I'm sure plenty of people have.
How about this one: "God will smack ya right in the face with His ways"?
...no? Well maybe you should just commit it to memory and pull it out next time you see glaringly obvious signs of "don't touch" or "maybe you shouldn't steal that right now", because you just might be able to save yourself a world of "fun" chasing rogue crickets or getting stranded outside in the dark.
...
Allow me to explain: Saturday morning Corey and I planned a small get together, our annual Travers Party, to kick off the day of horse racing leading to the biggest race of the meet, the Travers.
(if you grew up in a box like me, you're screwin' your face up all funny right about now)
Corey arranged all food and drink preparations, I laid out the set up and decorations. And as the chair and sole member of the decorating committee I unanimously decided to go with a purple loosestrife/green hydrangea combination.
This was actually my only option as my budget was $0 and I knew where I could get some really cheap (read: free) loosestrife and hydrangeas. The only problem was acquiring said flowers. I would have to swipe them under cover of darkness.
Hint #1 a certain omni-present deity would not approve: needing to use the dark of night to conceal actions that may or may not be legal.
Hint #2 a certain omni-present deity would not approve: failing a first attempt to swipe loosestrife due to police presence in the exact spot the planned swiping was schedule to occur.
I proceeded with my purple loosestrife hunting anyway. That is, after circling the area until the cop pulled away. So there Corey sat, just off the side of the highway on-ramp while I crouched between the highway and the patch of vibrant purple flowers.
My tools:
cell phone flashlight, rain boots, gloves and rudolph christmas scissors
I violently whacked flowers and shoved them into my bag. Corey honked his horn impatiently. Cars drove by, shining their headlights on my under-handed deeds.
I ran back to the car, baggy of flowers in the back seat, and we drove off to the state college campus across the street from our apartment. Where I hacked bunches of green hydrangeas.
"You know they have cameras, right?"
"What?! And your telling me this NOW??"
And then the damage had been done. It was hammer time, literally.
Punishment #1
We pull into our parking spot. I grab the grocery baggy now full of flowers and see a cricket hanging out on the seat. I think to myself:
Corey just might blow a gasket over this one. He wasn't too keen on the idea and this will just put him over the edge. Now, if I close this door the poor little cricket just might meet a peaceful end here in this car over night and Corey will never know...
In the meantime:
"What's going on?"
"Nothing..."
"Why are you smiling like that?"
"Um...like what?"
He walks over to my side of the car.
"You've GOT to be kidding me!!"
(cue dueling pianos: Corey chases cricket, Stacie chases cricket, Corey stomps, Stacie shrieks "SAVE IT!!", Corey digs under seat, Stacie finds cricket and screams, cricket hops away, Corey digs under seat, Stacie finds cricket, cricket hops away, Stacie finds cricket, covers it with hand, cricket hops away, Stacie finds cricket, covers it with hand, takes it to bush, cricket hops toward Stacie, Stacie screams, cricket hops away, Corey shakes head, end music.)
Punishment #2
"So, I think I'm going to trim the flowers outside."
"Good idea."
Several minutes go by.
"How's it coming?"
"Fine."
"Um, do you have a key?"
"No."
"Ok. I just locked us out."
"Ah, jeez Corey!"
After bugging two neighbors and a landlord, we finally found our way back into the apartment where the punishments finally ceased. Because I went to bed.
Did I learn my lesson? You betcha.
And that lesson is: follow that little voice that says "no" no matter how pretty the dang flowers are.
They are pretty though, aren't they?...
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