1. I'm that awkward dope who fills in pauses in conversation with random facts like:
"Did you know Tom Cruise's name in Top Gun was Pete Mitchell?"
2. I also used correct grammar in most situations in Jr. High which was the least cool thing I could do. I believe that is where the awkward began.
3. I'm blowing bubbles in my bubble gum right now.
4. And at the same time thinking, "how much longer before I can spit this out without being wasteful?"
5. Is is colon cancer awareness month everywhere else? We have all these blue ribbons hanging up all over town to bring awareness to the importance of good bottom health and I can only wonder what made organizers choose blue over the more obvious choice.
6. A few years ago I was asked to give a radio interview on the importance of colorectal screening. This is me nervous before the interview, and this is me describing the mess it turned out to be.
7. Sentences ending in prepositional phrases always remind me of friends my family had when I was younger from South Africa. We thought they were sooooo cool and proper. They would say stuff like, "make sure you bring your swimming costume," and "I need to go to the lou." But then there was "would you like to come with?" and that's just wrong.
8. I spit my gum out.
9. I think this is worth mentioning again: when I got my wisdom teeth taken out the doctor hit a nerve somewhere and now the left side of my bottom jaw is numb. If I don't watch myself brush my teeth I end up drooling all over myself.
10. The fashion alert has been posted: Kate Middleton is wearing coral skinny jeans. You and I can only benefit by wearing coral skinny jeans.
Did you pick up on some sarcasm?
Because I'm completely serious.
Happy Friday, friends!