Monday, February 27, 2012

Our Son

"Hey, how's it going?"


"You have rehearsal tonight?"

"Did you eat your pizza yet?"

"No, not yet."

"Ok.  I'm down at Bensons (pet store).  Gotta get our son some treats."

"Our son??"

"Yeah.  Our son.  Oliver.  He's 57 years old."

"Oh Corey..."

Friday, February 24, 2012

Friday Confessions


Sadly, I have just one confession for today:

Over the weekend Corey and I got into a pretty heated argument.  Over what?  Probably something stupid like, "you know I don't like the word 'doodie'!" or "how dare you cut my sandwich into triangles!"

But what better a way to end an argument than to accidentally leave a fork in the microwave before reheating leftovers?!

I won't name names here, but it was the fault of the one who is lovingly referred to as a "dumpster fire" in the kitchen.

(Those who remember stories of flying cookie dough and various food items can probably determine who it was that almost set the house on fire.)

(And if you don't was me.)


Happy Friday friends!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

I've been missing you!

Dear Friends,

I've missed you since I've been out to lunch.  And I don't mean in a turkey-sandwich-on-wheat-hold-the-mayo-in-between-phone-calls-because-the-crazy-doesn't-stop kind of way.

No I mean I've been running on auto-pilot for this entire month and I miss picturing your smiling face while you eat a buffalo chicken wrap just before you open up Corey & Stacie.

A typical day for Corey 'n me starts with a nice walk with the dog, some breakfast, a little work in the office, dinner at home, felting for me, a ball game for him and then Matlock for dessert.  Nice.  Easy.

But recently my day looks like this:
  • walk dog
  • pack bag of running clothes
  • pack bag of wool and jewelry supplies
  • pack bag of breakfast, lunch and dinner
  • run out of house without brushing teeth
  • work
  • lunch
  • work
  • think about blogging
  • get interrupted by homeless people
  • 5pm!
  • time to go home!
  • no it's not
  • run
  • (paper) towel off in office bathroom
  • sit in office: watch TV on Internet
  • sit in office: felt
  • sit in office: eat dinner
  • 7pm, now it's time to go home
  • nope
  • rehearsal for murder mystery
  • pretend to smoke Virginia Slims
  • murder someone (or do I??)
  • 10pm
  • home
  • Matlock
  • pie
  • 11pm, pass out with glasses on
Insert various meetings in "sit in office" time and that's pretty much what I can expect four days a week.  The other three days are filled with laundry, sleep and sitting without moving.

After so many weeks of this my brain gets tired.  It forgets things or refuses to function altogether.

Ok, so not entirely altogether.  I am technically still alive.  But my brain has missed a few crucial things.  Like blogging.  And zipping up my snow pants before heading out this morning.

14 degree draft = crucial.

So, in closing I hope you will take the following as a most heartfelt apology for my abscess:

"Corey, I hate the smell of your hair gel"

"What does it smell like??"

"Like sweet spit; it grosses me out."

"You do realize there isn't any spit in it, right?"


Your BFF,

Friday, February 17, 2012

Friday Confessions


1.  In my spare time I like to browse the hairs on my head for little grays. 

And split ends.

And bugs.

Weird, right?  Ever since fifth grade I've had a very irrational fear of developing lice thanks to the teachers who put the Fear of God into us kids by threatening to take away the field trip of the year if any of us tried to bring our little "friends" along for the ride.

2.  That was before education reform.  I'm sure.

3.  I never did learn how not to use run-on sentences.

4.  But in my defense, I talk in run-on sentences.

That doesn't make it right.

5.  On Tuesday during our Valentine's Day dinner I drank a delicious glass of sparkling wine.  It's what I would call a one way ticket to Fartsville.

6.  I have to mention farts every now and then for my future reading pleasure.  Next year at this time I'll wonder what was on my mind waaaaaay back in 2012.  And when I stumble on this episode of Friday Confessions I will be pleasantly surprised.

7.  A note to Stacie of 2013 and beyond: remember how you wore those black leggings from Marshall's, like, a dozen time before you realized you can totally see through them??

Yeah, that was hilarious.

8.  Also during dinner on Tuesday the older couple next to us was discussing The Bachelor.  Had I not been consumed with shoving shrimp and bread down my throat I would have jumped in.

It was really good bread...

9.  My glasses are always dirty.

10.  I still have my 2011 calendar up.  And for just a moment, every time I glance up to see what the date is I really think it's Tuesday, January 31st.

But that is actually better than my other option: twelve months of hunky shirtless jockeys, which isn't exactly appropriate for, um, my office.


Happy Friday!!  I hope your weekend is full of sunshine, ponies and rainbows.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Bring on the chocolate, planet earth.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Enjoy your roses, chocolate, glass of wine, bottle of wine, fancy dinner, romantic movie, smooches, microwavable TV dinner, good book, or whatever your day has in store!

Unless you plan to spend Valentine's Day cutting your ex-boyfriend's head out of all of your pictures or stalking "the one that got away."  In that case, buy yourself some chocolate and let's all hope the day goes by quickly.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Friday Confessions


1.  My office chair made a "farty" noise on Tuesday.  I tried to recreate it so my co-workers would know it didn't come from me.

2.  I spent several minutes in a heated debate last Saturday on whether or not I was caught eating my boogers that one time when I was ten.

3.  For the record: I stopped eating boogies when I was three.

4.  My sister, Kimberlie, doesn't understand Groundhog's Day:

Kim: "So what does he see?"

Me:  "His shadow."

Kim:  "How do we know if he sees it??"

Jay with obvious sarcasm:  "He tells someone."

Kim:  "But what if the sun isn't out?"

Jay, more thick sarcasm:  "They bring out a lamp."

Kim:  "Wouldn't that give a false reading?"

5.  I had to get blood drawn and a tetanus shot at my check up on Monday.  Corey almost had to come to the appointment with me for this reason alone.  I'm what you might call a big wuss.

6.  But for realz, tetanus shots suck.  My left arm hurt for days.

Don't cry for me Argentina.

7.  I may or may not have found out who wins at the end of the Bachelor.  I am both kicking myself for spoiling the ending and relieved to now have two free hours on Mondays because there's no way I'm watching the rest of that train wreck.

8.  I won't ruin it for you.  Even though misery loves company.

9.  But I will rub something in your face right now: wanna know what my husband planned for us for Valentine's Day weekend?

An entire weekend away at the cozy Mirror Lake Inn in Lake Placid.

And I didn't even have to bug him.

This is where I'll come down for 3 o'clock tea and cookies.  Maybe I'll read by the fire for a spell.

Fancy a skate?  Why yes!  Indeed!

Mmmmm, I'll have what she's having.

10.  I apologize for that display of displaying.  I simply could not contain myself.


Peace out!

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Ten on Tuesday

1. How do you feel about Groundhog’s Day?
I forget about it.  Every.  Single.  Year.   And then when I am reminded I worry about that poor little groundhog who is probably just wondering why he isn't hibernating with his cousins.

2. What color are your fingernails right now? (Bonus points if you include a picture.)
Brown.  And chipped thanks to some last minute pre-Super Bowl cleaning.

3. Do you like riddles?
No.  I hate riddles, hate, hate, hate.  They make me feel dumb because I don't have any patience to solve them.

4. When you were 10, how old did you think “old” was? At your current age, how old do you think “old” is?
When I was 10 my ballet teacher was 16.  In real time it seemed like she was 30 and practically dead.  But now that I see my parents in their 50s and active, my boss is in her 70s and very active, and myself nearly 30 and nowhere near death's door, I'd have to say 80's are old.

5. Do you wish on stars?
No.  I don't wish much.  It seems like time that could be better spent shoving chocolate cake in my mouth.

6. Do you recycle?
Sigh, no.  Although I dream of a day when I can have a multitude of recycling bins; including a runoff water collector and compost heap.  Oh to be green.....

7. On a scale from 1-10, how good of a cook are you?
If you ask me, I'd say I'm a fantastic cook; I love what I make!  If you ask Corey, who literally spit out my last quinoa concoction, he might have a different opinion.

8. Do you color your hair? Professionally or at home?
When I do get highlights I go to a friend of mine.  I don't get to sit in a fancy swirly chair but I do save a ton of money!

9. One a scale from 1-10, how do you rate your manners?
At home; negative 5.  In public 10.  Unless someone in my party burps out loud first, then that seal is broken and it's fair game.

10. Who are the last 5 people you have texted?
Corey, my sister Kimberlie, mom-in-law, and the girl who sells my jewelry.


Good times.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Have yourself a swaptastic day!


Well color me extremely excited today.

And not just because today starts the Crandall Library Book Sale where I found myself five books for only $7.

Girlfriend loves herself a deal.

But no!  Today this girl is playing the swap game with Mamarazzi and her friends!

What this means:
  • starting today I get to collect gobs and gobs of my favorite things which may or may not include enormous amounts of chocolate.
  • starting today my swap partner gets to collect gobs and gobs of her favorite things.
  • in March we switch.
  • then we open our packages and giggle and squeal like it's Christmas.
This is my first swap; I'm all aflutter with joy and anticipation!  So check back in March when I can tell you what my favorite things are...and then I can reveal what my swap buddy gave me!

And then you'll be like, "OMGosh what have I been missing out on all these years?" and you'll visit Mamarazzi herself and you'll laugh at her antics and you'll want to snuggle her adorable dog and sooner than you think you'll come across a swapportunity where you can give/receive oodles of pretty little things and the world will be a better place.

Story of my life, people.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Elements of a drug deal

Lesson learned: some details need a liiiiitle more elaboration when telling a story through bullet points.

Like when one mentions possibly busting up a drug deal in a recent excursion to a certain state capital.

Were the cops involved?

Was your life in danger?

Did someone bust a cap?

It's a natural tendency to think of the worst possible scenario when given limited information.

(guilty, oh so guilty)

(i blame it on my vivid imagination)

(we're getting off topic here)

(by we i mean me)

(sorry to drag you in there)

So to set the record straight, I may have exaggerated my bullet point.

But I may not have either!

You tell me: there I was driving all around the dark streets of Albany trying to find parking space on a Saturday night of all nights.  I stop at a light and see what I think are several spots along a side street.  But as I'm waiting I see two suspicious characters walk across the street to one of the parked cars and get in.  They just sit there.  I pull in in front of the car and see a person get out of the car behind me and go into the car in front of me and just sit there.


And then a really nice SUV pulls up next to me and stares at me.

Was he trying to see if I was one of his regulars?

Was he trying to see if I was a cop??

That's when I grabbed everything of any value, ran toward the restaurant, and prayed my car would still be there with all four of its tires when I came back.

So, what would you call that?

Being not so familiar with drug deals I just assumed that's what that was.

I guess it could have been a meeting with a hit man, or maybe just two parents getting together under the cover of darkness to discuss the terms of their custody arrangement.

We'll never know.

And that is where my story ends.  I came back out later and my car was there, my tires were there and no one was hiding in the back seat waiting to ambush me for bein' a snitch.

So, thoughts?



Recommendations to get my brain examined?

I welcome your comments. 

The nice ones.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

The early years

Hello friends.  Happy Wednesday! 

Or, if you're like me, Happy Tuesday and Happy Thursday!

My, um, calendar ran out on me yesterday and I'm completely lost without it.

So to celebrate Wednesday, and February, and the fact that it's waaaay too stinkin' warm for winter I'm going to post somethin'.

Lucky you!

I found a few pictures at my parents' house recently:

These two crazy kids fully embracing the styles of the late 70s are my parents.   Young, and in love, and fully unaware that within 10 years they will have three very loud, yet amazingly well-behaved children.

I love old pictures.

I love my parents.

I love my dad's face in the top right picture.

That's what he does.

He also mistakenly pronounces "exacerbate" in a very embarrassing way.

My parents worked at a boy's academy when I was young as house parents in a barracks full of seventh graders. 

Handsome couple.

Needless to say, I was the center of attention.

Oh the memories.

Eventually these two adorable yahoos came along.

I love old pictures.

...and reminiscing.

...and bowl cuts.

...and mama's old aprons.

...and my family.