My Thoughts, Exactly: hair care

Is it just me or is everyone talking about new methods for green hair care and face wash?

Or maybe I just have bunches of blog friends who think just. like. me. in that they want to remove unnecessary and harmful chemicals from their daily lives.

...but not just like me in taste of music.

Jump Around?

House of Pain?

Anyone?

Anyone?

...

As I usually do, I jumped blindly onto the green beauty bandwagon.

Rub baking soda all over my head?

Dunk my hair in vinegar?!

You Know It!!

No, these are actually pretty popular methods of green cleaning.  And for most people they probably work just fine.

Maybe even better than your usual shampoo and conditioners.

But not for me.

Sigh.

I had high hopes thanks to Ashley and Kathryn, but it wasn't meant to be.

Or maybe I was just doing it wrong.

The first day I tried my new hair washing routine was last Wednesday.  Also known as the day before Thanksgiving.  I started out with a little over a tablespoon of baking soda, I made a little paste with water and rubbed it all over my head.  I missed the sloshiness of shampoo, but I wasn't sending weirdo chemicals down the drain and into my skin so I carried on.

I don't have overly greasy hair and I don't have dry hair, and this was the day after the day after I last washed my hair.  Normal for me.

My hair felt a little greasy.  I didn't exactly know what to expect so I went to the next step: apple cider vinegar conditioner.  I'd been conditioning this way for a week, ever since I ran out of my store bought conditioner.  I didn't notice a difference.

Yes I did.  The stuff stinks.  Real bad.  It's vinegar.  Luckily the smell goes away once my hair dries, but sometimes I let the day do the dryin' so I carry a pretty nasty smell with me to work.

By Thanksgiving morning I assessed the grease situation and thought I'd better do another "shampoo" because it was, after all, Thanksgiving and if I was going to be seeing a ton of relatives I needed to look my best.

I wasn't overly greasy, but there was more than I'm used to on day 2 of my normal hair washing schedule.

You see me as one big grease-ball now, don't you.

It gets better.

I get ready for my shower.  I "lather up" my baking soda and smear it all over my head.  I work it into my problem areas.  I rinse and "condition".  Then I go about my morning.

I spent the next few minutes bragging about my new "green" efforts to my friend and how cool it is to care about the environment.

Then I blow dried my hair.  You know, to be pretty.

When I run my hands through the back of my head I find enough grease to fry an egg.

Grrrooooooosssss.

Ohmigosh, ohmigosh what do I do??

...

First I felt stupid...and dirty.  Then I closed the door so my friend wouldn't find me and laugh.  My ultimate solution was to put a generous amount of water onto my hair and sweep it up into a tight bun.

"What happened?  I thought you dried your hair??"

"It didn't work out weshouldprobablygorightnow."

Of all days.  Sheesh! 

So now we have lovely pictures of all the cousins (and cousins-in-law, ahem) in our holiday best and me with my hair slicked back with nature's hair goo.

In conclusion...don't let my experience detract you from doing your duty to save our planet, just know all fantastic results are not typical.

...

Or maybe you should make sure you're doing it right in the first place.

I honestly still don't know if I was.  Whoopsie!

Ten on Tuesday

A nice set of randoms (my fave!) from Chelsea at Roots and Rings to start off what I thought was Wednesday.

1. Do you wear glasses, contacts, or are you one of those perfect eyed people?
Back in sixth grade I thought it was so cool how my friend Wendy would push her glasses up by the nose piece and I wanted to be able to do it too.

I've worn glasses ever since.

Moral of the story: be careful what you wish for.


2. What is the next item you are going to purchase?
Supplies to make jewelry from which I will actually make money, so is this really a trick question??

3. Have you ever watched Judge Judy or any other real court show?
I have about thirty Matlocks on my DVR right now, so, um, yeah.  I watch court shows.

4. How do you feel about fake nails?
I think they're pretty.  But I have some fantastically hard nails that are in a shape I can live with so I probably will never indulge.  Unless I come across some Lee press-ons in leopard print I can wear for a day.

5. What is your favorite sport to watch?
Tricky, tricky: I'll watch just about anything live.  But on TV it has to be a special occasion; my Boilermakers in the NCAA championship, Giants, Saints or Colts at a sports bar, Super Bowl, or Yankees in the playoffs.

6. If you could create your own Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavor, what would it be and what would it be named?
Chocolate Explosion: chocolate ice cream, with ribbons of fudge, brownie chunks and pop rocks....so it feels like your mouth is actually exploding.

7. Do you have any scars?
I have a scar next to my right eye brow (my right) from going to town on a chicken pox bump, and then I have a scar on my left knee (my left) from when my dad and I raced home from kindergarten and I fell and slid across the cement.

Oh, and then there's the mark where I had my belly button ring.

Don't judge.

8. Does your pet’s name fit them? Is there a more appropriate name?
I like non-traditional names, so I would say Oliver, being a non-traditional spazoid goofball, is plenty appropriate.

9. What is your favorite television show theme song?
Golden Girls.

"Thank you for bein' a friennnnnd.  Traveled down the road and back again; your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant..."

Inspirational.

10. What was your favorite activity on the playground?
I've always been a fan of tag, but for awhile in 4th grade I spent my time on the bars.  I swung around on those things like a pro doing all kinds of tricks for the other kids.  But then I realized I could fall on my face and that was it.

Gobble Gobble

Where do I begin?

I mean, Thursday was technically the gateway into the holiday season, and that's kind of a big deal so of course I'm going to have a story or five to tell.

But where do I begin?!

...

My BFF came into town Wednesday night with her toddler, Lucy.  It was unplanned, but not unwelcomed.

Just....unplanned.

Have I mentioned Corey and I do not have children?

Or that our "baby proofing" previously consisted of moving items that would be attractive to a Golden Retriever mouth?

A few mistakes:

• left Oliver-dog's food bowls on the floor
• left wool for felting on ottoman

If you put two and two together you get a few necklaces and bracelets smelling like salmon and beef jerky.

We did our usual two meals on Thanksgiving.  First with my family where I swore I would not stuff my face, but stuffed my face anyway, and then with Corey's family where I had no more room to stuff.

So I stuffed my pockets.

Just kidding.  But, seriously, I wish I had.

On Friday I replaced my dad's and my traditional 3am Black Friday outing for an 11am shove match at the outlet mall where I found a pair of red corduroy stretchy pants at Banana Republic for $10.  I'm so glad I like the clothes no one else wants.  I lean toward stretchy now that my Summer of Carbs has turned into a Fall of Cookies and I'm getting all squishy.

By then our house was baby free and in the afternoon while Corey let loose with the vacuum I was able to felt my way to arthritis.  The process I now use involves stabbing small balls of wool with special needles, so I guess it was appropriate that I stabbed away to the 48 Hours Mystery marathon on TLC.

The rest of our holiday weekend was slow and uneventful.

I declared Saturday to be a day of inside projects and that is where I stayed.  Inside.  Washing sheets, felting, eating and not showering.  And on Sunday I accidentally got a spatula stuck in my stand mixer and flung cookie dough across the kitchen.

Corey was mad.  I think he's glad I'm back to work and away from his kitchen where I tend to make messes.

I made quite a few messes.

First with the two pumpkin pies.

Did you know I have this thing about making my pies from scratch?  It takes me three hours and I do actually get flour on everything, including the dog.

Then I made a green bean casserole.

Did you know I have this thing about making my cooking projects more difficult than they need to be?  I may or may not have sent Corey on a mission for bacon Thanksgiving morning.

Then I made dog treats for each of the ten dogs we encounter in our whirlwind, cross county Thanksgiving tour.

Did you know I have this thing about turning myself into Martha Stewart?  Fancy packaging, dog bone labels, wood basket and all?

Lord help me if I were to ever be a full time housewife.

And Lord help my waistline.

But now, finally, I'm back to work.  The daily grind.

...counting down the days until the next round of holiday madness.

Tidbits

Here are a few nuggets to start your (hopefully short!) work week:

1.  My hair smells like vinegar.

It's, um, a natural conditioner.  Or so I've heard.  Right now all I know is that I have a mason jar full of something that looks like pee and smells worse that I have committed to dunking the ends of my hair into after every wash.

2.  I still have the jitters from a coffee I drank yesterday.

And it wasn't even a good coffee.

3.  Our weekend revolved around smells: my breath and Oliver's butt.

That's a story that doesn't need telling, there is no happy ending.

4.  Yes there is, the foul odors have been eliminated.  The End.

But just so you aren't picturing strange things happening at my house, let me assure you my breath and Oliver's butt are in no way connected.  I just happened to be emitting a "hickory" scent (as Corey described it) from my mouth while Oliver had a few glandular issues.

Butt glands.  He had butt gland overflow.

Sorry.

5.  The coffee also made me dizzy and nauseous and hungry.

6.  I am still dizzy and nauseous and hungry.

7.  I am only working two days this week. 

My brain has started vacation early.

Like, today.

Friday Confessions

1.  I had a few bobby pins sitting on my desk.  I almost used them as paper clips.

2.  While running last week I definitely saw a thong hanging by a rear view mirror.

3.  I thought it was a baby hat.  A shiny red baby hat.

4.  When we first moved to Indiana I begged my mom to let us stay home for our very first "snow." 

It was frost.

5.  I remember what I meant by my Confessions note last week: pig squeeze poo.  It was another crazy awkward google keyword search.

I wish I could remember where I wrote those words.  It must be hilarious.

6.  I would also like to know where I referred to an "intestine train."

Also hilarious.

7.  I saw a People.com headline about the Jonas Brothers considering a reunion.

I was unaware they are not still together.

And I am shocked no one told me.

8.  If I won the lottery I would by a very large air compressor for my mom.

9.  I caused a powdered cheese explosion in my parents' kitchen.  Pressure + powdered cheese packet + rushing to finish making dinner before Bible study = cheese all over stove and kitchen floor.

Whoopsie.

10.  I eat boxed macaroni and cheese.  The kind in the shape of bunnies.

...

Happy Friday!!

2011 goals revisited

I looked at my calendar today.  Like, really looked at it.  Not the "please tell me today is Thursday because I could really use an 'it's almost Friday' pick-me-up" kind, more like "what are those teeny tiny little numbers in the bottom corner?"

Those numbers said there are only 44 days left in 2011.

Uh oh.

Hey, remember 321 days ago when I posted my New Year's resolutions?  I had ten of them, they weren't too hard...remember?

Yeah, me neither.  Which means I probably have not had much success in keeping them:

1. Train for the triathlon in June.

A triathlon?!  I wanted to do this?  Oh yes, that was before I found out about my trick knee.

Fail.

2. Break my addiction to carbs and brownies.

This was over before it even started.  In fact, I declared this past summer The Summer of Carbs.  I can no longer fit into my clothes.

Super fail.

3. Save up enough money for a down payment on the house I love.

It's hard to save money when you get $185 tickets for talking on your cell phone.

Fail.

4. Convince Corey he loves the house too.

The house sold two months ago.  I only just stopped crying myself to sleep.

Grrr fail.

5. Stop smoking.

Yes!  But I didn't smoke to begin with so does this count?

6. Hold Corey and myself to weekly date nights.

I can count the number of dates on half of one hand.

Fail.

7. Leave the workforce to raise four kids, wear a frilly apron, and cook homemade pot pies.

You tell me.

8. Finish reading my Bible already.

I will actually be done by the end of the year!!  It only took me two years.

....for goodness sake.

9. Find a charity and offer up my services.

Oh boy did I.  There is a reason The Summer of Carbs existed; it's because it was also The Summer Stacie Was Never Home Because She Had Two Meetings A Day For The Soup Kitchen Fundraiser And Had To Eat Whatever She Could Get Her Hands On.

I normally shorten the title when I refer to it.

10. Enter and win a pie eating contest.

I still have time...and half a pie in my refrigerator.

Just noticed I wanted to give up carbs and eat a ton of carbs all in the same set of goals.

...

Soooooo, two and a half completed out of ten.  Not too bad considering I completely forgot about them and any amount of completion was entirely coincidence.

I plan on making 2012 goals much simpler.

Like, "make pee pee in the potty."

And "buy a pair of pants."

We Want To Know: Can You Sing??

{1} Do you have any musical talents?
I played the trombone in my high school's marching, jazz and concert bands (geek alert).  It was one of those instruments where you could spot pretty easily who did and did not know their stuff.

"Hey, why is that girl with the frizzy hair and glasses not moving her slide like the rest of 'em??"

{2} What role, if any, does music play in your life?
Very little.  I don't play my trombone anymore (seriously, it's a trombone) and I don't have the radio on much.  I figure, if I'm going to have something that sucks my attention I'd rather it be a TV show about zombies, polygamy, or the state of prison systems across America.

(i have varied interests...)

{3} What is your all time favorite song?
It changes day by day.  At the moment: House of Pain's Jump Around.

{4} Do you sing in the shower?
Sometimes I hum in the shower.  I save the real singing for the car where I know no one can hear me.
{5} Has a song ever made you cry?
Movies make me cry, TV shows make me cry, commercials make me cry...so I'm pretty sure at some time a song has made me cry.

...

Thanks to Mamarazzi, Queso and Crazymama for hosting!

Embarrassing Moment #1096

A word of caution: hopping over a fence is not as effortless as you think it should be.

"Yeah, all I have to do is grab hold of this top part here and throw my legs over the side there and bippidy boppidy here I am.  Other side."

You see where this is going.

...

I walk Oliver-dog most mornings; we take different routes depending on how much time we have and whether or not O has been cooped up for days because of weather and extreme digestion that necessitated me being within close proximity to "the facilities" at all times.

Hypothetically.

Today's route took us to a small park at a rec center where I can throw a ball and my little spazoid can frolic and run without me needing to do more than stand in one place.

In this park is a water feature for the kiddies; a round cement area where bursts of water squirt up little behinds and into eyes and for some reason they love it.  But because we're so close to winter the feature is covered with a tarp and blocked off with a flimsy three foot fence made of wooden stakes.

That detail is important later.

So there dork-brains and I are; me throwing the ball, he running wild with lips and eye lids flapping.  If you know me at all, you can imagine a 20ft in diameter cordoned off space is just the type of target I'm able to hit when I'm not trying to hit it.

Of course, the dang ball lands right in the middle of the tarp.  I stand there and ponder two very difficult choices:

1. leave the ball because it's a tennis ball for goodness sake and you have about a dozen lost in the bushes behind your apartment.
2. get the ball because it's just right there and you know how much you hate to waste and that ball could be worth, like, a whole quarter.

Number two wins.  I find a saggy part of the fence and hop the two feet over into the tarped area.  No problem.

But there was a problem.  The fence sagged inward, which means the wooden spikes were now facing me and I would most certainly impale myself if I tried to go out the same way.  So as I started to panic about being trapped I considered other options.

Luckily it was only 7am; there was one car in the parking lot and it most likely belonged to someone in the neighborhood who left it overnight.  I was alone in my ridiculousness.

At least that's what I was hoping.

I move around to a more sturdy side of the fence, test out the wires looping the stakes together and decide I would just have to hoist myself up and over.

(this was after trying to grab hold of the top and bounce my way over, realizing I can only pick my legs up two feet)

I jam my foot in between the stakes on top of the wire and set myself up.  I get my right leg over and I'm almost proud of myself when my left foot gets stuck in the fence and I end up dangling by one of the stakes.  I pull my right butt muscle as I'm in a near-split trying to free my foot.  Foot finally clears but my leg was stuck on the stake.  More stretching, aaaaaaaand release.

I start to think how that so was not worth it when I hear:

"You know, I wouldda used a stick or somthin'."

Oh dear sweet bubbalicious.  This man watched the entire thing.

"So you saw...all that?"

"Yeah..."

"Ok, well I'm out now, so....OLIVER!"

And off we went, with a slight limp and several splinters in my butt.

...

Oh, and after all that, my darling dog managed to lose the ball.

Communication Nightmare

In the middle of an argument on how I'm so mad that Corey never listens to me he interrupts me to say:

"Why don't you just tell me what you're mad at??"

I have. no. words.

A Plea To All My Girlfriends

Hey ladies, can we stop trying to kill chivalry here?

Srsly.

I know we all think we can do anything the boys can do and we don't need nobody treating us like sissy girls who need a man to kill spiders and open up those tricky mayonnaise jars.

But, um...I can't do everything the boys can do.

And, uh....I would prefer to be treated like the hormonal, irrational, physically weaker girl that I am.

Boy am I glad to get that out!

Yep.  I have scrawny little arms more suited for whipping up meringues than pouring concrete.  Were I required to join a profession that called for manual labor I would fall behind.  That's just a fact.  I can show you my arms, they're pretty worthless.

So, as I am oh-so-secure in my daintiness,  I would appreciate a little recognition of the hours spent making said desserts with a door held open.

"Why thank you sir, and may the Lord bless you with a wife, mother, daughter, niece, nice lady neighbor, etc. willing to share her lady skills like listening to you complain about your job, complimenting your new hair cut or bringing you hot chocolate as you shovel snow."

I also, as a girl, suffer from the little known ailment: raging hormones and enough estrogen to cause me to cry like a baby during Cheaper by the Dozen and While You Were Sleeping.  I view the world with my emotions and I am moved easily. 

With that said, I would like to be spoken to like the fragile thing that I am, on the verge of cracking....which I may or may not be depending on the day.

Or hour.

I like to be offered a place to sit.

I like the bacon brought home.

And I like protection from the dark, serial killers, and zombies.

So whoever is spreading the rumor that none of us gals like to be treated like gals please leave your generalizations in your pockets so I can be who I am; hormones, weak arms, chocolate hoarding, and all.

Thanksomuch.

Ten on Tuesday

Happy Election Day!! 

Read.  Then go VOTE.

1. What’s your favorite television show for each day of the week?
Monday: DVRed Sister Wives
Tuesday: New Girl
Wednesday: Modern Family
Thursday: Parks and Rec
Friday: whatever crime show marathon happens to be on

I watch too much TV.  But if you try to take away my shows I'll go crazy monkey on your face.


2. How many times do you wear your jeans before you watch them?
Quite a few, but that's only because I only wear them for a couple hours before getting back into jammies.

I will be putting Pajama Jeans on my Christmas list this year.  My two favorite things in one.

3. What is your favorite pasta shape?
Spiral.  It keeps me young.

And when I was a kid I would swallow them whole thinking they were made to spiral down your throat.

4. Do you read newspapers?
Everyday at work.  For the same reason I read actual books and not those e-reader contraptions all the young people keep walkin' around with.
5. Do you sleep in socks?
I start sleeping in socks.  But because my body is a human electric blanket I kick them off.

I don't always find both socks right away.

6. Favorite genre of movies?
Ummmm, probably a tie between comedy and romantic comedy.

I like to keep things silly.

7. How do you feel about wrestling?
Nope.  Don't like it one bit.  I'm too afraid someone's gonna break their neck.

I have this fear of breaking my neck.  It's in my top 10.  Weird.

8. Should men pluck their eyebrows?
Some men should.  The ones who have unibrows.  I don't think it's necessary to pluck to shape the brow.

9. Do you have dimples?
I have a couple.  My mother-in-law pokes at them.

But I have confessed I would like to poke a chin dimple so I can't really fault her.

10. Do you like to camp?
I love, love, love to camp.  Love it.  Love.  I would do it right now if someone could assure me I would not be cold every single second of it.  You know, with it getting down to 20 degrees at night...

...

Happy Tuesday!  Visit Chelsea for some more randomness!

Weekend Wrap Up: Food and Food

I can literally sum up Corey and my entire weekend in 11 bullets.

• horse racing (a little thing called Breeder's Cup....uh, hello?)
• sewing class
• food
• jammies
• cold
• power outage
• felting
• bridal expo
• walk
• jammies
• zombies

Yaaaay.

There was some excitement when on Saturday I thought it was Sunday, and had to remind myself that I still had one more day in my weekend.

And then there was more excitement when I remembered Sunday night that I have election day and veteran's day off.

And then I was a bucket of nerves watching my zombie show.

Seriously, this thing is getting just a little too real for me but I just have to see what happens to Rick and his band of zombie killers, especially now that Lori is pregnant.

The end of the world is not a good time for maritals.

But I digress.

I was ok with our lack of plans.  With Christmas and all those other holidays coming I doubt we'll have too many more commitment free days.  And I got a bunch of felting out of the way.  So much so that I'm finding aches in muscles I didn't know I had.

The price of hard work....(sigh.)

And Corey had time to make one killer meal including dessert.  He told me to take a picture of it (brought some with me for lunch today) for all the Internets to see.  But I devoured it, making my usual sloppy eating noises, and before I knew it my bowl was empty.

You'll just have to take my word for it.  Awesome food for an awesomely quiet weekend.

The End.

Friday Confessions

1.  I write myself little notes so I can remember what I need to confess for the week.  But I have no clue what "pig squeeze poo" is supposed to mean.

It was probably a great story.

2.  I tried.  Oh boy did I try.  But I just can't make myself like that George Stephanopoulos.

3.  My dad's mom has always reminded me of Betty White....a Mexican Betty White.

4.  Last week or so I mentioned I could watch Christmas Vacation non stop for the rest of my life, or something to that effect.  I am adding Baby Mama to that list.

5.  And Don Juan DeMarco.

6.  In my old age I'm starting to forget when to use affect and effect.

7.  I am also losing the ability to care.

8.  When the construction crew was pulling up the sidewalks at my office I was unable to keep my eyes off the action.  I may have missed my life's calling.

9.  Corey has a horrible habit of forgetting where he put his phone when he walks in the door.  In one of the latest frantic searches I said it's probably somewhere strange like in the fridge.  He looked in the fridge.  No, no, like the fridge.

It was in the laundry basket.

10.  My latest quirk: I sing random songs all day long.

"Everybody's workin for the weekend..."

...

Happy Friday!

We Want To Know: How You Celebrate!

{1} How did you celebrate Halloween? Trick or treating? Adult party? Trunk or treat?
First let me say I am loving this new trunk or treat thing, and I can just picture the cool mom's trunk overflowing with candy.  Mmmm....Snickers.  But no, this Halloween I did nothing.  We do, however, have a costume lined up for O-dog next year:

{2} What candy is your favorite/the first thing you steal from the kids?
If I had kids from which to steal candy, first would come the Smarties, followed by Dots, and then Tootsie Roll Pops.

You thought I was going to say chocolate.

I know.  Sometimes I surprise myself.


{3} What kind of candy do you give out, is it your favorite? or something you know you won't be tempted to eat?
We don't live in a trick-or-treat friendly building.  That's the life of an apartment dweller.  But if we were to hand anything out I wouldn't be the one to buy it.  Corey would beat me to it by several months and we would be handing out king size candy bars.


{4} How soon after Halloween do you take down decorations and put away costumes?
I set out fall decorations, not Halloween specific.  I'm already plenty afraid I'm going to find real ghosts and zombies wandering around my apartment in the dark.

{5} When do you decorate for the next holiday?
We'll put up our Christmas tree soon after Thanksgiving.  And we usually leave a few days after New Year's Day.  There's a real emotional void around that time, so it's hard to give up the last reminant of a whirlwind holiday season.

...

Yay for the most wonderful time of the year!!

Morning

God bless Corey.

Seriously.  Bless the stuff out of him.

I had myself a morning this morning.  Oh yes sir, I was on the border of a mental breakdown and poor Corey was on the other end of it:

"(blubber blubber blubber) my clothes don't fit!! (blubber blubber blubber) what am I supposed to do with my life?! (blubber blubber) we never eat vegetables! (blubber blubber blubber blubber) my hair is so plain and ugly!! (blubber blubber blubber) and then there's my face! (blubber blubber)..."

Pause.

".....Beetle, we can start eating veggies."

Goodness gracious, through the phone I could almost hear him trying to think of the right response.

Boy did he hit that nail on the head.

Weekend Wrap Up: Rednecks and Ghost Stories

Happy belated Halloween everybody!!

I hope it was spooktacular to whatever degree in which you are most comfortable!  My Halloween was a tad less than thrilling this year.  There was some felting, I cleaned out a closet, saw a few trick-or-treaters walk by, ventured out into a downtown establishment where I played the mental game of "is that wart real or fake?", and then snuggled into bed with Oliver and Matlock.

Edge-of-your-seat kind of stuff.

But that's what most people expect when Halloween falls on a stinkin' Monday.

Now, my Halloween weekend?  That was fun.

Thirty minutes of it, to be exact.

My sister Kimberlie and I have a standing date at the Double M Haunted Hayride every October.  There's a field, a tractor, some hay and mayhem.  I wouldn't call it knock-yer-socks-off (or as my friends to the south say: I wouldn't want to slap my mama) but a good time, nonetheless.

Our ritual: we meet at my apartment, laugh about how many layers we're wearing (3 pairs of pants this year, a record), make scream faces for the camera, and giggle all the way to the farm.  We had an extra this year, Kimberlie's friend Logan who proved to be a good fit in our night of shenanigans.

Shenanigans that started the second we sat down on that flat-bed.

"'OMG I'm at the Haunted Hayride!!' Now as soon as you're done texting your BFF put your cell phone in a zippered pocket!"

Jolly security guards, priceless.

"I just soaked through ALL layers of my pants."

It was snowing, by the way, and the hay was wet.  We did not pee our pants prior to the hayride.

Or during, actually.  To clarify further.

So we ride around.  Dead bodies jumped out at us, zombie school children followed us around, we even saw the headless horseman:

"Awwww, can I pet the horse?"

Fail.

Being oh-so-slightly wound, I jumped at the slightest movement.  I also screamed loudly.  My whole body is still sore from the tension that came from knowing something was going to jump out at me and force me to scream right in my neighbor's ear.

It's one of those reflexes I just cannot control.

But all of that is plain fun!  I love being scared, one night a year.

In the last part of our hayride we encountered a redneck village full of dilapidated trailers and cannibal toothless wonders.  Men in overalls and flannel ran out of their homes screaming at us, and some even followed our tractor!

One of these bufoons startled Logan and she screamed.

Logan: "I'm sorry!"

Kimberlie: "Did you just apologize for screaming?"

Redneck:  "It's because she farted."

Everyone within earshot: "Hahaha!"

Redneck: "Hey...(to the person leading our group) be careful, this one right here FARTED."

After we de-tractored I heard a few people whispering:

"That's the girl who farted."

Poor Logan.

But all fart jokes aside, this year's adventure was my favorite.

The rest of the night include a haunted house, ice cream and enough of The Shining to reach and exceed my creep tolerance, about an hour and a half.

And now I'm set until next year.