Time for a Little Zombie Action

Actually, we didn't see too many zombies in this last episode of The Walking Dead.

You'd think that would cut down on the gross factor.  It didn't.  See below:

Here we are, the day after the zombies found camp and tried to eat a bunch of people. 

Now, everybody knows once you're bit by a zombie you become a zombie.  Even if that zombie chews on your jugular and you die from blood loss instead of "the fever."  I'm not necessarily into zombies and even I knew that.  You learn it in school, or something.

So now the remaining live people have to bury their dead.  But first they have to make sure their dead don't get up and try to eat them.  This is when it gets gross, because to "kill" a zombie you have to, um, dismantle their brains.  Method of choice:  pick ax.

"Ok, there's no way they can show her put that ax through her husband's skull....OHMIGOSHTHEYSURECAN!!!

And then there was ooze.  Lots and lots of ooze.

Moving right along, there were a lot of little things that happened that leads you to think something will develop later.

Like the best cop friend, Shawn (I told you I'd start remembering names) taking the other cop, Rick, out into the woods to check the perimeter for "walkers" as they call the zombies.  (Shawn was the one who told Rick's wife, um, Lori? that Rick was dead and started to, uh, have relations with her.  Not sure yet if Shawn is a good cop or a bad cop.)  They fight about Rick's plan to move everybody off the mountain and Shawn points his gun at Rick when Rick isn't looking.

Ooooo, what's this all about guys?

They come back from the woods and announce they are packin' it up and moving to the CDC building where they are sure it is safe and people working on a cure (the "I had a dream" guy got bit and is currently dying, Rick thinks they can save him but they end up leaving him by the side of the road...foreshadooooow).

Little do they know, at the CDC building only ONE MAN REMAINS.  What the...?  He's going crazy too.  Apparently he's a scientist trying to figure this zombie disease out, but ends up screwing everything up when the lab is automatically destroyed because he contaminates himself.  Dummy.

So we see the convoy arrive at the CDC to a bunch of dead bodies, and I mean dead, not zombie dead.  There are tanks and barricades, so you know something went down.  The group starts to lose hope when they get to the front doors and find them sealed shut.

Of course they're losing hope.  They drove 100 miles, are out of gas, the sun is going down, zombies start showing up, and they can't get in the dang building.

Rick goes a little berserk.  Can't blame him.  This whole thing was his idea.  But the crazy CDC fellow sees him through the little camera.  At first he seems a little hesitant.  I didn't get this.  The guy is going nuts thinking he is the only one left but he doesn't want other survivors to keep him company?

Just as Shawn grabs Rick to drag them back through the zombies to their cars, crazy man opens the sealed doors.

Aaaaaand that's it.

Ugh.  I hate cliffhangers.  This episode wasn't as exciting, but I believe we are being set up for some action next week.  We'll see.

PS. Still no sign of Merle.

Ten on Tuesday

Tuesday is one day closer to Friday!  WooHoo let's celebrate by reading about me!!

1. Where are you from? Have you lived there your whole life?
HA!  You opened a box, my friend: I currently live in Saratoga Springs, New York, which is what I tell people when they say "where'ya from?" because most people don't want to go into the whole story that is I was born in Long Beach, California where I lived amongst the bullets and crime for 11 years when I moved to Elkhart, Indiana where I lived for another 11 years before moving here.  I can't say where my hometown or "from" is because I lived almost the exact same amount of time in two places.


2. How would you classify your clothing style?
What Not To Wear, pre-makeover.  But I do own a pair of leather boots, so every other week I'm cool.

3. What kind of car do you drive?
2006 Hyundai Tucson.  I secretly love it to pieces.

4. What would your dream home look like if you could have it?
It would have lots of windows, lots of land, French doors, a couple dozen fireplaces, and two sinks in the bathroom so Corey and I don't have to shove each other out of the way every morning.

5. Do you have kids, and if so, how many and how old were you when you had them?
I have no kids, I'm 28-years-old and not gettin' any younger.

(ahem)

6. What is your favorite hobby?
I like making funky jewelry, but sometimes I get paid for it, so does that still make it a hobby?  Other than that my favorite hobby is actually a tie between baking and eating.

7. Are you going to have any New Year’s resolutions for 2011?
Yes, I need to floss more.

8. What is something, if anything, that you’d want to change about yourself?
I'd like a little extra patience.  I have some, but a little more would help me in those situations when a certain someone needs an ice pack for an ingrown nose hair while I can hardly walk on my newly bummed knee.

9. What is something that you love about yourself?
Oooo, I don't know!

10. Pick one of the following: Someone to cook for you, someone to do your laundry, or someone to do your dishes.
DISHES, dishes, dishes.  I don't mind any other chore as much as I do dishes.  But as much as I hate washing them, putting them away is worse.  I'm gagging right now I hate dishes so much.

But I exaggerate.

Corey Sez

While clearing off my jewelry stand:

"Hey Beetle, is there supposed to be another one of these long earring things somewhere?"

"No Corey.  That's a bobby pin."

"Oh..."

Cyber Monday: Bah Humbug!

I'm just sayin', if I get one more Cyber Monday email I just might toss my phone in the toilet.

Because it's one of those I'm-gonna-do-irrational-things-because-a-whole-lotta-crap-is-goin'-down-all-at-once-and-I'm-not-takin'-it-so-good kinda days.

But thanks anyway Best Buy, Borders, JCrew, LLBean, Barnes and Noble, Banana Republic, Amish Gourds, Victoria's Secret, Amazon, Alpaca Direct, Ebay and the rest of you for letting me know of your awesome, not to be missed, today only, never again deals.  I really do appreciate seeing the things I know I can't buy.

Maybe next year I won't have this give-me-itchy-red-stress-bumps junk going on at a time when I'm supposed to be merry and bright and I can take part in a $2 deal on Garfield: The Movie.

Maybe...

(frowny face)

But on a happier note I have a whole fridge full of dessert at home!

Happy for me, that is.

(smiley face)

Visions of Pink Pineapples Danced in My Head

I have weird dreams most nights, and rarely do I share them because a very wise man named George Carlin once said: "No one gives a..."

Well, you get the idea.

This one, however, I think you might enjoy.

It is one of the more random and bizarre, and very brief:

I walk into a spa and ask a front desk girl for a short massage, a 16 minute massage to be exact.  My shoulders, specifically, were very sore.  She sets me up with a hair dresser who takes me to a dentist chair and leans me back.  I tell her to concentrate on my shoulders and then close my eyes.  This is when 10 people come in and surrounded me in my chair and start telling me a story about a pink pineapple.  Each person told part of the story and it ended with just one person left next to my chair who put half of a donut on my face.

It felt like a very serious moment, but all I could think of was the donut.  It was a chocolate frosted.  And I tried to eat it while lying there.

Weird.

But not as bad as me riding naked in a laundry basket through Egypt.

Daddy Skills

While visiting with Corey's family Thanksgiving night, everyone seemed to notice how good he was with his cousin's two young nieces.

It was like he was prepping for some of his own.

"Hey, Cooooorrrey...come and get us (giggle, giggle)"

"That's it.  I'm locking you in the basement."

"NOOOOOO!!!  Not the basement!!"

I'm scared.

I'm Thankful For Fridays Off

Happy Post Turkey Day, everyone!  I hope you all are recovering nicely.

I, myself, still have a five-pound turkey/stuffing/pumpkin pie rock simmering in my stomach.  It's my second dinner waiting for my first dinner to complete digestion before it can hop on into the intestine train.

Too much?

We had a great day.  I ran in the Turkey Trot in the morning to get the ol' metabolism warmed up while Corey made several batches of cranberry sauce.

"Hey Beetle, can you wash the dishes?"
"Are you kidding??  I have to go run now!"

"You don't get it, I have a lot to do this morning."

"Oh for heaven's sake, you're boiling cranberries!!"

I was unable to beat my last time of some embarrassing number, but in my defense the first two miles were practically all uphill.

I limped back home afterward.  Old age has given me bad knees as an early Christmas present.

Thanks, a lot.

Corey eventually finished he cranberry project, not before making me stick my head in the pot half a dozen times:

"Can you smell this?!"

"Come here and smell this!!"

"This smells so good, come over here!"

It did smell sooo good.  From the other end of the apartment.  But apparently you don't get the full effect unless your nose is literally sucking up jelled cranberries.

We finished all of our baking projects late morning and drove down to my friend Liz's house where my family and hers were meeting.  There is never a dull moment when my family is present:

"These are nice glasses," my mom is talking about Liz's set of curved drinking glasses, "do they spoon when you put them in the cupboard??"

"What does 'spoon' mean?" asks Liz's 10-year-old stepdaughter.

"Uh, well..."

The food was very good, and I must say the stuffing was perfectly mushy.

Corey and I gobbled down a few slices of pie, then headed out for round two just 15 miles away with Corey's family.  Also, never a dull moment

• 25 people
• children under the age of 7
• dogs
• gingerbread houses
• football
• Brussels sprouts
• and more

By eight o'clock my eyes were drooping and my buttons were struggling to hold on.  We left, and I passed out.  There was no way I would have been able to get up for my dad's and my traditional Black Friday shopping trip.  So I didn't.  We called it off this year, but to be resumed next year.

So here we are.  Recovery day.  To be spent....recovering.

I think I'll start with a bite to eat...

It's Almost Here!

Happy Thanksgiving Eve!!

...and happy turkey prepping,

cranberry boiling,

pumpkin squashing (yes, you squash the squash),

grocery shopping,

stretchy-pant searching,

table decorating,

recipe finding,

and "I'm thankful for..." contemplating

because it's all in preparation for the Second Best Holiday Ever*!!!

*Christmas is number one.  Duh.

A Morning Encounter

"Hey Corey, I made you two sandwiches.  They're in the fridge."

"Wait, did you use this bread?"

"Uh, yeah."

"It's outdated."

"No it isn't!"

"What's the date on it?"

"The 23rd."

"And what is today?"

"The 23rd."

"Exactly."

This is Where I Talk About Zombies

This is weird, I know, but I'm so hooked on AMC's The Walking Dead.

It is embarrassing as a post-teen to be hooked on a show about zombies.

It's embarrassing as a no-longer-super-nerd to be hooked on a show about zombies.

But I guess it could be worse.  I could have "I Heart Rob Pattinson" tattooed on my forearm.

Sheesh, vampires are sooooo childish.

Anywho, I am going to give you a wrap up of Sunday night's episode just so I can relive it...because I may be more of a nerd than I claim:

Here we are, following a pack of NZ's (non-zombies) that strayed from the main group hidden high on a hill just outside Atlanta to search for a lost member who was actually not-so-lost, just chained to a pipe on the top of a building.

I could go into detail on how he became chained to that particular building but that was two episodes ago and, frankly people, we just don't have the time.

So we see the stray four NZ's reach the top of the building only to find a pair of handcuffs dangling from the pipe.  Empty.  On the ground below: a severed hand.  AAAAHHHHH!!!

It wasn't that scary.  Just gross.

See, the guy is some ubber conservative, racist, mountain man who knows how to survive with a chopped off limb.  Later we see fixin's for stump cauterization.  Very clever Merle.  Oh, his name is Merle, by the way.

Now we see two girls from the main group whose names I forget because I'm bad with names.  They're fishing in the quarry, being all nostalgic about their their dad (which I think is dangerous when, you know, everyone has turned into zombies including, quite possibly, their parents) who taught them about knots and lures and stuff.  They get all sappy and you see how happy they are that, at least, they each other.  So sad that one of them dies at the end.

Oops.

So next we see another guy.  I promise to have names down at some point, should I continue these recaps for my own benefit.  He's digging holes.  Lots and lots of holes.  But he has no idea why.  See, he had some kind of dream, and he needed to dig holes.

Best last line of a TV show: "I remember my dream now."

Corey thinks it's cheesy.  What does he know about drama, anyway?

So now we go back to the city where the stray pack is looking for Merle (why is it his name is the only one I can remember?) and a bag of guns left on the street.  Just as....Glen!  another name, so just as Glen is about to reach the guns, a pack of gang members show up, their own guns drawn and demand them.  A scuffle ensues, someone gets shot in the butt and Glen is taken in taken away in a funky Cadillac.  But, alas!  One of theirs is left behind!

Yikes!  The plot thickens!

The group goes after the gang and has to infiltrate their lair, which turns out to be an old folks home.  The gang leader: the old folks home janitor.  I swear, they made it seem super scary, but in the end they became friends.  Awwww.

This is where the plot twists: Merle is nowhere to be found.  The group heads back to the outskirts of the city where they parked the van they drove in on and now it is nowhere to be found.

It's Merle.  He took it.  And according to his brother who was part of the pack sent out to rescue him, he was heading back to camp with a whole heckuva lot of hate in him.

Oh great, I'm thinking as the camera heads back up to camp, where the others are sitting around a campfire, eating and telling stories.  Here I'm thinking this bad guy is going to come up and start all kinds of chaos, but no.

The girl from before gets up to use the facilities in the RV they managed to acquire.  You see another from the group resting in his tent (I won't get into his wife-beating tendencies that lead to a "you deserved it buddy" from me later on), and then you see a swarm of bloody, snotty, guts-hanging-out zombies who have found their camp and are....hungry.

One of them eats the wife-beater but no one notices.  Then the girl comes out of the RV, laughing about the lack of toilet paper and WHAM! she get's attacked (insert gory details here) and she dies.

Who was expecting that?  No one.  That's why it's called a twist.

So she get's eaten, then another guy gets eaten, and another, while everyone else is trying to beat the zombies or shoot them, or hide from them.  It's chaos.  Blood and guts kind of chaos, but made-for-TV kind of blood and guts.

Now, the whole camp wasn't eaten.  Just half of them.  Eventually the group that left to find Merle comes back and helps beat down the zombies.  Everyone is panicked and crying.  They take an inventory of who is left.

That's when you hear the line:  "I remember my dream now."


Oooooo.
 
But, where the heck is Merle?

Ten on Tuesday

Ohmigoodnessgracious, it's Tuesday again.  Dangit.  Shoulda seen that coming.

1. What are your plans for the holidays? Do you travel at Thanksgiving? If you celebrate Christmas, do you travel then, too?
We will be traveling for both holidays and will manage to see all family members.  Shenanigan free.  Somehow, it works.


2. How do you make the plans for the holiday? If you have a significant other, how do you decide which family to visit?
We have the same plans every year: whoever eats first, that's where we'll be.

3. Do you have your Thanksgiving meal at lunch or later in the day?
Corey and I have two meals every Thanksgiving.  First usually at my parents' house where I stuff myself because I can't help it.  Then at Corey's aunt and uncle's house an hour later where I usually stuff myself because I can't help it.  They are both sometime between 2:00 and 5:00.

4. Do you have a favorite Thanksgiving tradition?
When we lived in California, my family would pack our teeny little 2-bedroom house with all of our friends and family.  I remember once having to crawl under the tables to get to my bedroom.  Then in Indiana the five of us would eat, then fall asleep on the couch to an Indiana Jones movie.

No New York traditions yet.  But I'm really hoping this 2-meal thing becomes one...
5. After a big meal do you lounge around or get up and take a walk?
I lounge hard.  In other words, I sleep.

6. Do you shop on “Black Friday” or do you avoid it?
Oh yes.  You can read an abbreviated account of last year's Black Friday event here.  But in a nutshell, my dad and I camp outside the most ridiculous stores because we really don't understand the concept of, "you wait so you can get the items everyone wants, not fuzzy slippers."  My dad combs through Thanksgiving Day flyers, I go along for the experience...and breakfast.

7. When do you usually finish your Christmas shopping?
Early December.  And I would say I'm on track for this year.  All that's left to get is Kimberlie's iPad. 

Dream on, sista.

8. Do you and your significant other exchange gifts? Is there a budget?
We exchange gifts and it's all kinds of willy nilly.  He handles our finances so any money I spend he can see.  So it always ends up that I get really nice surprise gifts and he gets the things on his list, like white t-shirts.  I'm lobbying for one big gift we go in on, like....a new house.

9. When do you decorate for the holidays?
Friday.  And if Corey wasn't working that day I would drag him to the tree store to get our Christmas tree.  It's my turn to pick it out this year, and I ain't wastin' time on no nine-footers.

10. Do you go “all out” with the decor or do you keep it simple?
I'm a "all out" kind of gal.  Lucky for Corey all we have is a box of lights, some red bulbs and a small red berry wreath (He just can't handle the decorations!  Channeling A Few Good Men there).  But so help me James, I will have a very merry collection of decorations some day and my house will be transformed into the winteriest wonderland you never did see!!  Muahahaha!

Fail.  Evil laughs don't fit in with Christmas talk.

Christmas Preview: China Please

This is going to sound crazy, and weird, and like something you would expect to come from my little fingers:

I want a completely mismatched set of china.

...

Corey just had a face-to-palm moment.

Bonnie asked Gary if I was serious.

My sister Katie rolled her eyes.

Oliver licked his butt.

My mom said, "Ooooo, Fiesta ware!!"

...

Allow me to explain, beyond our four Pottery Barn plates, Corey and I have no china.  In our current situation, were we to entertain guests they would have to settle for our finest Dixie and last years leftover Traver's Day Party cups.

We did try to acquire a nice, fancy set of dishware.  If you know my darling husband at all you know he sought out the best of the best and registered us for every possible piece made.  Then we found out (by "then", I mean just before the wedding) Macy's had none of our set in stock.  Anywhere.  All of the orders were on back order (by "back order" I mean on a list, waiting to be canceled) and we received nothing.

You call it an unfortunate situation.

I call it divine intervention.

Whatever.

So, in other words, we are in need of any set of china.

So, why mismatched?  Because I'm crazy that way.

Crazy smart.

Hey, what happens when you make a major purchase in 1970 and you find out in 2010 orange shag is not the next taupe berber?  You cry and get new carpet.

To save myself from tossing my old, outdated china out the window in 2040 in a fit of rage, why not start with old, outdated china??  Why not pick out a plate I like at an antique store in Provincetown and have a story like how the hubbs got propositioned by a fancy ladd and had to run and find me follow it around at dinner parties held by us, then our children, and our children's children?

PS. that actually did happen in Provincetown, however not while buying antiques.  I like to recycle stories here.

Why not have a set that doesn't match to begin with, leaving us free to replace broken pieces with...whatever we like?  Or why not have a dinnertime decorating scheme of, oh I don't know, every color?!

I mentioned in a Ten on Tuesday post that I would like antique plates for Christmas.  In addition to having our own stories, I want to be able to sit down to a meal with friends, family, llamas, whoever and be able to look at my plate and know a certain someone picked it out specially for us.  A warm fuzzy with every meal in addition to the warm fuzzies (read: Oliver hair) that have been cooked into the meal.

sorry...

So with all that said, not so crazy anymore, eh?




Just wait until I ask for salt and pepper shakers in the shape of barnyard animals...

A List.

This is a Monday list. 

Don't try to make sense of the thing.

• I went to bed at 7:45pm last night.
• I have no fewer than seven hair ties in my purse.
• Thanksgiving is this week, not next as I thought all last week.
• I am now behind.
• I am wearing the same outfit I wore to church yesterday.
• I don't remember if I ate dinner last night.
• No, wait....I had a Moe's burrito.
• Saturday I forgot to wash my hair.
• I hide from my dog in the park.
• He flips out and I laugh.
• I want a cat.
• Corey and I are going to look for houses after Christmas.
• I'm looking for houses now.
• Thursday is the Turkey Trot 5k in Saratoga.
• Last time I ran 3 miles I screwed up my knee.
• I'm not a runner.
• My dishwasher is coating some dishes with white gunk all of a sudden.
• Corey bought me a container of milk yesterday that expires tomorrow.
• This morning he said "put A LOT of milk in that cereal."
• I did, but there's still A LOT left.
• I like making lists.
• It's easier than writing full sentences.
• Plus, it lets you see how random my thought process is.
• And I know you were dying to see the inside of my think-meat.

So, there we are.  A list.  To be followed by something with a little more substance, a little more grass-fed meat and potatoes, if you will.

But until then, Happy Monday!

Time Check

My eyes are slightly less than perfect.

In other words, I can't see you without my glasses.  And even then some things are still blurry.

I've had this problem since 6th grade when I saw my friend Wendy push her glasses up her nose with her finger on the nose piece part and I said, "I want to do that too!"  Voila!  That's all it took.

(Thanks God.  All the things I ask you for and you listen to me on that one?!)

But anyway, I'm used to being nearly blind without them.

That doesn't mean I like it.

...

Often, I wake up in the middle of the night.  Whether it's to pee, because I'm hot, or the dog has pushed me off the bed.  But always, always, always I look at the clock on our cable box thinking I'm going to be able to see what time it is.

Hey Stace, the only way you can see that sucker without your specs is when your face is pushed up against it.  Try again.

But you know how we all are in the middle of the night.  Sleeping usually, or half sleeping when we are kicked awake by a spouse.  So we try super human things.  Like trying to read the time.

This was me last night:

"...what time....is that.... :3:?"

"....11B?"

"...112:0??"

"....ahhhh, forget it!"

Then I fully woke up and laughed at myself for thinking there possibly could be a letter in the time.

Or two colons.

Friday Confessions

1.  My new favorite show is AMC's The Walking Dead.  It is creepy and grody but I just can't walk away from it until I know if what's-her-name and what's-his-name resolve the issue of her, uh, having relations with what's-his-name while they both thought what's-his-name was a zombie.

That would have made a lot more sense if I could remember the characters' names.  Please excuse.

2.  My sisters and I tune into the Sirrus 90's channel whenever we're all in the car together and rock out to Kriss Kross and 98 Degrees.  Our 13-year-old cousin thinks we're crazy.

3.  More on this: Kimberlie and I had a serious discussion on what makes 90's music better than today's.  It all comes down to variety, people.

4.  In the past two weeks I have received no less than 50 emails from people letting me know I am sending out spam emails.

• Sorry to all my friends and family for linking you to Viagra advertisements.
• Sorry to the guy I went on one date with but forgot to delete from my contact list; no, I do not want to go out with you.
• Sorry to the coordinator of the Miss Purdue pageant who I also forgot to delete from my contact list; no I am not available to help plan this years festivities.
• Sorry to my pastors, both past and present; I am not responsible for any obscene material I may or may not be sending to you.  Keep that in mind when I ask to teach your childrens' church classes.
• Sorry all of you continue to get these emails; I am currently working on the "wait it out" solution.

5.  "What do you want to do for dinner?"

"How about French bread pizza?"

"Sounds good.  I'll get the Italian bread."

6.  I use my nose to operate my touch screen phone when wearing gloves.  However, I don't always have 100% accuracy.

7.  While at a classy Saratoga establishment, my BFF and I decided it was the best possible time and location to practice mouth farts.

8.  Corey's stocking stuffers last year consisted of a bottle of Advil, toothbrush, socks and antacid.  I've run out of ideas.

9.  His "stocking" was a small box.  I couldn't find the real thing.

10.  My eyes play dirty tricks on me.  While following a semi down the highway I could have sworn the large "You're Needed" sign on the back of it said "You're Nekkid." 

"Is this driver trying to tell me I am emotionally exposed?...."

My Earrings Survived, Although Shaken

"Hey Beetle, something came in the mail for you today."

"Is it my earrings?!"

"I don't know, here."

(throws small shipping envelope, it goes nowhere because it weighs as much as a folded piece of paper)

"Grrrrr...."

(slides envelope with foot, it floats back to him)

"Son of a...."

(kicks envelope...two feet)

"This is ridiculous...Here!"

(walks over and hands me the envelope)

"Hmmm, Corey do you see what this says?"

"....argyle?"

"Nope.  It says FRAGILE."

They Might Not Actually Be Giants

Sunday was football Sunday. 

A football Sunday with friends and family.

A football Sunday full of snacks.

A football Sunday I, for once, didn't grumble because, as I mentioned Monday, I was in the action, 20 rows from the field, cheering on my team with wild abandon.

I've always wanted to describe my actions in this way.  And Lord know I act "with wild abandon" often enough....but that's neither here nor there.

After a mild (lightly put) Corey situation in the morning, I was on my way to Giants' Stadium with Kimberlie, my dad, our friend Wayne, a urinary tract infection, several pounds of deli meats, and cookies.  The essentials.  We only needed one pit stop on our two-and-a-half hour drive to New Jersey for potty break and corn dogs (this is not code...we really did need corn dogs) before arriving in a nearly full parking lot outside the stadium.

"Um, excuse me, could you pull your truck up?  You're taking up two spots."

"No can do.  See, we hafta put this in there and boobity-doo-doo and other such ramblings so we actually need both spots."

Wayne, shouting across three of us, through the window "You're being ruuuuuuude!"

Finally, after driving up and down aisle after aisle we found a spot taken by only a frat-party pole game.  This time Wayne decides to do the askin':

"Hey.  You need to...."

"Oh, yeah, yeah, I'll just move this."

"Uh, thanks."

And there we had our parking space.  Along a fence giving us about five feet beyond the car to spread out with a set of port-a-potties well within range.

"This is great!  Now let's unpack our deli meats!"

"And let's be sure to position ourselves close enough to the guys grilling 2lb burgers so that we can trick our taste buds into thinking our turkey subs with mayo are actually hamburgers."

I think I mentioned the ridicule in my tailgate meal selection on Monday.  It was brutal.

"Thank goodness we have these organic chips!!"

The one thing I didn't screw up:  the cookies.  We snuck them into the stadium under my sister's jacket.  They helped to nurse our wounds as we watched our team's constant defensive failures.

But would ya just look at that stadium...

It is breathtaking.  And awesome.  It feels like you are surrounded with walls made of people, which is a little weird, but cool.  There are four big-as-my-house TV screens that alternate between the game, replays and abrupt motivational sayings: "Get Up, Get Loud."  That's about as to the point as one can be.

My sister loved it...

My dad reeeeally loved it....

And then this happened...

The lights went out.  All of 'em.  And this is what we saw.

This is what we heard:

"OOOOOoooooYEEEeeeeaaaaaWOOOooooooAHHHhhhhh!!!" times eighty-thousand.

Then we saw this:

These are cell phones.  The dummies were trying to take pictures of the pitch black.  Puh-leez.

(I couldn't get mine out in time)

Do you believe me when I saw all the lights went out?  Because it sounds ridiculous, but fo real.  Eventually the emergency lights came on and we were told to stay in our seats and wait for evacuation instructions.  So we waited.  Then more lights came on.  We waited some more.  The refs decided there was enough light to play so they started the game back up.  Then we heard an announcement to stay in our seats and wait for evacuation instructions. 

"Uh, does he not know the lights and the game are back on??"

We eventually did evacuate, though.  A whole lot of us just got up and left when we realized our team stunk.  My group walked back to our car and drove off into the night.

But this time we skipped the corn dogs.

Ten on Tuesday

Tuesday again, which means Monday is over, which means Friday is almost here, which means another week is passing, which means Christmas is that much closer, which means so is the end of the year, which means...well, just that.

1. What is your favorite breakfast pastry?
It is a very close tie between a raspberry corn muffin, jalapeno scone, and a brownie...a breakfast brownie, if there is such a thing.

2. Were you ever in a Thanksgiving or Christmas play?
I was an angel in my high school's Christmas Spectacular program.  It was a musical program so me, Mary, Joseph, and the wise men just had to stand in our rolling nativity scene while everyone sang around us.

3. What is your favorite clothing accessory?
A sweater of any variety.  In my old age I dress for comfort and a nice warm sweater is akin to the fuzzy green blanket I wrap myself in when I get home.  I have summer sweaters, spring sweaters, fall sweaters, and winter footie pajamas.  Also known as a full body sweater.

4. What is your favorite item of clothing?
Any one of my three yoga pants: my light gray, medium gray, and black pairs.  They sit embarrassingly high above my belly button, but only rarely do I tuck my shirts in and go about my day looking like an elderly mall-walker.

5. What is your favorite color and why?
I love them all.  Peace on Earth, good will to all...colors.

6. What is your favorite type of Christmas cookie?
The kind that has sugar in it.

7. What is your favorite scent (food, perfume/lotion)
Before we were married, I would sometimes swipe Corey's shirts because I loved the smell of the Gain detergent he used.  But now that I use it on my clothes too, I can't smell it anymore.  Bummer.

Now that's is Holiday time I love the pine scent.  Until we get our Christmas tree I am supplementing the smell with candles.

8. What is your favorite household cleaner?
Vinegar.  It smells terrible and lingers on my hands for an entire day, but there's just something about not dumping funky chemicals into my water source.

9. When you were a kid what did you want to be when you grew up? And what did you actually grow up to be?
I had no aspirations as a kid beyond which friend I was going to play with that day.  And that moment-by-momentedness followed me to college and through the rest of my 20's, which is why I still, to this day, ask myself "what do I want to be when I grow even-more-up?"  Then I start planning dinner.

10. What is the last song or album you bought?
Not sure....but I've had a hankerin' for some old school Coolio.  I can still remember his music videos...remember music videos?!   Good times.

Weekend Wrap Up: Giants, Clinics and More!

Oh boy, what a weekend.  Where do I begin?

So much, so, so much happened....

...

Ok, how about this:

I may or may not have been this close to nagging the living daylights out of my darling husband.

And by "nagging the living daylights" I mean carrying out a pretty gruesome torture technique only the most seasoned husbands can survive.  Of which Corey is not.

True to form, he made the weekend extra difficult, as if there wasn't enough going on already.

Backstory:
For the past three years Corey and I have been going to the Giants v. Cowboys game thanks to a friend and co-worker who graciously offers his season tickets at only 30% mark up.  Tickets that get us a prime parking place and seats so close to the field you can actually see the ball.

This year the tickets (four of them) again became available.  As the past years we brought friends and Corey's family with us, this time we decided to offer the two remaining tickets to my dad and sister, Kimberlie.  Having never been to a Giants game or professional football game, respectively, there was very little persuasion needed.  As early as mid-October, excitement mounted as we talked about how many layers of clothing we would need and what to bring for our tailgate party.

Corey bugged me endlessly to bring our folding chairs home from my parents' house.  We figured out how to pack his trunk. 

Then Friday came and that brings us to the main part of our story. 

"Corey, I figured you could take care of getting food for the game while I'm shopping tomorrow..."

"What food?"

"To eat before the game...hello?  You can get the brats and hot dogs?"

"Um...?"

What I will spare you from is an onslaught of what-do-you-means and what-were-you-thinkings as I find out not only does he not know where our itty bitty to-go grill is, he did not track one down with which we can prepare our traditional pre-game meal.

I will also spare you from the ridicule I received in showing up to a tailgate party with fixin's for turkey and ham sandwiches.  It ain't right, I agree.

Then the following occurred:

"I'm not going to the game."

"WHAT?!"

"I just don't feel right and I don't want to go to the game feeling like this!"

"Oh Corey, you're fine.  It's Friday!  The game isn't until Sunday, you'll be fine by then."

"I'm not going."

Insert incoherent ramblings, rantings, foul moods here and fast forward to Sunday morning, two hours before scheduled lift off.

As I sit in an urgent care facility (more on that later, but probably not too much more as I'm sure all details of urinary tract infections are too much information) I am bombarded with messages asking if I've found someone to take our extra ticket.  Corey's ticket.

I go between getting my blood pressure measured to texting, to checking my temperature, to texting, to remembering this conversation:

7:30am, Saturday   "Do you know anyone who would want my ticket?"

...to texting, to remembering this conversation:

2pm, Saturday "So what's going on with my ticket?"

...to texting, to remembering this conversation:

6pm, Saturday "Does so-and-so want to go?"

"No."

"What about so-and-so?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Don't know"

"Do they know it's the Giants?"

"Yes, Corey."

"Do they know how good the seats are??"

"Yes, Corey."

...to texting, then remembering these conversations:

7pm, Saturday "Did you find anyone to go yet?"

"No, Corey."

8pm, Saturday "Anyone yet?"

"Nope."

9pm, Saturday "Hear anything??"

"Nuh uh."

10pm, Saturday "Anyone taking my ticket?!"

"....bananas in the middle..."  (he asked after bedtime)

...to texting.

When finally I received word a family friend was able to go!  Oh Happy Day!  The stress and anxiety were lifted!

Then Corey sent this final text: "I'm out I guess...and I just gassed up the car and cleaned out the trunk!..."

...

That funny screeching noise you heard out in California was me.

Friday Confessions

1.  At random times I sing "O Canada."  Although, those are the only words I know.

2.  I am now singing "O Canada."

3.  There has been so little to do at my office lately, I've looked at every single website there is.  From Chuck Norris to photosynthesis.

Yep, that covers just about everything.

4.  I told Corey last Wednesday night I wanted to stop eating crap.  I then ate a bowl of tater tots with gravy and cheese.

5.  Fast forward a week to me at my parents house:

"Hey, Stace, do you want a fried burrito?"

"You bet yer sweet avocados I do!"

6.  I found out a group of crows is called a "murder," thus giving me one more reason to hate the creepy jerks.

7.  From now until the time Corey and I decide to have kids there is a growing list of things I cannot say based on two conversations I had last week:

"I don't feel good."

"You're pregnant, aren't you?"

and

"I have a craving for a cranberry walnut salad..."

"A craving?!"

8.  To be added later: any mention of urination and complaints of motion sickness.

9.  It's hard to blog when I have the day off (today), however I cannot deprive you or myself another episode of "the things I do I feel you should know about", also known as "Friday Confessions."

10.  Tomorrow is the annual shopping trip I go on with Corey's aunt, cousin and mom to the outlet mall in Lee, MA.  Also known as the day Stacie buys three things and hangs out in the food court for three hours.

And I can't wait!!

Happy Friday to all, and to all a good....Friday.

Morning Rituals

Corey and I are morning people.  In our old age we like to get the day started early.

(However, sometimes we do like to sleep in...until 6:45)

I wake up, check my emails on my phone, then I lay back down think about plans, projects, and where to take Oliver on our walk.  I take a slow, easy approach to getting the engines running.

Corey wakes up with a song in his heart and a whole lot of obnoxious on his lips:

"Oooooliverrrrrrrr!"

"Would you stop that!  We have neighbors."

"OOOOLIVERRRRRRRR!!"

"Too.  Loud."

"I'm not too loud." (he says loudly)

"See!  Even that was too loud."

"You're crazy."

"Can't you use your inside voice?"

"What's that?"

They never said getting used to your spouses "amusing" little quirks was going to be easy.

They also never said not to have a spare bedroom.

I'm just sayin'.

Awkward Sleep Ramblings

"Sarah, can I kill you?"

"What?!"


"I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to my sandwich.... But you're in it."

....

"I'm so hungry my stomach is about to eat my other stomach."

....

(dabs eye with tissue) I love it.

Ten on Tuesday

Happy Tuesday!  What better a way to celebrate than for me to talk about myself?  I can think of none.

1. Who makes your Thanksgiving dinner?

I, luckily, get several dinners this year.  Corey and I will start at my friend Liz's house where my family will be eating.  Then we will go to his aunt and uncle's house where all of his family will be eating.  Then on Saturday we will head up to my parents' house where my mom will be making her own dinner and at some point in the very near future Corey and I will make a small dinner for ourselves.

I am just giddy about it.

2. What is your favorite recipe the includes pumpkin? (bonus points for including the recipe)

Pie.  And that's about it.  I'm not a big pumpkin/squash fan.  It's just not chocolate.

3. What are 5 things you want for Christmas?

Realistic items: iPod holder thingy for my arm, Saratoga Beads gift card for a million dollars, salt and pepper shakers, old dinner plates in various colors and designs, and this MAC makeup shown on PW's website yesterday.

Unrealistic items: a house, a horse, manageable hair, thinner ankles, and fashion sense.

4. Does your family draw names or do you buy for everyone?
We buy for everyone (read: freak out about whether we've gotten the right gift 7-9 times)

5. How do you feel about motorcycles?
They scare me.  It seems too easy to fall off.

6. What’s your favorite thing to do on a rainy Saturday?
Read, or bake, or watch sappy romantic comedies, or all of the above.

7. What is the coolest thing to do in your city?
Festivals!!  We have what seems like one festival a month.  We just missed Cowderfest, there's the Victorian Streetwalk coming up, followed by First Night Saratoga on New Years Eve.  The whole main street shuts down to traffic and hundreds of people walk around visiting stores, eating cookies, drinking cider and hot chocolate.  I, of course, make several passes through the stores with good, homemade cookies.  As would anyone, I'm sure.
8. Do you paint your fingernails?
Yes ma'am.  Bright pinks and reds usually, but I do like my chocolatey brown for fall.

9. Who is your favorite actor over the age of 50?

I...I....I just don't know.  There are waaaaaay to many to chose from, and I think actors just aren't seasoned until they get old.  I mean older.

10. Do you have a high school letter jacket?

I wanted so badly to have a letter jacket, but I didn't get my letter until senior year, and I wouldn't even have the jacket until the middle of the winter.  Common sense reigned in and I decided it wasn't worth it.  So now I have this silly fabric letter "C" just hangin' out with all my other school stuffs.  In 20 years I won't even know what it was from that I earned it.  Golf, just so you know.

No Connection Mondays

Friday I was home sick.

I was sick of sitting at my desk the entire week with nothing to do but search the Internet for a thousand different ways to make a stinkin' fabric flower.

By the way, when did the world wide web get so big?

So, I took a mental health day that actually started as a real sick day.  Headache.

I walked around town a little, did some chores, then I spent the rest of the day reading with no make up.

Ladies, if you've never tried reading without your face on I would highly recommend it.  See, when your pores aren't clogged with gunk and powders, the pathways are clear for oxygen molecules to travel directly to your brain allowing it to breathe just like your lungs.

I obviously am wearing make up today....

David vs. Goliath: A Modern Day Fight For Ultimate Control

There was a war in my house last night.  A full on, me against you, I will fight you to the death, war.

Over the thermostat.

And our positions in this conflict were not what you would have thought.

(Now for some reason, I picture this in my head as Israelites vs. Philistines.  Something to do with today being the day after a church day and the influence of the gladiator sandal movement of the summer.  So for the sake of keeping things straight we'll call my side....oh, let's go with Israelites and the Philistines represents Corey's side.)

Philistines:  The temperature should be set to 70 degrees at night while we are sleeping.

• everyone in the world does this
• anything less than 70 is too cold
• because I said so

Israelites:  The temperature should be set at least to 64 degrees at night while we are sleeping.

• this saves us money on our electric bill
• we have fleece sheets
• I wake up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat
• at this point I am down to my skivvies and can take off no more in my pursuit to sleep peacefully without my hair pelted to my forehead

Now, if you are at all familiar with your Bible stories, you know who comes out the victor.

Me. 

I mean the Israelites.  However my victory last night had absolutely nothing to do with faith in God to be victorious over my temperature oppressor and more to do with the stubborn will of a donkey, or jackass as some would say.

(Mom, that's what they are called.)

By settling myself in on the couch all night I had full access to the temperature-changer.  I also knew when a certain someone I am married to tried to change the changer.  Which would be my cue to change it back.  And at 4:41am, after going three rounds of change-it-change-it-back and realizing I was shivering under my light blanket, I crowned myself victorious.

I crawled in bed and slept the peaceful sleep of a winner.

For an hour and a half.

This is where Corey and I differ from our ancient counterparts: (because David and Goliath really did fight over the temperature they were going to set in the temple at Jerusalem.  Eye roll to myself.) I did not chop off Corey's head.  There was actually very little violence, which makes for an anti-climactic end to my story.

Sorry.

Cage fight ending next time.

Driving Me Crazy

After screeching to a halt upon looking up from his text message and noticing the car in front of him slowing to a stop:

"Corey, you are a baaaaad driver!"

"Not as bad as you!"

"Oh, I don't think so."

"You drive slow, people honk at you and don't tell me YOU don't look at your phone while driving."

Several minutes later.

(mumbling to myself) "I'm a bad driver, huh."

"No, you're a good driver."

"Wha?"

"Who said you're a bad driver?"

"You did!"

"Oh, I did?  Sorry Beetle."

I've discovered my husband has multiple personalities.

Or a very bad memory.

A Light at the End of a Dirty Tunnel

The end is near, folks.

Yes, I am talking about THE end...of our messy neighbors.  Can I get a woop-woop, raise the roof, fist bump with a fireworks ending?

easy killer

The end of election day marked the end of our neighbors' employment.  The end of their occupation of the space attached to the kitchen.  And the (unfortunate) end of entertaining conversations such as:

"Hello, this is Josh.  I am a volunteer for Congressman Murphy's campaign.  It is important that blah, blah, blah.  Can we count on your vote?.....Hello?......uh, hello??"

The kind dears, however, left us with a small parting gift.  Piles of rotting trash and the smell of death.

I called our landlord and left him a message letting him know we can't breathe without gagging.  If he responds as quickly as he did when our heat wasn't working I'm sure we'll see an end to this mess by Monday.

Phew!  Because a day later than that and the maggots writhing through the deli meat might start attracting rats.

I have no words.  Just dry heaves.

Fortunately, they left us with  4x4 inches of refrigerator space in which one of us can store our lunch, so that was nice.

And because we still have to use this dirty, stinky space, I figured they owe us.  So I took their Reese's peanut butter cups.  And their Snickers bars.

And their laptops.

Just kidding!

I left the Snickers.

Ten on Tuesday

Welcome to Ten on Tuesday on Wednesday.  It's this new thing I started just to mix things up a little.  And because I forgot yesterday.

1. Do you color? If you do, is it with markers, crayons, colored pencils, etc.?
L-O-V-E to color.  I have every Sharpie color ever created.  In both fine and regular point.

2. What’s the most organized part (or system) in your house?
Corey's socks and undies drawer.

3. What’s the most unorganized part (or system) in your house?
Our one and only storage closet.  The shape it's in, we have to lay on boxes to reach other boxes.  I have nearly impaled myself on the vacuum cleaner to reach what is on the floor behind it.

4. If you had unlimited amounts of time and money, what museum would you want to see and why?
OhmigoshIwanttoseethemall!!!  I like museums.  A lot.

5. What is your favorite part of the fall season?
Putting on my pjs and thick gripy socks when it gets dark at 5pm and laying on the couch with my blanket and a cup of hot apple cider while watching Matlock movie marathons.

6. Did you dress up for Halloween?
I skipped Halloween this year.  Ba-Humbug.

wrong holiday...

7. Have you started Christmas shopping?
No, but I usually make most of my gifts.  This year, however, I'm stumped on what to make so I may fall back on a previous project.  I just hope everyone likes macaroni art.

8. Do you crack your knuckles?
No, I devoutly follow the "if you crack your knuckles they will get big and puffy and ugly" philosophy.

And because it hurts.

9. If you had to live in another city for a year (all expenses paid), which city would you choose?
Ocean Boulevard, Palm Beach.  Every year on vacation we drive by Donald Trump's Mar-a-Lago and his neighbors with their lattice shaped hedges and gates and fancy stone lions and I always wonder what it would be like to have 45 bedrooms, and a million bathrooms, and servant quarters, and pool tables, and pools, and green lawns, and beach access, and walk-in closets, and showers as big as my current bedroom, and real marble.

But then I would have to find a way to stay because there is no way I could go from Palm Beach to Upstate New York and my laminate counter tops.

10. Do you have any reoccurring dreams?
I used to have a dream where I would enter a rickety old shack that was my house and on the inside it was a 20+ story mansion.  My favorite floor was toward the top, all the walls were windows.

And then there are the dreams where I am my dad.  We-ird.

TGI Monday

Here we are.  It's Monday.  Again.

Do you ever wonder where I am on Saturday and Sunday?  I never post.  Bad blogger, bad.

Jeez Stace, you couldn't give the people a little morsel to hold them over until Monday?

Well, no.  I actually can't.

This is a typical weekend:

Saturday

• run
• breakfast
• start laundry
• forget to help my with my mom's sewing class
• drag Corey to the mall
• buy skinny jeans
• drag Corey to the Christmas Tree Shop
• buy cheap things I probably won't use
• drive to Lakeside Farms
• try to avoid rally for the candidate I am not voting for
• eat lunch
• buy cider donuts
• buy cider
• stop at Scotty O'Dwyer's house
• unplug weed wacker
• say hello
• go home
• make a million felt balls
• eat dinner
• make another million felt balls
• fall asleep on couch to Beetlejuice

Sunday

• walk dog
• church
• lunch
• grocery shopping
• prepare to make pumpkin pie
• load laundry
• realize I can't cut open pumpkins
• smash pumpkins open on cement
• bake pumpkins
• mush pumpkins
• mix pumpkins
• make crust
• bake pie
• melt polyester fabric
• make fabric look like a flower
• string felt balls
• check pie
• string felt balls
• check pie
• more laundry
• check pie
• melt polyester fabric
• check pie
• take pie out of oven
• string felt balls
• more laundry
• eat pie
• pass out on couch to Van Helsing

Hmmm, this seems very specific to be typical. 

This is typical in the amount of activities.  See?  No time.

No time!  There's never enough time!  I don't have time to study, I'll never get into Stanford!

Whoopsie.  Sometimes Saved by the Bell lines just creep right into my daily conversations.

But anyway, now that I'm back at work and back to having a tad more free time (read: it's Monday and I have no desire to touch my actual work) I can share all the juicy details of our daily lives that have come to make you think twice about coming back.  Yay!