WARNING: Don't be my friend.
If you ever plan on getting married and your preliminary judgment of me leads you to think I may be an adequate addition to your wedding party, spare yourself the pain and agony I bring to the pain and agony of wedding planning by thinking twice about inviting me for coffee and a chat.
And this isn't my attempt at self-deprecating humor, which happens to be my favorite. But I digress.
I am a terrible bridesmaid. And bridesmaids are usually friends of the bride. Which means I am a terrible friend.
But in my defense....nope. I got nothin'.
I have only been in one wedding (besides my own) and my second will be in June.
The first disaster I blame on ignorance. Not only had I never been in a wedding, I had only been to one other wedding before that. So my basic wedding knowledge was -2.
How was I supposed to know bridal shower and bachelorette party planning were within my purview? How could I have known wearing a pretty dress, standing next to the bride and dancing like a fool were not my only doodies??
But now I do know what is expected of a bridesmaid and I'm still striking out.
This next wedding is at the end of June and I just ordered my dress last week. Which means it will barely get here in time. Which means we have no time for a just-in-case plan. Which means I could have no dress. Which means the poor bride has one more unnecessary stressor. Which means her hair could fall out.
I cause people's hair to fall out.
But it's completely unintentional and I blame it all on the little bubble of importance that I live in, all cramped and contorted because it really is that small. My bubble encompasses things I allow myself to freak out about: eating, sleeping, Oliver, salmonella, suffocation. Everything else is subject to my easily distracted mind. Like preventing a friend from experiencing a series of panic attacks.
You've been warned.