Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Safety Hazzard

Folks, when putting up exterior illumination of any kind please take into consideration sightlines to and from any major highways.

A single glowing snowman will pose no major threat to motorists.

A single glowing snowman that bends, twists, or moves will leave motorists driving 70mph watching and wondering...

"What could he possibly do next?!"

"Is he going to bend?"

"Is he going to twist?"

"Is he going to do a roundoff backhandspring, back tuck combo?!"

The next thing you know their knees are pushed up to their eyeballs, along with the front bumper.

Another example:

A single strand of lights will pose no major threat.

A single strand of lights connected to another strand, connected to another strand, connected to another strand, wrapped around every protruding object in your yard, AND twinkling most definitely will send a car or two into a snowy ditch. 

See, you may or may not be aware that most people, like moths and other stupid bugs, are drawn to bright, shiny objects.  We must look at every single tree, shrub, child, and grazing deer covered in lights.  Call it an instinctual flaw.

And at 65mph (because we all really do drive the speed limit, Officer Jason Winters) during rush hour traffic you can see how  7 seconds of perusing might have some serious consequences.

Do you really want that on your conscience?

You know who you are, gloriously bright house off of exit 15 on I-87.  Yeah, you, right off the curve where that big blue lodging sign is...

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