnie asked Gary if I was serious.

My sister Katie rolled her eyes.

Oliver licked his butt.

My mom said, "Ooooo, Fiesta ware!!"

...

Allow me to explain, beyond our four Pottery Barn plates, Corey and I have no china.  In our current situation, were we to entertain guests they would have to settle for our finest Dixie and last years leftover Traver's Day Party cups.

We did try to acquire a nice, fancy set of dishware.  If you know my darling husband at all you know he sought out the best of the best and registered us for every possible piece made.  Then we found out (by "then", I mean just before the wedding) Macy's had none of our set in stock.  Anywhere.  All of the orders were on back order (by "back order" I mean on a list, waiting to be canceled) and we received nothing.

You call it an unfortunate situation.

I call it divine intervention.

Whatever.

So, in other words, we are in need of any set of china.

So, why mismatched?  Because I'm crazy that way.

Crazy smart.

Hey, what happens when you make a major purchase in 1970 and you find out in 2010 orange shag is not the next taupe berber?  You cry and get new carpet.

To save myself from tossing my old, outdated china out the window in 2040 in a fit of rage, why not start with old, outdated china??  Why not pick out a plate I like at an antique store in Provincetown and have a story like how the hubbs got propositioned by a fancy ladd and had to run and find me follow it around at dinner parties held by us, then our children, and our children's children?

PS. that actually did happen in Provincetown, however not while buying antiques.  I like to recycle stories here.

Why not have a set that doesn't match to begin with, leaving us free to replace broken pieces with...whatever we like?  Or why not have a dinnertime decorating scheme of, oh I don't know, every color?!

I mentioned in a Ten on Tuesday post that I would like antique plates for Christmas.  In addition to having our own stories, I want to be able to sit down to a meal with friends, family, llamas, whoever and be able to look at my plate and know a certain someone picked it out specially for us.  A warm fuzzy with every meal in addition to the warm fuzzies (read: Oliver hair) that have been cooked into the meal.

sorry...

So with all that said, not so crazy anymore, eh?




Just wait until I ask for salt and pepper shakers in the shape of barnyard animals...

A List.

This is a Monday list. 

Don't try to make sense of the thing.
  • I went to bed at 7:45pm last night.
  • I have no fewer than seven hair ties in my purse.
  • Thanksgiving is this week, not next as I thought all last week.
  • I am now behind.
  • I am wearing the same outfit I wore to church yesterday.
  • I don't remember if I ate dinner last night.
  • No, wait....I had a Moe's burrito.
  • Saturday I forgot to wash my hair.
  • I hide from my dog in the park.
  • He flips out and I laugh.
  • I want a cat.
  • Corey and I are going to look for houses after Christmas.
  • I'm looking for houses now.
  • Thursday is the Turkey Trot 5k in Saratoga.
  • Last time I ran 3 miles I screwed up my knee.
  • I'm not a runner.
  • My dishwasher is coating some dishes with white gunk all of a sudden.
  • Corey bought me a container of milk yesterday that expires tomorrow.
  • This morning he said "put A LOT of milk in that cereal."
  • I did, but there's still A LOT left.
  • I like making lists.
  • It's easier than writing full sentences.
  • Plus, it lets you see how random my thought process is.
  • And I know you were dying to see the inside of my think-meat.
So, there we are.  A list.  To be followed by something with a little more substance, a little more grass-fed meat and potatoes, if you will.

But until then, Happy Monday!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Time Check

My eyes are slightly less than perfect.

In other words, I can't see you without my glasses.  And even then some things are still blurry.

I've had this problem since 6th grade when I saw my friend Wendy push her glasses up her nose with her finger on the nose piece part and I said, "I want to do that too!"  Voila!  That's all it took.

(Thanks God.  All the things I ask you for and you listen to me on that one?!)

But anyway, I'm used to being nearly blind without them.

That doesn't mean I like it.

...

Often, I wake up in the middle of the night.  Whether it's to pee, because I'm hot, or the dog has pushed me off the bed.  But always, always, always I look at the clock on our cable box thinking I'm going to be able to see what time it is.

Hey Stace, the only way you can see that sucker without your specs is when your face is pushed up against it.  Try again.

But you know how we all are in the middle of the night.  Sleeping usually, or half sleeping when we are kicked awake by a spouse.  So we try super human things.  Like trying to read the time.

This was me last night:

"...what time....is that.... :3:?"

"....11B?"

"...112:0??"

"....ahhhh, forget it!"

Then I fully woke up and laughed at myself for thinking there possibly could be a letter in the time.

Or two colons.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Friday Confessions

1.  My new favorite show is AMC's The Walking Dead.  It is creepy and grody but I just can't walk away from it until I know if what's-her-name and what's-his-name resolve the issue of her, uh, having relations with what's-his-name while they both thought what's-his-name was a zombie.

That would have made a lot more sense if I could remember the characters' names.  Please excuse.

2.  My sisters and I tune into the Sirrus 90's channel whenever we're all in the car together and rock out to Kriss Kross and 98 Degrees.  Our 13-year-old cousin thinks we're crazy.

3.  More on this: Kimberlie and I had a serious discussion on what makes 90's music better than today's.  It all comes down to variety, people.

4.  In the past two weeks I have received no less than 50 emails from people letting me know I am sending out spam emails.
  • Sorry to all my friends and family for linking you to Viagra advertisements.
  • Sorry to the guy I went on one date with but forgot to delete from my contact list; no, I do not want to go out with you.
  • Sorry to the coordinator of the Miss Purdue pageant who I also forgot to delete from my contact list; no I am not available to help plan this years festivities.
  • Sorry to my pastors, both past and present; I am not responsible for any obscene material I may or may not be sending to you.  Keep that in mind when I ask to teach your childrens' church classes.
  • Sorry all of you continue to get these emails; I am currently working on the "wait it out" solution.
5.  "What do you want to do for dinner?"

"How about French bread pizza?"

"Sounds good.  I'll get the Italian bread."

6.  I use my nose to operate my touch screen phone when wearing gloves.  However, I don't always have 100% accuracy.

7.  While at a classy Saratoga establishment, my BFF and I decided it was the best possible time and location to practice mouth farts.

8.  Corey's stocking stuffers last year consisted of a bottle of Advil, toothbrush, socks and antacid.  I've run out of ideas.

9.  His "stocking" was a small box.  I couldn't find the real thing.

10.  My eyes play dirty tricks on me.  While following a semi down the highway I could have sworn the large "You're Needed" sign on the back of it said "You're Nekkid." 

"Is this driver trying to tell me I am emotionally exposed?...."

Thursday, November 18, 2010

My Earrings Survived, Although Shaken

"Hey Beetle, something came in the mail for you today."

"Is it my earrings?!"

"I don't know, here."

(throws small shipping envelope, it goes nowhere because it weighs as much as a folded piece of paper)

"Grrrrr...."

(slides envelope with foot, it floats back to him)

"Son of a...."

(kicks envelope...two feet)

"This is ridiculous...Here!"

(walks over and hands me the envelope)

"Hmmm, Corey do you see what this says?"

"....argyle?"

"Nope.  It says FRAGILE."

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

They Might Not Actually Be Giants

Sunday was football Sunday. 

A football Sunday with friends and family.

A football Sunday full of snacks.

A football Sunday I, for once, didn't grumble because, as I mentioned Monday, I was in the action, 20 rows from the field, cheering on my team with wild abandon.

I've always wanted to describe my actions in this way.  And Lord know I act "with wild abandon" often enough....but that's neither here nor there.

After a mild (lightly put) Corey situation in the morning, I was on my way to Giants' Stadium with Kimberlie, my dad, our friend Wayne, a urinary tract infection, several pounds of deli meats, and cookies.  The essentials.  We only needed one pit stop on our two-and-a-half hour drive to New Jersey for potty break and corn dogs (this is not code...we really did need corn dogs) before arriving in a nearly full parking lot outside the stadium.

"Um, excuse me, could you pull your truck up?  You're taking up two spots."

"No can do.  See, we hafta put this in there and boobity-doo-doo and other such ramblings so we actually need both spots."

Wayne, shouting across three of us, through the window "You're being ruuuuuuude!"

Finally, after driving up and down aisle after aisle we found a spot taken by only a frat-party pole game.  This time Wayne decides to do the askin':

"Hey.  You need to...."

"Oh, yeah, yeah, I'll just move this."

"Uh, thanks."

And there we had our parking space.  Along a fence giving us about five feet beyond the car to spread out with a set of port-a-potties well within range.

"This is great!  Now let's unpack our deli meats!"



"And let's be sure to position ourselves close enough to the guys grilling 2lb burgers so that we can trick our taste buds into thinking our turkey subs with mayo are actually hamburgers."

I think I mentioned the ridicule in my tailgate meal selection on Monday.  It was brutal.

"Thank goodness we have these organic chips!!"



The one thing I didn't screw up:  the cookies.  We snuck them into the stadium under my sister's jacket.  They helped to nurse our wounds as we watched our team's constant defensive failures.

But would ya just look at that stadium...


It is breathtaking.  And awesome.  It feels like you are surrounded with walls made of people, which is a little weird, but cool.  There are four big-as-my-house TV screens that alternate between the game, replays and abrupt motivational sayings: "Get Up, Get Loud."  That's about as to the point as one can be.

My sister loved it...


My dad reeeeally loved it....


And then this happened...


The lights went out.  All of 'em.  And this is what we saw.

This is what we heard:

"OOOOOoooooYEEEeeeeaaaaaWOOOooooooAHHHhhhhh!!!" times eighty-thousand.

Then we saw this:


These are cell phones.  The dummies were trying to take pictures of the pitch black.  Puh-leez.

(I couldn't get mine out in time)

Do you believe me when I saw all the lights went out?  Because it sounds ridiculous, but fo real.  Eventually the emergency lights came on and we were told to stay in our seats and wait for evacuation instructions.  So we waited.  Then more lights came on.  We waited some more.  The refs decided there was enough light to play so they started the game back up.  Then we heard an announcement to stay in our seats and wait for evacuation instructions. 

"Uh, does he not know the lights and the game are back on??"

We eventually did evacuate, though.  A whole lot of us just got up and left when we realized our team stunk.  My group walked back to our car and drove off into the night.

But this time we skipped the corn dogs.