Saturday, April 3, 2010

Chocolate covered nutrients

I am not usually one to question God's design, but I think I ran across an error.

Broccoli does not taste good.

Asparagus does not taste good.

Zucchini does not taste good.

But chocolate cake, pecan pie, and peach cobbler do.

The problem lies in the stomach ache.  You will not get a stomach ache from eating too much broccoli because you will never eat too much broccoli because it does not taste good.   You will, however feel immense pain from eating an entire chocolate cake (know this from experience) because the odds are great that you will eat the entire thing because it is chocolate and chocolate is good.

But, for some reason, it is the broccoli and the asparagus and the zucchini and the brussel sprouts and the spinach and all of the other rabbit foods that your body needs.  So my question is: why can't we need pecan pie?  What about bread pudding or flan?  What's so wrong with the nutrients in Godiva cheesecake?

I can't speculate where things went wrong, I just know they did.  Allow me to prove myself using a lower species of the animal kingdom: lions.  These big, beautiful cats chase and eat antelopes.  The meat is nourishment for their bodies.  They lick their lips.  Because antelopes taste good.  What do they stay away from?  Horney toads, because they do not taste good.  And as everyone in the entire world knows, frogs are not good...for anything.  They are probably poisonous.  And cause warts.  You should not eat them.  Even in fancy French restaurants.  And you probably shouldn't dissect them in biology class.  They're better off sitting on their lily pads with their frog wives and frog babies.

And then there are dogs.  Sometimes they eat their poop.  Why else would they do this if it wasn't delicious and nutritious?

I think the best solution is to make carrots taste like cookies, broccoli taste like pineapple upside down cake, cauliflower like banana split, etc.

Excuse me, you're saying you enjoy veggies the way they are?


You heard, read me.

I would put down the $40 Corey allows me to have each month (kidding) that you boil those veggies down until they're malleable and swallow them whole.  No?  You soak them in butter.  No?  You bread them and fry them.  Yes??  I knew I'd get to the bottom of it, because no one can honestly say they like the all natural essence of a turnip.

The bottom line here is that someone (looks up) should probably correct this little mistake so that someone else ( mirror) can stop hiding baby spinach where it doesn't belong.  Like in a burrito.  On a pizza.  Or in a brownie sundae.


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