Thursday, September 30, 2010

A Brief Death Scare

First let me say Corey and I are alive.  In fact, that's one of the first things he said this morning.

"Hey...we're alive!"


We have three smoke detectors in our loft apartment.  Two in areas of normal ceiling height that can be reached by standing on a chair, and the other just about 18' from the ground that can be reached by climbing from the bed to my jewelry stand and reaching up with a 5' pole.

Which one do you think went off yesterday?

I called Corey on my way home:


I came home to find no smoke, no smells, and no alarm.  Corey had scaled our bedroom furniture and whacked the thing with a pole, shutting off the alarm.  But what could have triggered it in the first place??

Carbon Monoxide.  Had to be it.

Corey called our landlord.  He didn't answer.

So then he called his mom.  She didn't think there was anything to worry about, but we didn't get the definitive answer we were looking for, so we opened all the windows and forgot about it.

In the meantime Corey decided to take a leftover antibiotic from a sinus infection to treat an in-grown hair in his nose (a story for another time, folks) and lay down to watch the Yankee game.  A short time later he comes out of the bedroom to report wooziness.

A sure sign of CO poisoning.

But also possibly a sign of taking random medications for an in-grown hair.

So I call my dad.  He's not a medical doctor but he does talk to them occasionally.

Again, no definitive answer.

"Try pushing the button again and see if it chirps."

"Do you know how hard it was to press it in the first place?!"

We were desperate to stay alive so Corey, again, scales our bedroom furniture, pole in hand, to test the alarm.

He presses the button.  It doesn't chirp.

He presses it again.  No chirp, no red light.

Great.  So one of two things occurred: 1) the alarm sounded to let us know it was dying, or 2) the alarm sounded to let us know it was dying from Carbon Monoxide poisoning.

We convinced ourselves the alarm just outside our bedroom would have alerted us and the dizziness and headache were purely psychosomatic, then went to sleep.  Not really sure if we would wake up in the morning, but too tired to blow up the air mattress in a less "affected" room, we said our good-nights.

Needless to say, because I am obviously writing this after the fact and because I told you at the beginning, we made it.  There was no Carbon Monoxide in our apartment.  Just one dead smoke alarm.

And they all lived happily ever after.

The End.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Not Ten on Tuesday

I'm taking a break from Ten on Tuesday today because:
  1. I was required to think about how others see me and a wave of self-doubt and insecurity washed over me.  I was mentally and emotionally paralyzed.  But I exaggerate.
  2. I had a lot of junk to do at work today.  Like make little signs for my boss's birthday party that say "zero points" so that she'll eat her birthday cake.
  3. You just had a list of "me" yesterday.  I can't over-list you and expect you to return to my blog.
Well, looky there.  I just hit you with another list.  Sorry.

As I still have more junk to do, I'll leave you not with another list, but the card Corey's parents sent us for our anniversary.

Funniest.  Card.  Ever.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Monday Confessions: Balloon Festival Edition

To put it briefly, I just spent the past two days waking up at 2:30am to be at the airport hangar by 3:30am to serve breakfast to several thousand people coming to watch about 50 hot air balloons fill up and lift off.  It was a fundraiser for our local soup kitchen and my dad and I were in charge of organizing about 200 volunteers.

Needless to say, I.  Am.  Beat.

1.  Me, my clothes, my car, my hair reeks of maple syrup and grease.

2.  It took seven attempts to spell "grease" correctly.

3. I have approximately 20 bottles of ketchup in my car.  Just hangin' out.  They will probably be there until Christmas.

4.  When I pulled into my parking spot at my apartment Saturday afternoon I sat in my car for no less than 5 minutes.  I could not move.  I used up the final burst of energy trying to stay awake while driving.


We started serving breakfast at 5am.  Which meant everything had to be cooked and ready to go before then: the eggs, French toast, pancakes, sausage, coffee, hot chocolate, OJ, and in large quantities.

Pancake batter had to be "stirred" with a whisk attached to a drill.  OJ was prepared in a bucket.  Eggs were thrown onto an industrial sized griddle two quart cartons at a time. 

Only a handful of volunteers were seasoned Balloon Breakfasters (my father and I not included), yet we still managed to make it in time.

My job was to walk around with a clipboard, hand out meal vouchers, and try not to look like a deer in headlights when volunteers asked me questions.

I had no idea what was going on.


5.  I signed up two Colleens.  If you've followed Friday Confessions (see #4) in the past, you would know why I used a lot of "hey yous".  I will screen volunteer lists in the future.

6.  Today I wore a simple pink, long-sleeved shirt to work.  I will, most likely, also wear it to bed.

7.  At clean-up I told a girl to "put ketchup from that bottle in this bottle so we can fill up one bottle and empty the other bottle and take more from that bottle in another bottle that is half full..."  She said, "You mean, combine them?"

Uh, yes.

8.  The food, although prepared quickly and not always using the cleanest preparation methods was de-lish.  I'd eat it even if I had to pay for it.


Because of gusty winds Saturday the balloons couldn't take off, but Sunday they all went up.

And it.  Was.  Awesome.

9.  After everything was torn down and loaded into trucks, vans and trailers, my dad, Kimberlie and I went to Applebee's for lunch and a little dessert.  Kimberlie said she would give me $1 if I licked the ice cream off the plate.  I did, but when I asked for my dollar she said I still owed her for the time Katie and I dared her to touch what we thought was poop at the bottom of the pool.  (When she came back up and said it was a hair tie we refused to give her the money.)

10.  My dad then bet her $5 if she would do it.  When she did he pushed the back of her head, getting ice cream all over her face.



It was a great weekend, but I'm glad it's over.

On to the next project!

Friday, September 24, 2010

Friday Goodies

Friday Confessions for this week has turned into Monday Confessions as I have been too busy to commit acts for which I feel the need to confess.  And as my weekend will consist of waking before the crack of dawn to serve thousands of cold and hungry hot air balloon enthusiasts, I'm sure I will more than make up for my lack of post today.

With that said, I will leave you with my morning treasures:

I'm one of those weirdos you see tip-toeing through the park picking up little acorn hats and stuffing them in their pockets.  I come home with handfuls of the suckers and usually another handful of just dirt.

But bein' weird pays off.  I turned them into my little wooly acorns which sold within minutes of being listed on etsy today.

So Booyah!

Who still says that?

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Squirrely Fantasy

Meet Squiggly.

The office squirrel.

She comes to say hi a few times a day.  She'll perch herself on the ledges of our windows and watch us for a few minutes as if she is genuinely interested in the daily opperations of our office.

But really, she just wants food.

And my co-worker, Sharon, obliges. 

Which is probably why we now see Squiggly's bolder, yet-to-be-named friend.

Who may or may not find her way into the office some day.

In the very near future.

But I don't mind.  I've wanted my own little pet squirrel for as long as I can remember.

I would name her Roxanne, but call her Roxy.  Because then I would have an excuse to sing two of my favorite sing-along songs.

I love to make noise, in general.

But not loud noises.


Just look at those a-dor-able rodent eyes.  And don't even get me started on animals with opposible thumbs.

I guess if someone were to, perhaps, let Squiggs and her friend in, by complete accident of course, I just might have to, out of the goodness of my heart, let them curl up in my snack drawer to nap in between cuddle sessions.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Warm Slice of Humble Pie

What could this bendy-loop-di-loop on a bed of last year's Christmas tree droppings possibly be?


A muffler.

From this prized, 1995 GMC Rust Mobile.

She now purrs like a 'Vette.

And shakes like me on Starbucks.

Just ask her proud owner.

My poor dad.

This van has taken my family across the country more than half a dozen times.  We have a lot of great memories from those trips.  But now that the seats are ripped, the cup holders are crusted over with coffee and melted candy, the windows don't roll up or down, you can stick a few fingers through the rust-eaten hole in the gas tank door (not to mention the rust that is consuming the entire van from the bottom up) and the muffler is sitting in the back seat, it might be time to trade the sucker in.

But I'm not holding my breath.

There's my grandpa's mint condition 1987 Cadillac sitting in the driveway just waiting to be put back on the road.  So what if the heat doesn't work and this part of New York sees temps in the negatives for most of February.  It's a classic, people.  And it's my dad's back up car when his van gets a little finicky.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Ten on Tuesday

Oops, forgot today is Tuesday.  This is what happens when you give yourself four whole days of fun, family bonding time.

1. What’s the one thing you always do when you’re stressed?
Pick at my lip and get grouchy.

2. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever done for a friend?
I'm usually the one with weird requests, but I am considering driving 5 1/2 hours to attend a dog's 10th birthday party.

Who does that?

3. What cleaning supply could you not live without?
Vacuum.  I know I can't live without it because ours dies frequently.  This is not acceptable, we live with a monster shedder.   I cry thinking about all the hair clumps I am forced to ingest.

4. How long do you plan on living where you currently reside?
Four years, or 10 years, or 25 years.  I have moved all my life, so the thought of settling is unsettling.  But then again I love Saratoga, but then again I might love another part of the country, but then again our families are here...

I am indecisive.

5. Do you usually vote straight party, a mixture, or not at all?
I'm a registered republican, but I don't always vote party lines.  Especially in situations where the republican candidate is a complete goofball and a certain boss of mine should have gotten the nomination instead.  But I digress.

6. What’s something that you love to do, but seem to never make time for?
Hike.  Love, love, love walkin' up those mountains.  Unfortunately, it's tricky coordinating schedules with hiking buddies and a certain husband who shall remain nameless is no longer invited to participate in any outdoor activities.

7. What’s your favorite store to buy things for other people?
Stacie's Random Stuff Room.  It's a quaint little shop I know of.  Pretty close to home.  The owner is friendly, the price is right and I can find anything from acorn tops to pink duct tape to used wine corks found lying in the street.

8. What’s the weather like around you today?
Sunny and time for knee-high pantyhose.  Ladies, you know what this means.

9. What’s the worst book you’ve ever bought and read?
He's Just Not That Into You.  It might have been funnier if I hadn't just been dumped.  Thanks Karen for the grrrrreat recommendation.

10. What’s the closest thing to you that is yellow?
Post-It.  Several Post-Its.  And a highlighter.  They're all kind of hanging out together.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Friday Confessions

1. I love having the hiccups. They're like funny little practical jokes from my body.

2. Corey and I went to visit his grandmother, Louise, for her 97th birthday on Sunday when we both still had our colds.  When she walked in the door she eyed me with her good eye:

"Who is that?"

"It's Stacie, Louise."

"You Stay Away From Me!"

And then she whacked Corey with her cane.

3. I am afraid to cough in front of others because I sometimes chicken out and force out a fake cough that sounds like AHHRUUUN. This happened to me once in one of my college classes and I've been psyched out ever since.

4. Corey put together a massive brownie sundae for me with a chocolate cookie instead of a cherry on top. I gave my typical, "Ohmigosh this is too much!! I simply cannot eat it all!" and then ate the entire thing. This was after he served dinner of a similar size. Which I also consumed entirely.

5. Because you're probably now wondering, when we don't have a dinner planned Corey likes to whip up things for me. I rarely force him to.

6. My mom turns 50 on Wednesday and to surprise her my sisters, dad, and I flew in her sisters and her dad from all over the country. When this posts, she will be just finding out.

7. I love being all sneaky.

8. Since I've been under the weather I've been neglecting my morning dog walking duties. So when Corey's alarm goes off at 6am poor Oliver gets up, stares at me for a minute or two, then when I show no sign of getting out of bed he curls up in a ball and lets out a long dramatic sigh of disappointment.

9. When I run I sing the apples and bananas song to pass the time:

I like to eat, eat, eat apples and bananas...

10. But I don't run anymore...

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Do as Mommy Says...

My mom, the lady who raised us to love Jesus, taught us how to mind our manners, never let us say horrible, nasty words like "crap", "shut up" or "stupid", and never, ever passed gas just because it was funny, got herself a big 'ol tattoo on her back.

And she calls it her "tat" like the bikers do.

"I said I would do it before I turned 50 and I did!"

Congrats, ma.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Fun in the Morning

Corey: "Hey, I have a great idea.  I am going to dump a cup of cold water on Stacie while she is in the shower!  Maybe that will make her cold go away!"

Stacie: "Dang, I feel like death.  Especially now that I have been shocked with a cup full of freezing water.  I am going to get whoever did this."

Shower Curtain: "I do not appreciate being thrown open violently, so I am going to come crashing down.  Then I'm going to pout and not let them put me back up on the wall causing the soapy one to stand and freeze while the mad one balls me up and tries to throw me away before being told I'm still needed to finish showering.  Hehehe, oh how I will enjoy watching the clean one hold me up for the duration of the other's washing process!"

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I Call Him Rusty

I don't live far from my parents' house.  And my office is even closer, so I stop by often on my way home to say hi, let the dogs out to pee, check the mail...

...throw boxes of junk in the massive dumpster taking up a third of their driveway, you know, normal stuff like that.

No, dumpsters are not normal.

This is what I pulled up to one of my more recent trips.  A giant, rusty, trash lovin', steel box.

Did I mention there was a great deal of rust involved?


It was junk-clearing time, and we had plen-ty to dispose of.  The garage was full, the attic was full, the basement was full and my sisters and I were keeping watch daily for the TLC Hoarders crew to pull up into the driveway.

But I exaggerate.  My parents aren't that bad.  We all just don't like making the decision to let go of things we have attachments to. 

Um...what is the definition of "hoarding" again?

Could it possibly be crying at the sight of my first Cabbage Patch dolls, covered in dirt and buck naked, in a box waiting to be dumped?  Or clutching my pound puppies for dear life?

Or maybe taking 20 pounds of fabric scraps back to my apartment for projects yet to be named?

But this is not about me.

It's about this huge, nasty trash can that was unwelcome by some members of the family.

And then welcomed when it was discovered that previous renters had left some gooey cardboard sticking out of a giant rusty crack that was absolutely delicious.  Lucky I was there to save them from Hepatitis.

Ten on Tuesday

In a perfect world I would do work at work, personal stuff at home, crawl into bed peacefully at 10pm and dream of a much younger and sober David Hasselhoff.  But alas, this is not a perfect world.  I have too much of everything to do during the day and crash on the couch at 7pm, unable to even glance at a computer to tell you even an ounce of what is going on in Corey & Stacie-land.  Then I crawl into bed, exhausted, at 10pm and drool, snore, toss, turn, wrestle with covers, fight dry mouth, and dream of creepy crawlies, only to wake up tired, grouchy, and still sick.

On that note, let's jump back into our Tuesday routine, shall we?!

1. Favorite way to travel (plane, train, automobile, etc.)

Anything but plane.  I would rather ride an elephant bare-back than step foot on a plane.  I would rather walk on my hands with luggage balanced on my feet than step foot (or hand, I guess) on a plane.  I would rather eat gum from the bottom of a 3rd grader's desk than step foot on a plane.

I don't like planes is what I'm trying to get across here.

2. Where’s your favorite place to travel to that you’ve been to?
Here's a shocker: Italy!

3. Where’s the place that you want to go but have never been?
New Zealand.  I hear they have hobbits.

4. Do you deal with traffic well?
No.  Way.  I am what some people would call impatient.  Others would call me very impatient.  And still others would say I'm the Road Rage Queen.

But I exaggerate.

5. Ever had an emergency while traveling?
Emergency like leaving the car keys in a hotel room in Vegas as we fly home to New York causing us to be stranded over night at a Marriott in Newark while waiting for Enterprise to open so we could rent a car, drive three hours up to Saratoga to retrieve a spare set of keys, drive back to the airport to pick up the car and drive back home to Saratoga?

Nah.  Nothing like that has ever happened to us.

6. Do you have a passport? What countries have you been to?
I have an expired passport with Mexico, France, and Italy stamps.  Maybe one day (fingers crossed!)I'll have a Canada stamp!

7. Are you light packer or do you pack everything but the kitchen sink?
I don't appreciate what this question is implying.  Folks, is it bad to pack contingency outfits??  I think not!

Let's say weather conditions are ideal for the trip you are going on.  Congratulations, you just hit the jackpot because weather conditions are hardly ever ideal.  Thus the need for several outfits depending on possible weather outcomes.  I call this planning ahead.

8. Do you take the fastest route or the road less traveled?
See answer to #4.

9. Do you do any activities on the road? (like road games, reading, sleeping, etc. )
I do activities that don't make me car sick, like sleeping, looking straight ahead, and not having conversations with others in the car.

10. Use a paper map or GPS?
Neither.  I make sure someone else knows where they are going.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Friday Confessions

1.  I have a shy bladder because I hate it when people can hear me tinkle.  So who happens to surprise me as I come out of the bathroom door after I finish my business?  The same Congressman from this post who witnessed me digging for gold in my blouse.

2.  The same congressman who didn't want to hire me last year.

3.  While I was out sick yesterday I had to do some light grocery shopping (sloppy joe mix, hamburger buns, you know, the necessities) and was told upon returning I had gotten the wrong cheese and ground beef.  Truth is, I just wasn't listening when Corey was telling me what to get.

4.  I can't think through the fog of a cold.  So-rry.

5.  My toes look like fingers.  They're long and skinny and I can pick stuff up with them.  If I was more flexible I bet I could put lipstick on with them.

6.  A friend of mine (hi Brendan!) asked why bloggers share so much personal information:  I feel the world should know about my finger-toes, and my shy bladder and the one little hair that grows on the second digit of my ring fingers.

7.  If the world didn't want to know, the world would not continue to read.

8.  By "the world" I really mean my mom.

9.  I've been popping bananas like they're Skittles the past few days.  There's this 5k I want to run tomorrow....

10.  You know what they say:  A banana a day gives you lots of potassium that enters your blood stream through your pancreas and then attaches to your platelets to take it to your white blood cells where it attaches like a shield so your white blood cells can go all ninja on germs and viruses and stuff.

But I digress.

And I have no idea what I'm talking about.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Sick Day

I jinxed myself.  Dangit.

"I catch colds often, but rarely do I get the cough or stuffy nose that usually come with it."

I now have the stuffy nose and all of the achy fun stuff that comes with being sick.

The best part is that Corey is still sick too.  So here we are.  Together.

"Can you help me with this?"

"But I'm sick!"

"Well I'm sick too!"


And when we are sick, we are cranky:

"Can you please stop blinking like that??"

"Only if you stop breathing out of your nose!"

"Well I have to breath through my nose so I don't feel like I am ingesting your rotten trash breath!!"

But I lie.  We didn't actually have that conversation.  Although, Corey does have pretty nasty sick breath that I can smell even through the gunk hanging out in my sinus cavities, and if he washes one more dish in the sink I just might throw something at him.

Otherwise, we're just two sickies hanging out at home, wondering who is going to make lunch and take the dog out to pee.

Tomorrow will be better.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

A Little More of Nuthin'

You know you have a busy weekend ahead of you when you have to plan to make your plan.

We had several breakfast dates, a coffee date, a lunch date, projects to attend to, junk to sort, stuff to wash, fold, and put away, and so on.

Not part of the plan, but managed to sneak in anyway: catch a cold.

Not part of the plan, but I wish I had planned: nap times.

I catch colds often, but rarely do I get the cough or stuffy nose that usually come with it.  Nope, my cold stays right in my head, swarming all around my think meat causing me to spit out boring blog posts and stare at stuff.

It also makes me use the word "stuff" more than Mr. Kirkpatrick would approve of.  Oops, there I go ending a sentence with a preposition again.

Mr. K. was my English teacher in high school.  If you are a regular follower of mine you may remember me writing about him dying and me being paranoid to make grammatical errors for fear of natural disasters and plagues of locusts reigning down against me.


And if you're not a regular follower, shame on you.

But I digress.

Digressing hurts, so I'm going to go lie down.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

This Was Supposed To Be My Vacation Month...

Let's cut right to the chase: I just don't have time for you.

Wow, Stace.  A little harsh.

Let me rephrase that: I just don't have time for you.

Jeez, I guess that's about as sugar-coated as I get, but not because I enjoy taking your sense of self-worth and eating it for breakfast.  I, very simply, do not have time to explain the millions of things going on that are keeping my physically, emotionally, mentally, cryogenically, ecumenically, badaboopilly occupied.

For instance, just today I have to contact the newspaper about advertising our take-it-or-we-dump-it garage sale, create and mail invitations for my mom's surprise party that she knows about, create invitations for my boss's fundraiser, recruit about a billion volunteers for an event in three weeks, figure out how to display my silent auction necklace, sort through a few hundred boxes from my childhood, and try to squeeze in work for which I am actually paid.

Don't even get me started on tomorrow.

Oh Lord, chest pains.

Is it normal to not feel my left arm?


I'll see you all on the flip side.  Which may mean early November, but most likely tomorrow.

...feels like I'm missin' something.

"Hey, what happened to the other half of that sandwich I was saving for dinner??"

Musta been hungrier than I though...

Friday, September 3, 2010

Friday Confessions

1.  Corey and I went to a fancy dinner on Saturday and sat with a mixture of people we did and didn't know.  At the end of the night, we got up to leave and say our good-byes.  Because there were both people I knew and didn't know I ended up telling several of them "It was nice to seat you."

2.  I do not like my bare feet touching any floor.  But when it is absolutely necessary I cup my feet so that I'm only standing/walking on the back of my heel and the tip of my big toe.  I also scrunch up my face as I do this.
3. Panel vans scare me.  I think the driver of each one is eyeing me to see how much skin I have to contribute to his creepy people-dress.  Thank goodness I have the body of a prepubescent boy.

4.  I have a monster of a pimple, so I coated it with pimple cream before I went to bed.  It dried.  I forgot about it.  Then I woke up and walked my dog around town with a big white blob on my face.

5.  And I still walk around with my fly down regularly.

6.  I have a pretty serious addiction to wheat bagels with maple walnut cream cheese.  It was quite by accident that I discovered this combination, but now that I have I can't function without it two times a week.

7.  Oh, and I pronounce bagel as bah-gel.  Like Brita on Community.  I think it's funny.

8.  My dad and I are supposed to recruit 100 volunteers for an event in three weeks.  Panic does not describe what I feel.  Chest pains is more accurate.

9.  I feel obligated to eat food that is going to be wasted.  Even if that means eating food from other people's plates.

10.  I sat at a rowing machine next to a guy on a bike machine at the YMCA.  He was literally sitting in a pool of sweat with more sweat surrounding his bike and even more sweat dripping off of him like he was a leaky faucet.  I...I....I have no words.

On that note: Happy Labor Day weekend!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Dazed and Always Confused

I am tired today.  Too much Matlock, too little sleepy.

So, it is very unlikely you will get a post today that makes sense.

But what you will get is some kind of rambling resembling what I gave Corey last night after he came in the bedroom to go to sleep.  I was already asleep and stirred by the door opening, the dog moving, or the neighbors doing the deed, again...I can't remember which one.  I may or may not have said something mean about being woken up or I could have just laughed my creepy nighttime laugh before falling back asleep.

The damage, however, was done.  My REM cycle was interrupted.  I hate it when I don't get enough REM zzzz's because then I'm a zombie.

Do you know how hard it is to drive as a zombie?

Don't tell my mom, but I literally do not remember getting from one point to another.

Um, don't tell local law enforcement either, please.

Duh, Stace.  Throw a cup o' coffee in your belly.

Coffee usually does one of three things for me:
  1. nothing
  2. gives me a headache
  3. makes me a super jittery spazoid
None of which will help me in a no-lights-in-the-attic situation.

That reminds me, only four weeks until the World's Largest Garage Sale!!

Why in all of Persia would coffee remind you of a stinkin' garage sale??

That's the World's Largest Garage Sale, thanksomuch.

Well, I spaced out for a sec and found myself gazing at my calendar, and my calendar is the kind where you have three months showing, one month stacked right on top of the other and you can just tear off a sheet at the end of each month, actually you tear three sheets because there are three months showing, like I said, so here I was looking at this calendar and I realized I tore off a July sheet and an August sheet but not a September, that left me with August, September and September showing, and I so I ripped off the second September to show October and that is when I realized October is almost here, relatively speaking, er, typing, and in October is the best garage sale in the entire world.

Glad you asked?

I feel zombie-time coming again. 

Peace out.