Courtesy of C.W. Lucas

Note: below is an email I was copied on.  Just look at what my life has become...every word of the following makes complete sense.  At least it's not a life of calf-castration.  (That's a PW reference.  Sorry, I'm obsessed.)  Carry on.

2010 Kentucky Derby

Corey’s Selections and Analysis

This year’s edition of the Derby is very captivating; there’s a ton of speed, a few deep closers, a filly, and then of course a couple that don’t seem to belong, but then again, who thought that Mine That Bird or Giacomo would win? Not very many, yet they both went off a tad higher than 50‐1 and walked away with the roses.

Lookin At Lucky (3‐1) is a serious contender, he can rate, sit just off the lead, close from far back, and seems to do whatever he is asked; the problem is: he’s breaking from the #1 post…can’t use him on top.

Sidney’s Candy (5‐1) has speed, yet he’s out in the 20 path; yes, I know, Big Brown was too, but he didn’t need the lead, Sidney looks like he might, and with all the other speed…gotta pass.

Dublin (12‐1) has the pedigree to win this and will be running late; he has run 3 solid beyers this year(97,93,96) Lukas put a couple nice works into him, and I think he’s sitting on a big effort. He certainly has the stamina; he’s out of Afleet Alex, who won 2/3 of the Triple Crown himself. The dam, Classy Mirage, provides speed and a lot of class underneath. Now, why is Terry Thompson up?? If he can hang on, Dublin might just win this at a price.

Jackson Bend (15‐1) who we have not heard a whole lot about will be on my tickets. He has never run worse than 2nd in 9 starts…running 2nd to Eskendereya twice. Shows two nice works for Zito; I like this guy to run a good one.

Noble’s Promise (12‐1) nearly ran down one of the probable favorites, and almost outlasted his another time (I’m talking about Lookin at Lucky) I will use him; I think he can sit just off the pace, and providing he gets a good trip might be around at the finish.

Ice Box (10‐1)….no thanks, he hasn’t shown me anything, other than his ability to close in a weak field and hot pace. He was all out to beat Pleasant Prince, who has since come back to run off the board. He will face much better Saturday afternoon, in a crowded field. I will pass on him…might get over bet as well.

Awesome Act (10‐1) and Discreetly Mine (30‐1) might have a shot if they can rate. Awesome Act lost a shoe last race, and still managed to run on and finish pretty well. If he runs back to his Gotham, he could be very dangerous.

Dean’s Kitten…..really????

Final selections:

1. Dublin (12‐1)

2. Awesome Act (10‐1)

3. Jackson’s Bend (15‐1)

4. Noble’s Promise (12‐1)

Friday Confessions

1. I would like to find a job that included nap time as a company policy.

2. My Friday nights are spent baking. Because I am a 75 year old grandmother.

3. I really do think those Reebok butt shapers will make me look like the girls in the commercials. "Who wears short shorts?" Well if I had those shoes I could, but I wouldn't because I like to set a good example for the younger wanna-be hootchies.

4. My friend had a baby last Thursday. She has since uttered the words "nipple confusion" and I am now concerned for all future conversations.

5. I really did walk around NYC on Sunday with my fly down. Again.

6. A driver's ed car went by my office on Tuesday. It was on a flat bed with a smashed front end. Oh how I laughed at the poor flunky's expense.

7. My parents taught me a harsh, humiliating lesson in stealing when I was three.  I have never even considered taking so much as a dust bunny from any store, home, or baseball diamond since then.

8. I am in a hippie transformation process.  I now only eat free-range chicken, grass fed beef and cage free eggs.  I am also considering buying a Subaru and not wearing deodorant.

9. Tomorrow is the Kentucky Derby, one of Corey's favorite days.  I will be walking the dog and eating nachos because I bring bad luck to horse racing and girl talk to boy time.

10. I ate dessert before dinner last night.  And then again after dinner.  Because I'm an adult.

One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish

Correction:  I might have implied yesterday that my parents were neglectful of my brain development by not reading to me.  Ever.  Apparently, being the first child and not having other brats to attend to, they read to me.  A lot.  While I sat on the potty waiting for my pee pees.

After posting yesterday, I received this email:

"What do you mean you don’t remember being read too???? We were always reading to you…how do you think you got potty trained...hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm???????????? Don’t you remember Are you my Mother????? And all the other Dr. Seuss books? You better get your little self right back on that blog and tell those 4 other followers just how often we read to you missy!!!

Love mom.

See, she exaggerates too.  Notice the excessive punctuation.  And maybe she underestimates the popularity of my quaint little blog.  But probably not.  At least she still loves me. 
 
Then my dad:
 
"She is in trouble!!!! She was read to all the time that I can remember......"


I told them I would post a correction today.  He said:
 
"Lets leave out the potty training thing tho."
 
Sorry daddy, I thought it was cute.  I guess I'm back to being a bad daughter again!

Ten on Tuesday

1. Think back a decade, do you remember what your first cellphone was? Was it as cool as Zack Morris’s phone?
First let me say I am totally giddy over the Saved by the Bell reference.  Whoever came up with these questions just might be as geeky as me.  But I digress.  I had this guy:

With the goofy, awkward telephone pole sticking up at the top.   

2. What is the first children’s book you remember being read to you?
Let me preface this by saying Mick and Deb are totally awesome, loving, and devoted parents...but I don't remember a single book ever read to me.  Possibly because it was never done.

Man, I am in trouble.

3. What was your first car? Did you love it or hate it?
This is a source of bitterness in my family.  My parents bought a new Ford Escort for me and my mom to share, but since it was a little inconvenient they bought me my own car, a '93 Plymouth Laser.  Super cool.  But then I went away to college and my parents wanted me in a safe car, so I took the Escort.  To this day, my sisters still claim my parents bought me two cars. 

And they did

4. Who was your hero growing up?
This is going to paint a very shallow picture of me: I have no idea.  There were plenty of people I admired, but no one in particular I tried to emulate.  Is that what a hero is even for?  I'm confused by the question.

5. Think back to your first kiss. Was it everything you dreamed of?
Oh dear.  Do I have to answer this with my mother reading??  Yes?  Ok.  Here we go: ohmigoshtotallystinkinawesome.  And that's all I can say.

6. What was your first BAD hairstyle choice? (Extra points for embarrassing photos)
My choice was to not do my hair in 7th grade.  Yikes.  Frizzy and wavy.  I don't have to dig for a picture.  I can just take one tonight when I brush out my curls.

7. What was your first realistic dream? (One where you had to think “Oh dang, was that a dream?”)
I was three years old and there was a bear chasing me around trying to eat me.  The details have faded over the past 24 years.  But I hear that happens.

8. What was the first phobia you remember developing?
Water.  As in the kind you find in a lake possibly infested with screaming eels.  Thanks Auntie Cindy for cultivating this fear that has stayed with me for 21 years.

AC really hasn't gotten great press the past few days here.  Yeah, she exposed me to the best movie ever, which happened to also foster a debilitating fear of water I can't see through, and told me my body was made up of worms, but she is also a super hip lady and the main source of my creative ambition.  So she's coo.

9. Which character on Sesame Street do you most identify with?
This is hard.  I wish my long term memory worked.  Some days I like to think I'm an Ernie: aloof, playful and care-free.  Other days I'm Bert: rational and boring.  And then there are those Oscar days every month that I'd rather not talk about.

10. What was the hardest goal you ever accomplished?
Setting the family record for the most homemade tacos eaten at one sitting: 7.
 
See how I resort to funny in an effort to divert the topic away from the painful realization that I don't set goals because of my fear of failure?
 
But I exaggerate.  I don't set hard goals because, again, I just might be shallow.

A Midspring Day's Jaunt

What happens when you put a small town ding-dong in a place like New York City?

You get Stacie, fly down, walking into traffic, talking to strangers, limping in the wrong shoes, tripping over celebrities, comparing the smell of garbage, exhaust and homeless people on every corner to the blooming flowers in Saratoga.

Yes, we had a lovely trek through the city on Sunday.  Thank you for asking.

Corey and I went with his friend Jim to see his super talented daughter perform in an off-off Broadway version of A Midsummer Night's Dream.  Being a Shakespeare-for-Dummies flunky, I spent much of the time mouthing, "what the heck are they saying??" to Corey and listening for laughter cues from the audience.  I do think, though, I understood the main premise of the play:

There was a guy who likes a girl who is betrothed to a guy who likes the same girl, but the girl likes the other guy.  Another girl likes the guy the first girl doesn't like and at some point a fairy guy places a spell thing on them all and a crazy mixed up love triangle happens.

Then another fairy girl gets the same spell treatment and falls in love with a doofus actor.  This has something to do with a baby.  I have no idea where this baby fits in.

The fairy guy then fixes all the spells and the guy that likes the girl that likes the guy like each other again, and the other girl who likes the other guy still likes him, but he now likes her back and they all watch a horrible play at the king and his new wife's house.  I get the impression she isn't a fan of him, but that could just be the acting.  I do understand the backstage ickies that can cause a person to loathe romantic on stage scenes.  And that is hard to mask.

Even though there were no props and no set and no costumes, the guys in front of me were getting a little fresh...with each other, and my experience in the ladies room probably gave me scabies, I very much enjoyed the show and our very brief NYC experience.

But there is just something about home.  And my flamingo pajamas.  And Oliver.  And warm cookies and milk enjoyed wrapped in a fluffy green blanket while watching the History channel.  And knowing I will never have to worry about running into Lucy Liu on the streets of Saratoga with nothing for her to sign but my arm, a brand new umbrella, or leather purse.

Ahhhh, home.  There really is no place like it.

Friday Confessions

1.  I get cranky when I look frumpy.  I have been cranky all week.
2.  Corey made me mad Monday night so I doubled the amount of green peppers and onions in the casserole I made for dinner.  He originally asked for fewer veggies.
3.  Left the barn door open Tuesday.  Flashed ma goodies all over Glens Falls, both to and from the brownie store.
4.  I over-water plants.  My co-worker, Sharon, will come back from vacation next week to moldy ferns and violets, but that'll teach her for leaving me in charge.
5. We do not have a working DVD player.  Many a night I have needed a Nacho Libre fix....sigh.
6.  I am jealous of my boss's wardrobe.  My boss is 70.
7.  My Wii Fit asks me if I have any weekend plans and if I slept well.  I answer.  Then I get mad that we can't skip my morning body test to chat.  Then I remember video games can't talk back.  Then I get embarrassed.
8.  Today is my first dog, Lucy's, birthday.  She died when she was 4 from cancer and I cried for 3 years.
9.  Our vacuum broke.  We have an inch of dog hair on all surfaces, including the ones we eat from, and possibly the ones I've made food to serve to others from.
10. I have no will-power.  If a cake sits in front of me, I eat it until I vomit.  If brownies walk by, I follow and devour.  And then I yell at Corey for not eating his veggies.  Nice job.

Poor choices and tummy grumblies

I was out of commission yesterday thanks to a very bad stomach ache.

I'm assuming it was the creamy casserole, followed by the brownie, followed by the black beans, followed by the cake, followed by the cake, followed by the cookie Tuesday night that did me in.  Apparently my 27 year old stomach can no longer handle my normal eating habits.

Great.

So I decided it was best for me, and those who share our community bathroom at the office, to stay home.

And home I stayed.  Until I went out to lunch with Corey, where I ate a buffalo chicken sandwich topped with bleu cheese dressing and a couple greasy fries on the side and a frosted brownie cake for dessert.

In hindsight, that probably wasn't the best idea.

But I digested.  And all is well.